Another Brick in the Wall
by Mad-like
Summary: Starts right after the meeting of the "Should she or shouldn't she" club.
1. Just Us Girls

Mercedes didn't think twice when she saw Rachel, Tina and Quinn in the empty classroom. Probably some girl glee club business, Rachel was holding a gavel after all. She continued down the hallway and noticed a flash of red and white as she passed the back door to the classroom. Cheerio uniforms. Was Rachel trying to recruit Britt and Santana back? She stopped by the open door and listened. No, it wasn't about music, it was girl talk. They were talking about the first time they had sex.

Nothing earth shattering, really, but a wave of pain washed over her anyway. It's so casual, the way they exclude her. You'd think she'd be used to it by now but it hurts every time it happens. If she asked them why, they would have a reasonable explanation, they always do. "We couldn't find you. We didn't think you'd be interested. You looked really busy. Sure, you mother took me in when I was pregnant but you can't expect me to talk to you in public. Sure, Kurt's your best friend but we didn't think you'd care that he was being bullied into a nervous breakdown. That meeting was for girls with football player boyfriends only. Sure, we watched Breakfast at Tiffany's a half dozen times together but we didn't think you'd want to wake up early to go there. Sure, we talked about our dreams of stardom but you didn't really want to sing on a Broadway stage, did you?"

Mercedes shut her eyes and sighed deeply. All in all you're just another brick in the wall. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Blah, blah, blah. Focus, Jones, focus. Where were you headed before this? That's right, football. She wanted to watch Shane practice, try to figure out what he's talking about half the time. She started down the hallway, nearly tripping over Artie Abrams.

"Artie! How long have you been sitting there?"

"A few minutes." he peeked into the classroom. "Why aren't you in there for the all girl gabfest?"

"I wasn't invited."

"Oh." Why not was the obvious question but Artie was smart enough not to ask it.

Mercedes stood looking at the doorway for a few minutes. "Sometimes I forget." she said suddenly. "I forget who I am, where I am, what I look like. I think I'm one of them, that I belong, that we're all friends. Then something like this happens to remind me of the truth."

Without asking where he was going Mercedes started pushing his chair down the hallway. "Sorry, I don't want to be standing here when they come out. That would be pretty pathetic, wouldn't it? Me, standing there. Please be my friend!" she was pushing him so he couldn't see her face but if he had to guess he'd guess she was going to cry.

"I'm sorry, about Maria I mean." he said, filling in the silence. "I can see how what we offered you came across as separate but equal. I should have fought for you."

"It's okay. I saw the dress rehearsal, the show looks good. It wouldn't have worked with me anyway. The whole point is Tony saw her across the room and fell madly in love. Who'd look at Blaine and me together and think that's even possible? Like Anita said, "Stick to your own kind". That's an excellent piece of advice right there."

Artie was totally confused as to what to say so he said nothing. They reached the library and Mercedes chose a table in a quiet corner.

"They were talking about sex, about the first time." she said, slowing ripping a piece of paper into shreds. "Just girl talk between friends, you know?"

"I remember my first time." Artie said. "Britt said "We're going to do it and then we're going to duet." At the time I thought it was clever play on words. But she was serious, she just wanted a duet partner. Sex means nothing to her."

"They probably figure I don't have anything to add to the discussion. Me and Shane naked isn't something they want to visualize. Thing is, I haven't slept with Shane. I'm not sure if I want to. My first time was in New York, during Nationals."

"Sam?"

"Yes, Sam. It was that night we found out we lost. Everybody was screaming and yelling in the hotel room and we left. We just left. Sam figured he'd never be in a hotel that expensive again so he might as well check it out. I figured nobody would notice if I wasn't there, and they didn't. I mean nobody asked me where I went. Anyway, we found a door to the roof that was blocked open, meaning you could open the door without the fire alarm going off."

"It was cold, freezing cold, so Sam went back and got some blankets. We sat there all night, just looking at the city lights and talking. Huddled under the blankets, it was like camping. I fell asleep, leaning against Sam. Then he was shaking me, waking me up. "You're missing it!" he said. It was sunrise, sunrise over Manhattan. You should have seen it, it was so beautiful. Then I noticed he was staring at me."

"It's so beautiful. You're missing it." I said, meaning the sunrise.

"I'm looking at something even more beautiful." he said.

"I had to laugh, I mean, we have mirrors at my house. It was so ridiculous, you know? Crazy, something like that from such a cute guy. A guy who dated Quinn!" Mercedes smiled at the memory.

"You ever hear Hallelujah, where Leonard Cohen says "her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you"? It was like that, only a guy and sunrise but I guess you see what I mean. I think that's why I did it, everything was so romantic and Sam was so...I don't know." She looked down at her hands. "Sam had a way of making me feel beautiful. He was good at that. I could forget about everything else when I was with him. " She sniffled. "I think I'm getting a cold."

"Coffee." Artie said.

"Huh?"

"Coffee's good for that. I'll buy you some."


	2. I Can't Make You Love Me

He looked at his woman on the monitor singing during the morning announcements. His woman. She wouldn't be his woman much longer. She hadn't been his woman since... Hell, had she ever been his woman? He thought so once, and she'd tried. She really tried to be his woman. It almost broke her, she tried so hard. He would always love her for that.

She's singing, she looks so beautiful, radiant, when she's singing. Damn, he loves her. If you love somebody set them free. Easy to say, ain't it?

Does she know who sponsored the news today? She's not supposed to. Would she do it differently if she did? No, once she learns a song she sounds the same every time.

_I can't make you love me_  
><em>If you don't.<em>  
><em>You can't make your heart feel<em>  
><em>Something it won't.<em>  
><em>Here in the dark<em>  
><em>In these final hours,<em>  
><em>I will lay down my heart<em>  
><em>And I'll feel the power;<em>  
><em>But you won't.<em>  
><em>No, you won't.<em>  
><em>'Cause I can't make you love me<em>  
><em>If you don't.<em>

It's strange, her sitting next to him, her on the monitor. She's watching herself, analyzing her flawless performance, listening for imperfections imperceptible to the human ear, talking about what she needs to work on. If one good thing comes from this it's that, how strong she is now. She was such a doormat when he first met her. That's the worst thing they did to her, make her think she wasn't any good, that she didn't deserve anything, that she should be grateful with whatever crumbs they threw her way.

He looks at her looking at herself on the monitor. She thinks she needs him but she'll be okay. He knows she will. She's always been okay, she just didn't know it. Now she's looking at him.

"You okay?" she asks.

"Better than okay. I got you a present."

"Really?" she got that guarded look she sometimes gets. The only time she completely loses it is when she's singing. Sometimes it slips when they're alone.

"It's nothing bad. Here." he slid the small box across the table.

She looked alarmed and he laughed softly. "It's not an engagement ring or anything."

She relaxed and opened the box. It was a necklace. A necklace with a bird. "It's nice but why now? When we saw it at the mall I thought I'd get it at Christmas."

"It's a swan." She pulled her hair aside as he latched the jewelry around her neck. Her hair smelled like coconut. He was going to miss that, her smell. He lightly kissed the back of her neck. She giggled. "Like you. You've had a good run so far this year."

"Auditioning for West Side Story was a freaking disaster."

"You learned something. You learned what they really think of you. That's important to know. If that hadn't happened you'd never gone to Shelby, you'd never would have sung a lead at Sectionals."

"But now she's leaving."

"But she was here long enough. Long enough to see what you are, long enough to show everybody how good you are. You learned more from her in three months than in the whole two years before you worked with her."

"But now I have to go back." she said slowly.

"You don't have to go back. You want to go back. That's different. You're going back on your terms. They're the lucky ones, getting to sing with you. Don't forget that, you're not crawling back on your knees."

She knows how he feels about her friends, he knows how her friends feel about him. He hopes he's taught her to believe in herself, to fight for herself. If they want to call that an arrogant attitude then that's the way it'll have to be. "You're good baby, don't ever forget it! Now I have to tell you something. Something very important. You remember the song you sang today?"

"Yes."

"Well, what did you think? Did you wonder why I wanted to hear it?"

"It's such a sad song. In love with somebody who..." what he said reached her brain. "You? That was for you?"

"Yeah, me. You don't love me. It's not your fault, it's just the truth. I know you tried as hard as you could but love shouldn't be that hard. I love you but I'm giving up this fight. Goodbye, Mercedes."

Mercedes watched through tears as Shane stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets and walked out of the cafeteria.

_I'll close my eyes,_  
><em>Then I won't see<em>  
><em>The love you don't feel<em>  
><em>When you're holding me.<em>  
><em>Morning will come,<em>  
><em>And I'll do what's right;<em>  
><em>Just give me till then<em>  
><em>To give up this fight.<em>

_And I will give up this fight._

* * *

><p>I can't make you love me if you don't – Bonnie Raitt<p> 


	3. Brown Eyed Girl

**This is a former one-shot that fits here. If it sound familiar just skip ahead.**

One Week Earlier.**  
><strong>

Rory Flanagan saw the boy with the odd-ball haircut heading his way and braced himself for impact. So far this school was the worst experience of his young life. To think this, this was supposed to be some kind of an honor. A nightmare is more like it. Just as the kid reached him and started to lean in for the shove against the locker, a mullet – that's what the haircut is called Rory remembered, he heard a voice behind him. A girl cursing like a sailor.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Mullet boy hesitated. "Isn't there a kindergarten somewhere you're supposed to be terrorizing? I can take care of this myself, you know that asshole, but if you're thinking of coming back with company remember, I've got company too! 6 foot 4, 300 pounds of company! So why don't you just skip off and we'll forget this whole thing ever happened!"

Mullet boy liked that idea and Rory turned around to see a short black browned-eyed girl standing behind him.

"Mercedes. Mercedes Jones." she said extending her hand. "Sorry for that. Why some people want to spend their time spreading hate and discontent, I'll never know, but if you're in a jam just drop the name "Shane". He's a friend and I'll ask him to watch out for you."

"Thank you." he said in a thick Irish brogue, looking at the girl in wonder. Besides Brittany, who doesn't seem very bright and Santana, who is pure evil, she's the only girl to have spoken to him. And black people are in short supply back home. "My name is Rory. Rory Flanagan."

"That's not English, is it?" He looked irritated so she added. "Of course I know you're speaking English. What I meant is that's not an English accent. It's not Scotland or Wales either. Ireland?"

"Yes, it's Irish." Thank god she's not going to make fun of his accent.

"Like Sinead O'Connor?"

_"I know that living with you, baby, was sometimes hard but I'm willing to give it another try. 'cause nothing compares, nothing compares to you_ " he sang. She smiled, this Mercedes had a very nice smile. He wondered if the Shane she mentioned was her boyfriend of her brother. Brother, he hoped.

"The Cranberries?"

_"You know I'm such a fool for you. You've got me wrapped around your finger. Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to? Do you have to? Do you have to let it linger?"_ he sang. She smiled even more broadly.

"U2?"

_"I have climbed highest mountains, I have run through the fields, Only to be with you, Only to be with you. I have run, I have crawled. I have scaled these city walls. These city walls, Only to be with you. But I still haven't found what I'm looking for_."

"Sorry, I'm all out of Irish bands but you're good."

_Slipping and a-sliding_  
><em>All along the waterfall<em>  
><em>With you, my brown-eyed girl,<em>  
><em>You, my brown-eyed girl.<em>

_Do you remember when we used to sing_  
><em>Sha la la la la la la la la la la dee dah<em>  
><em>Just like that<em>  
><em>Sha la la la la la la la la la la dee dah<em>  
><em>La dee dah.<em>

"Van Morrison, he's Irish." he said.

"Oh, you ARE good, you're very good. I have someone I want you to meet." She linked arms with him. Shelby's gonna love him. "Rory, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"The Maltese Falcon and Casablanca at the same time?" he asked.

Oh, she thought. He knows movies too? That Maltese Falcon quote was tricky. Sam Spade used it to complement Bridget O'Shaughnessy on her super sweet bald-faced lying skills. Only Sam Evans would have caught something like that. She looked closely at the baby-faced Irish kid. Please don't let him start spouting Na'vi!

Nope, she decided. She'd been down that road before, and she's not going back!

* * *

><p>Nothing Compares to You – Sinead O'Connor<br>Linger – The Cranberries  
>I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For – U2<br>Brown Eyed Girl – Van Morrison

Any one of which would have been better than "It's not easy being green."


	4. A Whole New World

"You know Artie, you must be some kind of anti-good luck charm."

"Why do you say that?" Artie asked looking at the mystery meal in front of him.

"Well, lately, whenever something bad happens I look up and there you are." Mercedes said.

"Like what?"

"Well, the all-girls-but-me-gabfest. Like Shane just dumping me."

"Shane dumped YOU? In what universe could something like that even happen?"

"This one. Actually, for once I saw it coming. He saw a video of me and Sam."

Mercedes definitely didn't seem like the sex-tape type girl. But she also didn't seem like the sex on a roof type so there you go. He suddenly remembered how she looked in that Rocky Horror black lace corset getup. Damn! "Tell me more!" Artie was intrigued.

"Not that kind of video." she blushed. "Shane likes to watch his performance. On the football field, you perv! So he wanted to see some of our performances. He's watching them and asked me where I was. What could I say? Then he saw Quinn and Sam at Sectionals. "Damn it baby, you're way better than Ken and Barbie. That's just fucked up." Again, what could I say?" Then I went to the bathroom and he's still looking at videos, you know, stuff I recorded just for me. For instance, Shelby will call out Dinah Washington let's say. If you do Ella Fitzgerald you lose points. Stupid but you learn a lot. So I walk back in and he's watching a video of me and Sam, singing a song for Stacey and Stevie."

"What was it?" For Sam's little brother and sister huh, probably not Donna Summer singing Love to Love You Baby. He'd like to see her cover that, 3 minutes of moaning and groaning. Damn, what's wrong with him today? She didn't include a lot of detail to that rooftop story but he's been filling in the blanks ever since he heard it.

"Disney." she's saying. "A Whole New World. I didn't know what to do, should I lunge for the remote or just play it off like a joke? He just stared at me, with an expression I couldn't decipher. Then he said he had to go. He acted fine in church the next day, then this." She pushed around her mystery meal. "He said I've never looked at him like that. He said I need to get over Ken, that's what he called Sam, before I can move on. He said he's not waiting around."

"Pretty smart for a jock. And pretty dumb, too."

"Shane's smart, jocks aren't all dumb. Smart enough to see through me."

"Too dumb to see you're worth waiting for."

"Well thank you, sir." she said laughing like it was a joke. What's so funny, he thought. He was about to ask when Rory sat down at their table.

"Please tell your boyfriend thank you for saving my life this morning."

"He's not my boyfriend anymore but I'll pass along the message."

"Really?" he said, rolling his r's for extra effect. "Really?"

"Damn, Rory, give the girl some room to breath! It only happened five minutes ago. Can't you see she's hurting? Times like these you need an OLD friend to talk to."

"Or a NEW friend. They're good too. Maybe somebody with an international perspective."

Mercedes looked at both of them. If she didn't know better-no, that kind of thing doesn't happen to her. "I don't have so many friends I can afford to throw them away. I'll keep you both."

"By the way, Ms. Jones. I hear you're coming back. It's my turn to sing and it would be my pleasure if you'd accompany me." Artie said. Rory's turn was last week. Too bad about that!

"Well thank you Mr. Abrams, the pleasure is all mine." She smiled at both of them.

* * *

><p>"Blaine, bad news." Artie said as the group settled into their seats. "I'm dumping you on today's duet assignment. Mercedes is coming back, and being the gentleman I am..."<p>

"Sure, Artie, I understand completely. But, how are you going to do "Everything She Wants" as a boy/girl duet?"

"Watch and learn." He rolled to the front of the classroom.

"I'm doing a special duet with our newest old member. Mercedes?" He held out his hand like a gentleman. Mercedes looked at the paper in front of her and started singing the first verse.

_I look in your eyes and I can see_  
><em>You've loved so dangerously<em>  
><em>You're not trusting your heart to anyone<em>  
><em>You tell me you're gonna play it smart<em>  
><em>We're through before we start<em>  
><em>But I believe that we've only just begun<em>  
><em>When it's this good, there's no saying no<em>  
><em>I want you so, I'm ready to go<em>

_[Chorus:]_  
><em>Through the fire<em>  
><em>To the limit, to the wall<em>  
><em>For a chance to be with you<em>  
><em>I'd gladly risk it all<em>  
><em>Through the fire<em>  
><em>Through whatever, come what may<em>  
><em>For a chance at loving you<em>  
><em>I'd take it all the way<em>  
><em>Right down to the wire<em>  
><em>Even through the fire<em>

Then Artie sang.

_I know you're afraid of what you feel_  
><em>You still need time to heal<em>  
><em>And I can help if you'll only let me try<em>  
><em>You touch me and something in me knows<em>  
><em>What I could have with you<em>  
><em>Well I'm not ready to kiss that dream goodbye<em>  
><em>When it's this sweet, there's no saying no<em>  
><em>I need you so, I'm ready to go<em>

Then the last verse together, Mercedes giving those Chaka Khan high notes the group had been missing.

_Through the test of time_  
><em>Through the fire, to the limit<em>  
><em>Through the fire, through whatever<em>  
><em>Through the fire, to the limit<em>  
><em>Through the fire, through whateve<em>r

Well, when it comes to cheering up a girl Artie's pretty good. And Rory's already put in a request to sing "Moondance" with her next week. Mercedes decided she could get to like this.

* * *

><p>Through the Fire – Chaka Khan<p> 


	5. Perfect

**I went back and forth on whether it's going to be dreamboat or douchebag Sam. Then I heard Sam's song on the radio and it was decided!**

* * *

><p>Mercedes was angry and getting madder by the second. Normally this would make Artie unhappy too, but not today. You'd think the sudden reappearance of Sam Evans would have made her happy but no, something about the song he's singing is pissing her off big time. What is it about this song? Sam's singing and grinning like a fool but Ms. Jones ain't buying what he's selling. He's much too far away to see the storm gathering in her eyes. If this were a cartoon, daggers would be flying from her eyes directly into his heart. Artie smiled to himself. Keep going, blondie. Keep going. He heard a sharp intake of breath when Sam went too far.<p>

_So why waste time_  
><em>With the other guys?<em>  
><em>When you can have mine?<em>  
><em>I ain't askin' for no sacrifice<em>  
><em>Baby your friends do not need to know!<em>  
><em>I've got a real nice place to go<em>

_Listen,_  
><em>I don't need you to care<em>  
><em>I don't need you to understand<em>  
><em>All I want is for you to be there<em>  
><em>When I'm turned on<em>  
><em>If you want me-<em>  
><em>I'm your man!<em>

_If you're gonna do it, do it right - right?_  
><em>Do it with me<em>

_Now listen_  
><em>If you're gonna do it - you know what I say?<em>  
><em>If you're gonna do it don't throw it away<em>  
><em>Don't throw it baby<em>  
><em>Because<em>  
><em>I'll be your boy, I'll be your man<em>  
><em>I'll be the one who understands<em>  
><em>I'll be your first, I'll be your last<em>  
><em>I'll be the only one you ask<em>  
><em>I'll be your friend, I'll be your toy<em>  
><em>I'll be the one who brings you joy<em>  
><em>I'll be your hope, I'll be your pearl<em>  
><em>I'll take you halfway 'round the world!<em>  
><em>I'll make you rich - I'll make you poor<em>  
><em>Just don't use the door<br>_I'm your man!__

"You okay?" Artie asked his friend.

"I gotta get out of here!" she muttered under her breath.

"Your wish is my command. Watch and learn."

The second Sam finished singing Artie clutched his arm and started wheeling in a rambling circle towards the door. "Nurse!" he mumbled. Mercedes immediately jumped up and offered him assistance, making the door in record time, Sam looking after them in puzzlement.

"You gonna be okay?" he asked as they rolled down the hallway.

"What an ass! I can't believe I fell for that crap. Shit! Yes, I'll be okay. I survived that lying rat bastard once, I'll survive again. You want a ride home or you want to go get some coffee?"

"Would I turn down coffee with you? Never!"

**Later at the coffee shop.**

"Did you go to Sam's going away party?" Mercedes finally asked. Artie wondered when she was going to say something, she hadn't said a word the whole way there.

"Yes, a pool party at Blaine's house. It was okay. I'm not much into pool parties." Actually Artie hates pool parties. Nothing for him to do but watch people jump in and out of the pool. Good times! "Kurt said you were visiting relatives."

"Right. I went to Columbus to visit my brother. Know why?"

"Nope. I figured it was some previous arrangement."

"No, before that I spent a whole day with Sam. He didn't say a word about leaving. Then I got home and there's the invitation, in the mail mind you. The mail takes a few days. I asked Kurt, he knew for two weeks that Sam was leaving town. Everybody knew, well everybody but me, the girl he was having sex with. Two whole weeks we screwed around and he didn't say a word about leaving town! I felt like a slut, some stupid meaningless hookup." She took a sip of coffee and looked at her cup. "I couldn't see going to a party where we'd pretend we didn't know each other. It was supposed to be a secret. "Baby your friends do not need to know! I've got a real nice place to go". She slammed the cup onto the table. "Ain't that romantic? Can't he sweet talk a girl? When he was gone it was easy to gloss over what happened, just remember the good parts. Now he's back and rubbing it all in my face. Idiot!"

"You or him?"

She looked at Artie like she wanted to slap him. Then she laughed. "Both of us. Mostly me now that you mention it. Anyway pool parties ain't my thing either. Bad enough I have to look at the competition with clothes on. Bathing suits? Like I said, it's bad enough every day." She looked into her coffee cuplike she was reading tea leaves. "Artie, ask me how many times he called me since then. Ask me!"

"Mercedes, it was a mistake. How long are you going to beat yourself up over it? Just be glad you didn't end up like Quinn. Wasn't Brittney a huge mistake? Didn't I chase her like a fool? Didn't I believe what I wanted to believe?"

"The thing is, I still want him." she laughed sharply. "Stupid, huh? But if he has a halfway believable story I'd take him back."

"Yeah, that is stupid." Artie didn't mention that until fairly recently he would have taken Brittney back too.

**One week later**

Artie saw Sam casually step out of the janitor closet. Interesting, he thought. Sam moved down the hall and stopped to talk to some football players and cheerleaders. Five minutes later Mercedes stepped out of the same closet. Jesus! She walked past Sam, slowing up just enough for Sam to say hi. He didn't. She looked down and kept walking until she got to her locker.

"You deserve better than that." he said rolling up to her locker.

"Damn it, Artie! Don't you have anything better to do with your time?"

"No, I don't have anything to do that's more important than this right now. Don't you even deserve a bed to have sex in? Standing up in a janitor's closet? Why do you do that?"

"Maybe, for me, this is the best I can hope for." she said slowly closing her locker. "Just leave me alone, okay? Please?"

"Sure, but let me ask you one question first. You said that night on the roof Sam made you feel beautiful. How do you feel right now?" He turned and rolled away.

* * *

><p>Mercedes skipped the next couple of practices and nobody seemed to notice. Sometimes Artie thinks she's right when she says they only need her for a 12th body, sometimes he thinks that's the only reason they need him. Finally, after a week, she showed up again. Actually she only missed two practices but it seemed like forever. She sat in her usual seat in the back row, but made a point of smiling at Artie and pointedly ignoring Sam, who looked irritated. Artie rolled to the front of the room. "This song's for Mercedes, who's...well, you'll figure out what I think."<p>

_Made a wrong turn, once or twice,_  
><em>Dug my way out, blood and fire,<em>  
><em>Bad decisions, that's alright,<em>  
><em>Welcome to my silly life.<em>

_Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood,_  
><em>Miss, no it is all good,<em>  
><em>It didn't slow me down.<em>  
><em>Mistaken, always second guessing,<em>  
><em>Under-estimated, look I'm still around.<em>

_Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel,_  
><em>Like you're less than fuckin' perfect,<em>  
><em>Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel<em>  
><em>Like you're nothing, you're fuckin' perfect<br>To me._

_You're so mean, when you talk_  
><em>About yourself, you were wrong,<em>  
><em>Change the voices in your head,<em>  
><em>Make them like you instead,<em>

_So complicated, look how we all make it,_  
><em>Filled with so much hatred,<em>  
><em>Such a tired game.<em>  
><em>Its enough, I've done all I can think of,<em>  
><em>Chased down all my demons,<em>  
><em>Lets see you do the same,<em>

_Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel,_  
><em>Like you're less than fuckin' perfect,<em>  
><em>Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel,<em>  
><em>Like you're nothing, you're fuckin' perfect, to me.<em>

_The whole worlds scared, so I swallow the fear,_  
><em>The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer,<em>  
><em>So cool in line, and we try, try, try, but we try too hard,<em>  
><em>It's a waste of my time,<em>  
><em>Done looking for the critics, cos' they're everywhere,<em>  
><em>They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair,<em>  
><em>Estrange our selves and we do it all the time,<em>  
><em>Why do we do that?<br>Why do I do that?_  
><em>Why do I do that?<em>

He looked up and saw Mercedes, looking perfectly beautiful.

* * *

><p>I'm Your Man – Wham!<p>

Fuckin' Perfect – P!nk


	6. Amazing Grace

Kurt and Blaine waited patiently in the library while Mercedes finished her conversation with Shane and a black girl they didn't know. Finally they're all stood up. Mercedes hugged Shane and the girl. They left and Mercedes sat down and pulled out a textbook.

"Hey, Mercedes." Kurt said sitting down. She looked up and smiled at the two boys.

"Hi Kurt, Blaine."

"So, is that a new recruit?" Kurt asked.

"Who, Patrice? No, she's Shane's new girlfriend."

"I thought you were Shane's girlfriend." he sounded surprised.

"No." she also sounded surprised. "We broke up a couple of weeks ago. 'Course, how would you know that? Yes, we broke up."

"Because Sam came back?"

"No. We broke up before Sam came back. Sam had nothing to do with it." She looked from Kurt to Blaine and back again. "Is that why you're here?"

"No. We wanted to talk about the two glee clubs."

"There aren't two glee clubs anymore. Not since Shelby had to leave town to protect Beth from a certain crazy woman. We'll all one big happy now." she said sarcastically.

"See, that's what I mean. We operate as if there were two clubs. It's a waste of talent."

"How's that?"

"We should be one unit, compete as a cohesive team. We're family."

"Are we?"

Kurt stared at her. "Of course we are!"

Mercedes leaned forward and propped her elbows on the library table. She placed her fingertips together.

"Kurt, remember when you were at Dalton? You felt like it was Blaine and the Pips and you told Blaine how you felt?"

"Rachel told you about that?"

"Not exactly." Actually she overheard Rachel talking to Finn about it. She and Rachel rarely speak, even back then. "Then what happened?"

"Blaine arranged for me to sing a lead."

"Why?"

"Because he cares about me."

"Ah!" she sat back. "And that's why it feels like there's two glee clubs, the one with people Schuester cares about and the other one. You're lucky that Blaine was willing to do that for you. I don't have a Blaine. As long as I'm in the same club as thin girls I'm never going to sing a lead. I should have realized that when Quinn sang at Sectionals. So Shelby gave me a lead at Sectionals. I guess Regionals will be the same old same old."

"You could have given Schuester another chance. And Santana, why did you steal Santana?"

"How many chances should I give Schuester? I'm young but I'm not that young. And I didn't steal Santana, she makes her own decisions. If she'd listened to me it would have saved us all a lot of aggravation. Also, I don't know what Santana plans to do, what with Finn outing her and all. She may switch schools for all I know, in which case Finn wins. Contrary to popular opinion, I'm not such a diva that I think I don't need her."

Blaine hadn't said anything during this conversation, he just sat watching the former friends. He'd never understood how they could have been close friends in the first place, they're so unlike each other. Kurt couldn't explain it, he just insisted they were. He could tell that Mercedes didn't think they were close friends now. She was being polite, but not especially warm.

"So things are going to stay the way they are?"

"Like I said, without Santana I'm done, unless Patrice can sing. I should have asked her. With Santana I have backup, moral support, a friend believe it or not. Finn could had just taken her aside and told her to cut that shit. Santana you gotta shut down right away, let her know you're not going to take it right off the bat. She respects that. You ever babysit a spoiled rotten brat? The more you take the more they'll dish out. That's Santana. Anyway, Finn let it drag on too long until they were both out of control. According to Shane that's why the Ohio State thing went down the way it did, he does the same thing on the football field."

"When you guys used to be friends..." Blaine said, they both had forgotten he was sitting there. "Why? What did you have in common?"

"I told you Blaine, we rode the same bus in middle school." Kurt started.

"Yes, but there were lots of kids on the bus. Why did you two become friends?"

"Mercedes was the only black kid on the bus." Kurt replied.

"And Kurt was different from the others. Nice." Mercedes added. "I didn't notice at the time that he didn't have any friends either. He smiled and asked me to sit down next to him. We lived near each other."

"I think both our parents were glad we'd found a friend. Mercedes played the piano, she didn't sing back then, and we'd put on shows."

"When Kurt's mother was sick." she hesitated because Kurt doesn't like to talk about his mother. Then she plowed on. "We put on a show every day."

Kurt got quiet, the way he always does when his mother comes up. "Then we found out Mercedes can sing." He said finally. "My mom discovered it. She liked the way we sounded together."

"She was the first person, outside of family, to say I was any good."

"So why did you stop being friends?"

"We didn't stop being friends." Kurt said emphatically. Mercedes didn't say anything. "Did we?" Kurt asked.

"We stopped being best friends. We just don't have anything in common anymore." she said, addressing Blaine. "Kurt's got you and Rachel. I've got...stuff."

"Like what?" they both asked.

"Like the TroubleTones."

"But that's pretty recent. What about before that?" Kurt asked.

"Before that is ancient history." And she was right, Kurt thought. He had no idea what she did with her time. She has no idea what Kurt does anymore. They haven't had a real conversation, just the two of them, in almost a year. "I don't know if there's any particular incident we can point to and say "There! That's it!" We just drifted apart. Rachel didn't help but it's not like she stole you from me. You and Rachel, you're good for each other. You need each other. You guys have the same dream. We used to need each other but that was middle school."

"You said you were mad about that religion thing when your dad was sick." Blaine said to Kurt. "Was that when it started?"

"You're still mad about that?" Mercedes was shocked. "I apologized. You said you forgave me. All I did was invite you to church. You didn't have to go if you didn't want to. Why'd you say you forgave me if you're still mad? We could have talked it out, like we used to when we were frie- like we used to before. I'm not the one who set up a prayer circle in Burt's room! But she's still your best friend and I'm dead to you for believing in God?"

"It's not just that!"

"Then what was it?" Mercedes remembered they were in the library and lowered her voice. "You like her better than you like me. I get that. Not that you asked me but I forgave you for singing on a Broadway stage and not asking me to come along. Yeah, I heard about that! But by that time I already knew we were over. I knew we were over the day you left for Dalton. Everybody in that room knew about Dave, everybody but me! I guess you didn't trust me, afraid I'd mention going to church again. Did I ever do that, after you said you didn't appreciate it? No! I didn't even take it as a personal insult that fat kids are the only problem you see at McKinley, something important enough to base a campaign on."

"I never said that!"

"I know you never said that and I'm sure you didn't mean it that way but a lot of people took it that way. Not me, people who don't know you. You went from "that gay kid" to "that skinny gay kid" It's like the "religion thing"."He could hear the air quotes. "I didn't mean it that way, that you were wrong not to believe in God. I'm sorry. That's the third and last time I'm going to say it. Forgive me or don't. Your choice."

Artie, Sugar and Rory walked in together and headed for their table. "I have to go." she said standing up. "Thanks for changing your platform to anti-dodgeball, by the way. Bye."

**Later at the coffee shop.**

"You don't have much to say today." Rory said. "Something wrong?"

"I'm just thinking." She shot Artie a look that she hoped said _we need to talk, later._ Then she said, "Remember that song Kurt and Blaine sang at Regionals? You guys weren't here then." she said to Sugar and Rory. "It was a pretty song, totally inappropriate though. I always thought the judges were so pissed off they voted for us instead. If you read the words it's not so bad but the way they sang it it came across as a love song to each other. I didn't think about this at the time, I was so happy for Kurt, but...the way I heard it Warblers audition, like we do, and Kurt didn't get picked for a lead. Then all of a sudden there he is, singing lead at a competition. How did Blaine do that, when supposedly he wasn't even in charge? Well, I guess "Love" answers that question. But more importantly, what happened to the guys who won the audition? Then I thought, I've never heard anybody but Blaine or Kurt sing a lead with the Warblers. New Directions acts like they have it in the bag since they have Blaine but suppose the Warblers have as many talented people sitting on their bench as we do?"

Artie considered that. There were three strong singers sitting at the table. Two of whom had no chance of getting a lead if Schuester had anything to do with it. Rory had a shot and Sugar was a dancer and had no desire to sing. Artie found Sugar to be a very interesting person. Irritating as hell at times but she knew what she wanted. She wanted to be on a winning team, she could accept being a dancer on that team once she was convinced that was how she'd best help the team. He would have never believed it when he saw "Big Spender" but Sugar was a good dancer. Seeing the transformation of Sugar is why Mercedes has a girl-crush on Shelby, Shelby's a hell of a good coach. Correction, Shelby was a hell of a good coach before Quinn ran her out of town. And Mercedes had learned some things from Shane, about football teams and how members have jobs and positions. There's one quarterback, you don't pick a new one every week. Rachel and Blaine were the quarterbacks of New Edition and auditioning every week isn't going to change that, it was just an frustrating waste of time. In the TroubleTones Mercedes and Santana shared that position. What position did Artie and Rory want to play? Had anybody even asked them?

"I've heard them sing, without Blaine." Sugar said.

"Where?" they all asked her at the same time.

"My youth group was at a nursing home, handing out snacks and visiting with the residents. The Warblers were there singing. They are very good, even without Blaine."

"Youth group?" Rory asked.

"Yes. At my mosque there's a youth group. It's lots of fun! We just do stuff, for fun and community and stuff. Oh, come sing for us! It can be an interfaith thing, we like that! Catholic, Jewish, what are you again Mercedes?"

"Nondenominational Christian. We serve God by helping each other. We think God likes it better if you're handing out food to the homeless than if you're making a list of who's going to hell and why." she smiled shyly. "Don't mean to get all preachy." She remembered how much Kurt hated that and wondered if other people took it that way.

"It's okay. We do the same thing, help each other. Can you come on Thursday?"

**Which is why a week later -**

Mercedes had actually forgotten that Sugar was Muslim, she didn't dress or act any differently than anybody else, but looking around some girls were wearing a headscarf and some were not. Obviously this was a not-so-strict mosque Mercedes though looking around the meeting room. Well, if you've seen one meeting room you've seen them all and mosques are no different. Someone had set up a table with refreshments but it was the same tile floor, the same florescent lights, same hard folding chairs. Rory and Artie are thinking the same thing as they prepare to sing the song they've selected. Sugar had said this was no big deal, just something for the youth group, but then a reporter and cameraman showed up.

"Sugar, what's up that that?" Artie asked.

"Daddy's idea. He's always looking for good press for the center, trying to convince people we aren't secretly plotting the destruction of America. So what are you singing?"

Rory took the stage and started the first verse. His sweet clear voice filled the room. Mercedes sang the second verse, Artie the third. Acapella, the way this song was meant to be sung.

_Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,_  
><em>That saved a wretch like me.<em>  
><em>I once was lost but now am found,<em>  
><em>Was blind, but now I see.<em>

_T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear._  
><em>And Grace, my fears relieved.<em>  
><em>How precious did that Grace appear<em>  
><em>The hour I first believed.<em>

_When we've been here ten thousand years_  
><em>Bright shining as the sun.<em>  
><em>We've no less days to sing God's praise<em>  
><em>Than when we've first begun.<em>

Rory and Mercedes stood behind Artie as they sang the last verse together, the verse that made the nightly news.

_Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,  
>That saved a wretch like me.<br>I once was lost but now am found,  
>Was blind, but now I see.<em>

* * *

><p>Amazing Grace – LeAnn Rimes does an amazing acapella version of this.<p>

And thanks to **Alone by SS Fourniner** for taking this story in a different direction. Two days later I'm still thinking about that story, maybe that God/religion discussion in Grilled Cheesus affected Kurt more that I thought and that's when they started to drift apart.


	7. Home is Where the Heart Is

Mercedes watched as yet another glee relationship crashed and burned. Asian fusion was officially unfused. All those new dancers coming from the TroubleTones was just too much temptation for Mike. Oh well, he's graduating anyway and Tina seemed to be taking it okay, until now. It was Mercedes' turn but Tina ask to cut in line so she could emote in song. Glee club tradition, broken hearts and go to hell songs get priority. Mercedes didn't care, she had something special to sing but she needed Santana who kept promising to come back but hadn't actually made it into the room yet. So now Tina was singing.

_I know what ya done_  
><em>I saw ya in my crystal<em>  
><em>I saw you making love<em>  
><em>I'm gonna get my pistol<em>

_Telepathy's gonna be the death of me_  
><em>Telepathy's gonna be the death of me<em>

_I know what ya done before you even do it_  
><em>Don't tell me yer story I can see through it<em>

_Love is really mutual trust_  
><em>Respect and understanding is a must<em>  
><em>But my baby's mind is like TV<em>  
><em>And everything I see makes a fool of me<em>

_I know what you've done, yeah_  
><em>You think I don't know<em>  
><em>You been playing round with Mrs. So-And-So<em>

_Telepathy's gonna be the death of me_

_Oh, those little lies_  
><em>Right, behind your eyes<em>  
><em>I don't need no spies<em>  
><em>With my ESP<em>  
><em>You're not fooling me<em>  
><em>But ohhhhhh, the jealousy<em>

Mike was shifting in his seat uncomfortably, and several, as in more than one, girls were looking at him suspiciously. Puck and Sam were looking at him with new respect in their eyes.

**Later that night**

Blaine sat on his favorite stool, the one farthest from the bartender. He didn't realize it was karaoke night, normally he hates that kinds of stuff. you'd think people would have some kind of embarrassment gene. You'd think wrong, it's atrocious what you hear on karaoke night. The other bad thing about karaoke is it keeps down the crowd. Blaine prefers a crowed bar, one where the bartender doesn't have time to wonder why your ID says you're 24 and you look 18, and even 18 would be a stretch. Avoiding the bartender really cuts into his beer consumption so Blaine's way behind where he'd normally be this time of the night. If it wasn't for that damned Sebastian he could go to Scandals, but no, that's a trap. Getting drunk around Sebastian is a recipe for disaster. So he's listening to a girl that's pretty good for a change and she's really into the song, twirling across the stage during the instrumental section.

_Home is where the heart is, home is so remote_  
><em>Home is just emotion sticking in my throat<em>

_Let's go to your place_  
><em>Let's go to your place<em>

_Home is where the heart is, home is so remote_  
><em>Home is just emotion sticking in my throat<em>  
><em>Home is hard to swallow, home is like a rock<em>  
><em>Home is good clean living, home is - I forgot<em>

_Let's go to your place_  
><em>Let's go to your place<em>  
><em>Let's go to your place<em>  
><em>Let's go to your place<em>

_Home is so suspicious, home is close control_  
><em>Home is will you miss us, home is, I don't know<em>

_Let's go to your place_  
><em>Let's go to your place<em>  
><em>Let's go to your place<em>  
><em>Let's go to your place<em>

_Home is aggravation, home is so much fuss_  
><em>Home is mind your business, thank you very much<em>

_Let's go to your place_  
><em>Let's go to your place<em>  
><em>Let's go to your place<em>  
><em>Let's go to your place<em>

_I don't want to go back, I don't want to go back, I don't want to go back anymore.._

She half staggers off the stage and three guys trip over themselves offering assistance. As they 'help' her past her Blaine gets a good look at her face. Damn, it's that mousy Chinese girl from school. Tracy? Terri? Thomisina? Tina! And she's halfway to the door with one of those guys, who's obviously over 21, more like 40.

"Tina! What are you doing here?"

"I thought you said you name was AnneMarie O'Donnell."

"That's what my ID says, don't it?" she slurred.

"Quit joking around Tina. You remember me, Blaine, McKinley High School? We're juniors, remember?"

The man let go of Tina's arm like it was on fire.

"High school?" he asked.

"Yeah, well.." Tina said.

"High school?" the bartender asked.

"Leaving, we're leaving right now." Looks like he's got to find another bar to drink in.

"You're not driving tonight." he said buckling his seat belt. "Where do you live?"

"I can't go home like this." The cold night air seemed to have sobered her up a little. "They're not expecting me anyway. I'm visiting a sick friend. Can you believe they fell for that?"

"Any particular friend?"

"Nobody in particular. As you see, I can be quite friendly when I put my mind to it." She looked at Blaine and laughed. "You should see the look on your face. No, I don't go around sleeping with guys I pick up in bars. I told them Mercedes. They like Mercedes but she's not expecting me either. I can call her and she'll pick me up, no questions asked. She's good about that."

"I have room, you can spend the night at my house."

"Oh, Blaine!" she giggled. "I thought you'd never ask. I'm joking! That face again. I promise, I won't lay a finger on you."

**A six pack later**

Blaine woke up and he wasn't alone. Tina was laying next to him, dressed in one of his t-shirts. He should be horrified and embarrassed but he figured he might as well look since they probably were "intimate" as Kurt would say. Shit! He cheated on Kurt and he doesn't even remember it. He inched back the blanket. She had pretty legs, he never noticed before. She had a nice body, actually, or what he could make out under the tshirt. Her legs were bare and definitely nice. She woke up a few minutes after he did.

"Hey!" she said brightly. "Are your parents home? Do I have to sneak out of here or can I get breakfast first?"

"No, they're not home and I'm so sorry!"

"Bout what?" she asked climbing out of bed. She started looking around for her clothes. She bent over and the shirt rode up, showing her panties. They had butterflies printed on them. Blaine thought they were cute, should he be thinking that?

"Last night, taking advantage of you."

"You honestly can't remember what happened last night?" she looked at him carefully. "You really don't?" She tucked her hair behind her ears. That was cute too, Blaine thought.

"No, I remember the bar. We came here and drank some more. You said you were lonely and it was a strange house."

"Yeah, that was my ploy to get into your room. I should have made my move before you were so drunk."

"Means what?"

"Ever hear that song, Too Drunk to Fuck by the Dead Kennedys?" she turned away as he blushed. "Anyway, it's just as well. I'd like to think sex with me is something a guy would want to remember. Do you mind if I cook breakfast or do you need me out of here immediately?"

"Kurt's coming over."

"I like Kurt."

"Yes, but you being here for breakfast might take some explaining and I'm not sure where to start."

"Got it! I need a ride back to my car. Or I could ask Mercedes to pick me up and take me there." She smiled. "Not that she'd report back to Kurt but..."

"Give me a minute! But first, did anything happen? Anything that would constitute cheating on Kurt?"

"You really don't remember any of it?"

"Really."

"Okay, you have two options.

1 - We'll both forget everything. You'll stop trying to remember. There's nothing to tell Kurt.

2 - Let's blame it on the alcohol. If you want sordid details and a guilty conscious, let me know. Really, the details aren't at all sordid but may, I said may, include a kiss or two."

"Let's go with option 1 and swear never again."

"Cool."

* * *

><p>Telepathy – Lene Lovich<p>

Home is where the heart is – Lene Lovich

Yeah, I know Blaine's gay but this is hard drinking bi-smoochy Blaine, not the Glee version. Bi-smoochy is a term I stole from I don't remember who but it describes the Blaine I like.


	8. When You're Good to Mama

"So, were you really going home with that guy?" Blaine asked as he drove Tina back to her car.

"Hell no! AnneMarie just likes to sing and the only chance she gets is karaoke night. It's not like Tina gets many chances to sing. Well AnneMarie also has a monster boyfriend, 6-2 who plays football at Ohio State and who just happens to be working out at the gym next door. Want to see a picture of him?" She showed Blaine a picture of a big guy in a football uniform. "Marcus. Jealous as hell. Marcus always makes his way into AnneMarie's conversations. Totally made up but bar flies don't need to know that. Actually this is Mercedes' brother." She put her phone away. "I wasn't nearly as drunk as you think I was. AnneMarie's no fool." She winked at Blaine and started singing along with Lady Gaga on the radio.

"What's the deal with Mercedes?" He asked when the song was over.

"What do you mean?"

"Mercedes, Shue, Rachel, Kurt. What's the deal?"

"You saw that last day. You were there, right? That's what Mike said."

"I was there but it was like walking in the middle of a movie, like they were picking up where they left off on an old fight."

"What did Kurt say when you asked him?"

"He thinks Mercedes is jealous of Rachel, how she gets all the female leads."

"Half right. She's jealous all right, but not about leads. Rachel's got Kurt, that's what she's jealous of."

"Kurt?"

"Kurt! You wouldn't believe how close they used to be. Well, maybe you would because he's like that with Rachel now. She was crazy in love with him. Somehow, and this is how love-crazed she was, she didn't realize he was gay. He wasn't out then but any fool could see he was gay, except a fool in love. She asked him out, he didn't say the reason for the no was because he was gay, she felt like he was dumping her for Rachel and goes all 'Bust Your Windows'. Literally. Good thing Burt can replace a windshield at cost. Supposedly it's all ancient history, but really? Do you ever forget your first time?" She looked at Blaine and laughed. "I just love it when you make that face! I meant the first guy to break your heart. Hey! It's my stop! Thanks for protecting my honor last night." She started to climb out of the car.

"Wait! What's the deal from Rachel's point of view?"

"Competition. Rachel can't stand real competition. That's why she's been in such a good mood lately. Though if I were Kurt I'd ask Miss Best Friend why she picked _West Side Story_ for the school play. It's really a showcase for Tony and Maria and Kurt's no Tony. An ensemble piece, _Rent_ comes to mind, would have highlighted both of them. You guys should so sing "I'll Cover You." Angel, he was born to play Angel. See, that tells you something about Rachel right there, I'll bet _Rent_ never crossed her mind. Ask her about Sunshine and the crack house some time. That's not the name of a book, Sunshine is an actual person, Filipino girl Rachel almost got killed. Rachel wouldn't give a damn if Sunshine had gotten killed, accidentally mind you and without her fingerprints on it. Sunshine was a damned good singer."

"You're a good singer."

"That's so sweet! Get real. I'm not what Shue considers opening material. Well, Blaine, it's been a pleasure. But, wait a minute! Here's a question for you. What the hell were you doing boozing it up, alone?"

"Certain people don't like my drinking habits and I prefer not to have to listen to it."

"Trouble in paradise, huh? Well, if you're going to pass out like that you might want to listen to him. Not everybody is as trustworthy as I am. See you at school." She said slamming the car door. "Or if you need a drinking buddy." She winked again and walked away.

**About five minutes after the slap**

Santana felt herself being squeezed. Someone was squeezing her, making her stand up. Se wanted to sit down, or more accurately she wanted lie on the floor and curl up in a ball. She wanted to breathe but someone was holding her. It was like that time...No, it wasn't. He was strong, muscular, angry. This person was soft, strong but soft. He smelled like beer and sweat. This person smelled like strawberries and coconut. He was a him. This is a her, a very busty her. Like her abuela, not that bitch that raised her, the one who told her every day what a whore her mother was. The other one, the one that died when she was six. The last person in that house that loved her.

Santana opened her eyes and saw Brittany. She knew it wasn't Britt holding her, Britt's not at all busty. Britt looked at her and smiled. She looked past Santana and the person holding her loosened their grip. She looked down and the arms holding her are brown. Why? Why is Mercedes holding her like that? And why can she see Britt's mouth move but can't hear her? And what the hell is that noise?

Britt reached out and touched her lips. The noise stops. She pulled her hand back and the noise started again. She touched Santana's lips again and shook her head, no. The noise stopped and stayed stopped. Britt nodded her head and the restraint changed into a hug, and then it was gone. She turned her head and saw the auditorium door close behind Mercedes. Then Brittany was holding her hands and she can hear now.

_If I kiss you where it's sore_  
><em>If I kiss you where it's sore<em>  
><em>Will you feel better, better, better<em>  
><em>Will you feel anything at all<em>  
><em>Will you feel better, better, better<em>  
><em>Will you feel anything at all<em>

_Born like sisters to this world_  
><em>In a town where blood ties are only blood<em>  
><em>If you never say your name out loud to anyone<em>  
><em>They can never ever call you by it<em>

_If I kiss you where it's sore_  
><em>If I kiss you where it's sore<em>  
><em>Will you feel better, better, better<em>  
><em>Will you feel anything at all<em>  
><em>Will you feel better, better, better<em>  
><em>Will you feel anything at all<em>

_You're getting sadder, getting sadder, getting sadder, getting sadder_  
><em>And I don't understand, and I don't understand<em>  
><em>But if I kiss you where it's sore<em>  
><em>If I kiss you where it's sore<em>  
><em>Will you feel better, better, better<em>  
><em>Will you feel anything at all<em>  
><em>Will you feel better, better, better<em>  
><em>Will you feel anything at all<em>  
><em>Anything at all<em>

**About a week later**

Kurt and Blaine were almost knocked over by the giggling girls leaving the clothing store. Britt, Santana, Mercedes and Tina were all loaded down with shopping bags.

"Hello, ladies." Blaine said.

"Hello, gentlemen." Britt said.

"What's up?"

"Group makeover for all of us except Britt." Mercedes said.

"Britt's purrfect!" they said together.

"You wanna come along?" Mercedes asked. "Kurt's good at this."

"Sorry," Kurt said, "No time today. Just picking up something."

"Well, if you're free later we're having dinner at Breadsticks. Kind of a coming out party." Santana said with a laugh. "Us, Rory, Sugar and Artie. There's room for more."

"Sorry, tonight's already booked. Have fun!"

"It'll be tough without you but we'll try."

**That night at Breadsticks**

Blaine walked in and saw that the group had been joined by Puck, who was holding a baby in his lap.

"Blaine, meet Beth." Mercedes said sliding closer to Puck. She took the baby in her arms. "I've got the most lap." She said laughing.

"Puck's here spying on Shelby." Sugar said. "Oops, my bad! It's all a huge coincidence. She just happens to be here on a date and he just happened to stop by when he took Beth for a walk. Amazing, huh?"

Puck stroked Beth's hair as he stared at Shelby's table. He had been about to take a seat and join the couple when Shelby banished him over here, practically the kid's table.

"Puck, if you hand 'slips' one more time!" Mercedes warned him.

"Sorry" he said, not looking over.

"Where's the rest of your entourage?" Rory asked.

"Finn, Rachel and Kurt went to Dayton. I bailed."

"Well, welcome to the table of castaways. Poor little orphans, trying to make our way in the cold, cruel world." Tina said. "Getting by with sheer pluck and determination."

"And awesome good looks." Artie added.

**Next morning - at Blaine's**

"Hey, Kurt. What brings you here so early in the morning? Do I smell bagels?" she looked at the bag in Kurt's hand.

"Mercedes!" Kurt said awkwardly. What the fuck, he was thinking. How is it Mercedes is opening Blaine's front door at 8am in the morning, wearing an oversized Dalton sweatshirt. Damn Blaine and his drinking. Well, at least he's hanging out with the one female member of glee club that can be trusted to keep her lips to herself.

"Shhhh!" she said letting him in. "They're still sleeping." She led him through a tangle of bodies on the living room floor. Tina, Santana and Brittney were a mass of arms and legs in one heap. Artie, Blaine and Puck were on the other side of the room, an arm's length apart. Puck? He invited Puck? "I'm glad you're here." she said when they'd made it to the other side. "Blaine has one of those crazy-ass coffee machines. Do you know how to work it? And without being rude, what's in the bag?"

"Bagels. I got bagels for Blaine because I thought he might be lonely with his family out of town." Kurt said. "Looks like I thought wrong."

"We all had dinner, I asked you to come, remember? That's where we ran into Puck. Then Rory and Sugar went to a movie."

"And you guys came back here and got drunk." He'd be blind not to have noticed the beer cans.

"Busted! But at least we didn't drive. And Blaine offered, he said he had the house to himself. So...how do you work this?"

Kurt put the coffee container in and pushed a button. "Coffee, hot chocolate, tea, whatever you want." He spun the small carousel of containers.

"Cool. I bet making coffee this way costs an arm and a leg. All those little packets? Bad for the earth, you know? I guess they don't care what it costs. This is some kitchen, huh?"

"Yes, it's very nice." he said softly.

"You mad about something?" before he could answer she added "Okay. I'm sorry about leaving so abruptly the other day. I was upset and then Rory and Artie showed up. Was there more you wanted to say?"

"Actually, yes. Can we pretend it's 5th grade and we're on the school bus? Can we just start over? Will you be my friend?" he said with puppy-dog eyes.

"Sure" she said smiling. "We can be friends again. I'd like that. A lot."

He walked around the counter and hugged her tightly. "You are the world's best hugger. I really missed that."

"Aww, thanks. As friends, can I ask you something? The song you guys did for the mashup, why'd you do it that way?"

"Finn's idea."

"He's just one bad idea after another, isn't he? I found it.." she hesitated. "disrespectful. Like you thought didn't even have try in order to beat us. You didn't see Candyman but..."

"Finn and Schuester saw it."

"They did? And yet they slapped that hot mess of a mashup on the stage? You're heard Santana and me together, we're awesome."

"Fucking awesome!" Santana said entering the room. "What's in the bag?"

"Bagels, but we can't eat until Blaine wakes up." Mercedes answered.

"On behalf of my brother." Kurt started. "I'd like to apologize for what he did."

"What's the matter, he lost the capacity for speech?" Mercedes frowned at her. "Thank you. At least it's resulted in an improvement in my living conditions."

"How do you like having a new sister?" Kurt asked Mercedes.

"Hope she works out better than the last one. She's having trouble controlling her smart mouth, kinda how the whole mess started."

"Evidently at the Jones Home for Homeless Girls they don't appreciate my wit. I can control it. Don't worry, I'm the good twin."

"Good twin? I'd hate to get in a fight with the bad one." Tina walked in with Artie. "What's in the bag?"

"Blaine's breakfast." Santana said. "So who's guarding Britt from Mr. Smoochy?"

"Which one?" Artie asked.

"Who's Mr. Smoochy?" from Kurt.

"Nobody, never heard of him." Mercedes and Tina said together. "What are you talking about, Santana?"

"Hey, big mama!" Puck walked in and leaned over to plant a kiss on Mercedes. She dodged.

"Big mama?" Kurt asked. Sounds like some party.

"You should have seen her last night." Puck stated singing "Let's all pull together, like the Princeton crew, when you're stroking mama."

"Mama's stroking you!" the group continued. With the noticeable exception of Mercedes.

"It's from Chicago, the drunken version." Mercedes said blushing. "The never to be seen again version."

"What's in the bag?" Britt asked, yawning as she walked in.

"Blaine's breakfast." They all answered.

"Tell you what," Puck said grabbing the bag. "How about we take these and clear out of here? Kurt can be Blaine's breakfast."

* * *

><p>Britt's song - Better – Regina Spektor<p>

Puck's son - When You're Good to Mama – Queen Latifah (Chicago Soundtrack)


	9. SIsters of Mercy

Kurt was surprised to hear laughter, not singing, coming from the auditorium. He expected to hear Blaine and Mercedes working on a piece they were doing together, something to bridge the gap between the the two teams that still hadn't quite meshed. Something on the theme of friendship – That's What Friends are For, You've Got a Friend, With A Little Help From My Friends – something like that. But he and Rachel walked in to Blaine, Mercedes and Sugar sitting on the edge of the stage, talking and laughing.

"Hey, baby!" Blaine jumped off the stage and ran up to Kurt. "Hey, Rach!" he said after kissing Kurt.

"You guys finished already?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah, Blaine's a quick study." Mercedes said hugging Kurt. "Sugar thought we should throw in a little dancing so actually we just finished." Hugging is their new thing. It was a little awkward at first but Mercedes and Kurt are getting used to it again.

"You guys are going to be fantastic!" Sugar said. "So that ride home you promised me, Mercedes?"

"See you at the meeting tomorrow!" Mercedes said as the two girls left the room.

"So, Blaine, how is it spending so much time with the Trouble Tones?" Rachel asked.

"They're not the Trouble Tones anymore. They're New Directions again. They're trying to make it work. We won, they lost. We should just let that rest."

"I think this can work." Kurt said. "But we all have to work at it. Mercedes and Santana had their reasons for feeling the way they did. Maybe Schuester will take that to heart." Rachel looked at him as if he was crazy. What part of 'lost' doesn't he understand?

"And that's why I love you." Blaine said, kissing Kurt again.

**At the next practice**

"Mr. Schuester, Mercedes and I have something we hope will help mend the rift between the two clubs."

"Okay, Blaine, go ahead."

Mercedes and Blaine bounced to the front of the room and waited for the music to start. Sam couldn't believe it, she's standing there performing their song with Blaine. Okay, it wasn't exactly their song, it was Stevie and Stacey's song but how dare she! Slower and sexier than the Disney version too! How dare she dance with Blaine to their song?

_(Aladdin:) I can show you the world_  
><em>Shining, shimmering, splendid<em>  
><em>Tell me, princess, now when did<em>  
><em>You last let your heart decide<em>

_(Jasmine:)I can open your eyes_  
><em>Take you wonder by wonder<em>  
><em>Over, sideways, and under<em>  
><em>On a magic carpet ride<em>

_(Aladdin:)A whole new world_  
><em>A new fantastic point of view<em>  
><em>No one to tell us no or where to go<em>  
><em>Or say we're only dreaming<em>

_(Jasmine:)A whole new world_  
><em>A dazzling place I never knew<em>  
><em>But when I'm way up here, it's crystal clear<em>  
><em>That now I'm in a whole new world with you<em>

_(Jasmine:)Unbelievable sights_  
><em>Indescribable feeling<em>  
><em>Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling<em>  
><em>Through an endless diamond sky<em>

_(Jasmine:) A whole new world_  
><em>(Aladdin:) Don't you dare close your eyes<em>  
><em>(Jasmine:) A hundred thousand things to see<em>  
><em>(Aladdin:) Hold your breath - it gets better<em>  
><em>(Jasmine:)I'm like a shooting star, I've come so far<em>  
><em>I can't go back to where I used to be<em>

_(Aladdin:) A whole new world_  
><em>(Jasmine:) Every turn a surprise<em>  
><em>(Aladdin:) With new horizons to pursue<em>  
><em>(Jasmine:) Every moment red-letter<em>  
><em>(Both:) I'll chase them anywhere, there's time to spare,<em>  
><em>Let me share this whole new world with you<em>

_(Aladdin:) A whole new world_  
><em>(Jasmine:) A whole new world<em>  
><em>(Aladdin:) That's where we'll be<em>  
><em>(Jasmine:) That's where we will be<em>  
><em>(Aladdin:) A thrilling chase<em>  
><em>(Jasmine:) A wondrous place<em>  
><em>(Both:) For you and me<em>

**Rachel's reaction**

"Kurt, what the hell is that? They're practically grinding up there! Did you know they were going to do that?"

"Yes, Rachel" he sighed. "They showed it to me. Asked me if I was okay with it, with the way it comes across."

"And you allowed that?"

"They don't need my permission."

"We can't take that into a competition!" she whined.

"Why not? I mean, could we take it into a competition if you or Santana was singing lead instead of Mercedes?"

"What's wrong Kurt?" Rachel asked with concern in her voice. "You've been acting odd for the last few days. Are you mad at me?"

"No, I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad at anybody. It's not you, it's everybody. Everybody has a list of who can and who can't do things. Maybe we could let people try something new. It's high school, it's our last chance to be kids."

"Kurt!" Mr. Schuester barked.

"Sorry!" he mumbled.

**Puck's reaction**

Puck zoned out during Rory's heartfelt rendition of "My Sharona", dedicated to Sharon Motta, aka Sugar. After a few seconds he focused his thoughts, reached forward and slapped Sam in the back of the head. "I can't believe you let big mama get away. You really are as dumb as you look."

"That's my woman you're talking about!" Artie said.

"Dream on!" Puck said. "Maybe you've got a shot with little mama. There might be a few sparks left from that fire."

"You guys ain't stroking either mama!" Tina whispered.

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked in what he hoped was an innocent tone.

"Janitor's closet." Puck hissed. "Amateur!"

"Go to hell, Puck."

"Besides which" Puck continued, ignoring Sam's comment. "we had a little sleep-over and a nice long chat on the subject of secret girlfriends."

"Sleepover? You had a sleepover?"

"There were five sets of eyes on you two the whole time." Artie said. "And watch how you talk about my woman! Last warning!"

"Oh, I'm so afraid!"

"Maybe not of me, but I saw her almost break your arm when it 'slipped' one time too many."

"Joking, can't you tell when my woman is joking?"

"Gentlemen!" Mr. Schuester yelled.

"What?" they all asked in unison.

"Do you have something you want to share?"

"No, sir." Sam said.

"Okay then. Puck, you're up!"

Puck bounded to the front of the room. "I want to dedicate this song to 5 of the loveliest ladies I know, and I know a thing or two about lovely ladies. But with so much loveliness, I need help. Artie? Rory?"

The two boys joined him. "This is for Mercedes, Santana, Britt, Sugar, and our extra special Tina!" The boys started singing.

_Oh the sisters of mercy, they are not departed or gone._  
><em>They were waiting for me when I thought that I just can't go on.<em>  
><em>And they brought me their comfort and later they brought me their song.<em>  
><em>Oh I hope you run into them, you who've been travelling so long.<em>

_Yes you who must leave everything that you cannot control._  
><em>It begins with your family, but soon it comes around to your soul.<em>  
><em>Well I've been where you're hanging, I think I can see how you're pinned<em>  
><em>When you're not feeling holy, your loneliness says that you've sinned.<em>

_They lay down beside me, I made my confession to them._  
><em>They touched both my eyes and I touched the dew on their hem.<em>  
><em>If your life is a leaf that the seasons tear off and condemn<em>  
><em>they will bind you with love that is graceful and green as a stem.<em>

_When I left they were sleeping, I hope you run into them soon._  
><em>Don't turn on the lights, you can read their address by the moon.<em>  
><em>And you won't make me jealous if I hear that they sweetened your night:<em>  
><em>We weren't lovers like that and besides it would still be all right,<em>  
><em>We weren't lovers like that and besides it would still be all right.<em>

**Sam's reaction**

While Puck sang Sam wondered about "Big Mama", as Puck has been calling her. At first Sam thought it was an insult but she didn't take it like an insult. She got all giggly and flustered. Sam didn't like that at all. Mercedes 2.0 was totally different than last year's model. Most of the club chalked it up to Shane's bad influence but Shane seemed to be a nice enough guy. He'd been civil to Sam, not best buds but not enemies either. Finn was more of a douche to tell the truth.

Shane, and Sam, had seen Mercedes differently than everybody else, but now it seemed other people were looking at her with new eyes. Nobody thought of her before as one of the sexy girls but even Blaine must be seeing that, the way they had danced. Sam wondered how that gay thing worked, if Blaine is totally gay because he sure didn't act it. Now Kurt, there was a gay guy you could trust around your woman. Sam thought about Mercedes. She had seemed happy, really happy, but not aroused. He knew what that looked like and Blaine's wasn't getting that reaction.

He looked at her outfit and wondered what she looked like naked. They'd had sex, twice, and made out a few time but he'd never seen her totally naked. The first time they had sex on that rooftop it was cold and they were under blankets. The second and last time was right before he left, the day he meant to tell her he was leaving but never found the right time to say it. That time they were alone in the motel and she jumped under the sheets so quickly he didn't get a good look. She insisted on having the lights off so Sam had a better idea of how she felt than how she looked. The few make-out sessions had been fast and cramped, again it wasmostly by touch. During their last conversation she'd made it clear there would be no more touching. He knows she doesn't like her body so he's wondering why she choose this outfit that makes her look so damned sexy.

Sam looks over at Kurt and wished he knew what his expression meant.

**Kurt's reaction**

Actually, Kurt had been giving Mercedes the same appraisal Sam was. When Mercedes opened Blaine's front door Sunday morning he was too shocked to take in anything other than the Dalton sweatshirt. Then he noticed her hair, she hadn't worn it short like that in years, so long ago that he'd forgotten what it looked like without a weave. It was nice, her hair didn't distract from her face anymore. He'd mentioned that to her when she pulled out that "No Weave" t-shirt for an assignment, that her natural hair was so soft and pretty. She must be listening to her new consultants.

What he hadn't noticed until he thought about it later was the fact that she was wearing gym shorts when she answered the door. Kurt hadn't seen her legs since middle school. She'd gained a lot of weight the summer before high school, the summer her grandmother died, and spent a lot of effort trying to distract the eye. When they had been close friends, and he had a lot of input into her clothing choices, he liked the way she dressed, solids and brights. When they were less close her style changed, flashier, more over-sized, lots of jungle prints. Urban he guessed you'd call it. He didn't like it but wasn't in a position to say anything about it. Today, she's dressing sexy. She's wearing black leggings, boots and a long purple sweater that skims her hips. The whole thing is tied together with a belt that matches the boots. No sequins, no animal prints. Classy. He wondered who picked that outfit, maybe that's what you get when you combine Tina and Santana.

Also she's moving with more self-confidence, more ease. Had she learned that from Shelby? Considering the circumstances that brought her back you'd think she'd be unhappy but no, she seems happier than he's seen her in years.

**Finn's reaction**

"I knew they'd come crawling back." he thought to himself. He smiled over at Rachel and noticed Blaine sitting behind her, holding hands and whispering with Kurt. "And now for the next name on my list. Or should I work on Mr. Wannabe Quarterback? He's done what I brought him here for and he's starting to get ahead of himself. Decisions, decision!"

* * *

><p>A Whole New World - Peabo Bryson and Regina Belle<p>

Sisters of Mercy – Leonard Cohen


	10. LoveSong

"Okay, Puck, let's hear the sleepover story." Sam sat down on the locker room bench next to Puck who was casually tying his shoes.

"What about it?" he said smiling back. "Just me and four beautiful women, whiling the night away. Just a typical night in the life."

"Jesus! Just tell me what happened. I can always go ask Artie."

"Artie can't tell you the part you're interested in. He was asleep by then. It was just me and big mama having a little heart to heart."

"Okay, start there. Why are you calling her big mama?"

"Ever see _Chicago_? It's a musical with Catherine Zeta-Jones? God, there's a woman! Renee what's her name wasn't bad but Ms. Zeta-Jones? God! That movie was full of half-naked babes in jail." he drifted off thinking about Catherine Zeta-Jones.

"Damn it, Puck, get to the point!"

"Right. We're at Blaine's house, boozing it up. Good shit at Blaine's if you ever get invited over. So the girls wanted to watch _Chicago_. And they're drunk enough to act it out. There's this one song "He had it coming", where these girls sing about how and why they killed their husbands. Creepy really but the girls loved it. They all started doing their stripper dances."

"Mercedes has a stripper dance?"

"Yeah, and it's not half bad. In any other company it'd be damn good but Britt and Santana set the bar pretty high. Oh, you should see Britt's." He drifted off again.

"Puck!"

"Yeah. So Queen Latifah, you know her? Big girl sexy! So she's singing "When You're Good to Mama" and Mercedes and Tina jump up on the sofa and start singing along. And the best part of the song "When you're stroking Mama, mama's stroking you!" And they're acting it out, Oh My God, it was magnificent! And me with no camera! So we started calling them big and little mama." Puck put his uniform in his locker. "Perfectly innocent."

"And that's it?" Sam closed his locker and followed Puck out of the locker room. "I thought you said you talked about secret girlfriends."

"Oh, that!" he said breezily. Puck intended to make Sam suffer now. Mercedes' resolve wasn't nearly as strong as Sam seemed to think it was but he seemed totally unaware of how much he'd hurt her.

**_Flashback to Blaine's_**

_It was late, 3 in the morning, when Puck got up to go to the bathroom. He walked right past her, sitting on the steps, and wouldn't have noticed her on the way back if she hadn't called his name._

_"Puck!"_

_"Jesus! I didn't see you there. This place is creepy enough as it is, no wonder Blaine didn't want to be here alone."_

_"Sit down for a minute. I want to talk to you."_

_"Sure" he slid next to her._

_"Hey Puck, have you ever...Have you ever had a secret girlfriend?"_

_"Sure, lots of times."_

_"Why, why were they secret?"_

_"Usually because they were somebody else's girlfriend. Somebody respectable. I was just for sex."_

_"And the girl, why did she?"_

_"Sex. Plain and simple."_

_"Suppose she wasn't somebody else's girlfriend, did that ever happen?"_

_"Yes." He said softly. This was something he was ashamed of, and he wasn't ashamed of much._

_"Where you just using each other for sex?"_

_"Yes."_

_"And what if the girl, or maybe you, changed her mind, if she wanted more than just sex?"_

_"That's a problem. Maybe you don't really like her, as in hanging around talking to her, that much. Maybe sex was the only thing you liked about her."_

_"Or maybe she's too unattractive to be seen with?"_

_"No, it's never that. Take Lauren for example. She's not everybody's idea of a sexy woman but I loved to go places with her. She was mine and I was proud of it. I'd take you anywhere. Some guys are just asses. Trust me, I know. I used to be the king of the assholes." He put his arm around her. "Maybe this guy you're talking about, maybe you two got into a bad pattern. Try to start over and find out if he really liked you for you or if he was just in it for the sex. If it's just sex cut him loose. You deserve the love part too." He kissed her softly on the lips. She surprised him by kissing back. "Or maybe" he said playfully "it's time for you to upgrade!"_

_He was starting to miss his King of the Assholes crown. The old Puck would have followed up on that kiss, found an unused bedroom upstairs. Mercedes was exactly where the old Puck liked his girls, buzzed enough to say yes, not so drunk they just lie there. This new Puck escorted Mercedes back to her sleeping bag.  
><em>

_**End flashback**  
><em>

Puck slipped into an empty classroom and sat on top of a desk. "So why the big secret? Why didn't you want to be seen with her?"

"It was her idea, originally. And I was broke, as you may recall. We couldn't afford to go anywhere anyway. So we just kept it to ourselves."

"And then?"

"Then I moved."

"Why didn't she come to your going away party?"

"I don't know!"

"You never asked her?"

"She stopped answering her phone."

"Hmmm."

"Who are you, Sigmund Freud?"

"I can shut up if you want."

"Just finish this story."

"You've been back for a couple of weeks and you still don't know why she skipped your going away party? Ask her!"

"She won't talk to me!"

"Maybe if you tried talking instead of pawing, just maybe you'd find out." Puck picked up his books and walked out.

He immediately bumped into Rory, Sugar and Mercedes. "We've been looking for you!" Sugar said in her voice that could etch glass. "Daddy and I had a great idea!"

Sam walked out out of the classroom and found himself face to face with Mercedes. They just stared at each other, they hadn't been this close in days. Puck observed them carefully. He had his eye on Shelby but if Sam and Mercedes didn't work out he didn't want her to have to look too far to find him. Sugar was focused on whatever she had to say so she quickly dismissed Sam.

"Do you mind? This is private!" and Mercedes allowed herself to be pulled away.

* * *

><p>Mercedes threw her backpack in the back seat of her car. Sugar could be irritating but she certainly was full of good ideas. Today's idea was a winner, sure to make up the full plate of ignoring she was getting from Mr. Schuester. She hummed to herself as she backed out of the parking space. In her rear view mirror she saw Sam, unlocking his bike from the bike rack. She noticed the cold drizzle that was falling. Should she offer him a ride? No, bad idea all around. He's young, he won't catch pneumonia. It would serve him right if he did, going around breaking young girl's hearts. Okay, Billy Jean was playing on the radio. Yet somehow her car was pulling up next to the bike rack.<p>

"You want a ride? It's raining and all." she called.

"Ummm." he seemed confused.

"Or not. That's not a trick question."

"Okay. Sure. Thanks." He locked his bike on the rack and put his backpack in the back seat. "Thank you."

"Sure. Where do you live, exactly?"

"With Kurt and Finn. H squared." he laughed nervously. "Thanks again."

"It's nothing." she concentrated on the road. The drive from school to Kurt's is less than 10 minutes so Sam was surprised when she parked in front of a strange house. Had she moved? Was he supposed to walk the rest of the way?

"Why..." he started. Then he looked over and saw her gripping the steering wheel, staring straight ahead, tears streaming down her cheeks. He reached over to touch her shoulder.

"Please don't. Please." she said from very far away.

_Whenever I'm alone with you_  
><em>You make me feel like I am home again<em>  
><em>Whenever I'm alone with you<em>  
><em>You make me feel like I am whole again<em>  
><em>Whenever I'm alone with you<em>  
><em>You make me feel like I am young again<em>  
><em>Whenever I'm alone with you<em>  
><em>You make me feel like I am fun again<em>

_However far away_  
><em>I will always love you<em>  
><em>However long I stay<em>  
><em>I will always love you<em>  
><em>Whatever words I say<em>  
><em>I will always love you<em>  
><em>I will always love you<em>

As the song playing on the radio faded away she started to relax. "Sorry." she said weakly. "That song always kills me. Adele. Almost every time she opens her mouth it kills me. Sorry." She wiped her eyes on her coat sleeve, took a deep breath and started the car again.

"Mercedes, I like you. I like you a lot."

"But?"

"But I don't..."

"You don't have to say it" she interrupted. "We both know you don't love me."

"I'm sorry."

"That last day, after we had sex and I said I love you, you didn't say anything. I thought you were just surprised, that you needed more time. I thought we had plenty of time. But that was all the time there was, wasn't it?"

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Sometime it can't be helped. If it were at all possible things would be different with you and me. But this is the only way it can be, isn't it? I guess this is how Shane felt."

"Shane?"

"You're why we broke up. Unfinished business he called it. Looks finished now." She pulled into Kurt's driveway. "We're here. I need to get home. Bye."

"I'm really sorry."

"Okay. I have to go. Bye"

He got out of the car and stood there in the pouring rain, watching her tail lights disappear around the corner.

* * *

><p>Finn Hudson looked at his dinner companions. Rachel and Blaine were trying to cheer Kurt up about that stupid college he's stressing over. Sam's hair was dripping wet and he was staring at his plate like his dog just died. Burt and Carol were out of town so Finn was thinking of sleeping arrangements, his main priority right now. Blaine was spending the night, and so was Rachel. Unfortunately Kurt's bedroom is right next to Finn's. All kinds of awkward. One of them would have to use the basement guest room, currently occupied by Sam. So where was Sam going to sleep and how much convincing would he need?<p>

"So Sam." Finn said. Sam looked up in a daze.

"You okay, Sam?" Rachel asked. "You really should dry off. You'll catch a cold."

"Yeah, I'll go do that." he said standing up. "I'll be back to help with the dishes." He went to his basement bedroom and changed his clothes. After doing the dishes he sat on the living room sofa to watch TV. When he woke up it was 11:30 and the house was dark. He tried to go down to his bedroom but there was a note on the basement door, "We didn't want to wake you. I'm using your room. Finn." Damn, talk about rude. He grabbed the blanket someone had so helpfully thrown over him and tried to go back to sleep.

Midnight and Sam found himself standing outside of Mercedes' house. Her bedroom light was on and she was sitting in the window seat, heading a book that was propped on her knees. She sat there reading for half an hour, then she turned off the light and went to bed. Sam stood looking at the darkened window for 10 minutes when his phone buzzed.

"Why are you staring at my house at 1am?"

"I thought you were asleep."

"Obs not."

"I went out for a walk and ended up here."

"You went for a walk in the middle of the night in the rain?"

"It stopped raining."

"So you intend to stand there all night?"

"Are you inviting me in?"

Silence for a half minute. "You ought to see a doctor about those delusions. There's a pill for that."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't joke like that."

"Damn right you shouldn't." but she didn't sound angry.

"So I was just thinking..."

"Sounds dangerous."

"I was thinking that this is all Santana's fault."

"Santana? What does she have to do with this?"

"Santana never cared how I felt about her, how I felt about anything to tell you the truth. She just told me what to do and how to do it. She had a one-track mind, like a boy really. She knew exactly what she wanted."

"And you thought I was like that?"

"Well, you're not like Quinn. She had so many rules and stuff. Yeah, I thought you were more like Santana."

"You thought I was so desperate I didn't care who I slept with?" Now she sounded angry.

"No, I'm not saying that!"

"Then what are you saying?"

"I don't know what I'm saying! It's all coming out wrong." He took a deep breath. "You're not Santana. You're not Quinn. I'd like to find out who Mercedes is."

His statement was met with silence. "Are you still there?"

"Yes." she said softly. "I just don't understand what you're saying."

"I want to ask you out on a date. A real date. I can't afford Breadsticks but I can afford a movie or dinner at the diner. I'd like to take you out somewhere and hold your hand and talk about stuff."

"Can we go to the Lima Bean?"

"I can afford more than that!"

"Can we go to the Lima Bean and be a couple who like being together and we don't care who knows it? And not act like it's a shameful secret?"

"If you're not ashamed to be seen with an idiot like me I'd be honored to escort you to the Lima Bean."

* * *

><p>LoveSong - Adele<p> 


	11. Back on the Chain Gang

**This chapter is a flashback that happened before Sam and Mercedes talked. Hope it's not too confusing, and I'll continue the story in the next chapter.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"Did I ever tell you how much it scared me when it looked like you weren't going to rejoin New Directions?" Kurt asked.<p>

* * *

><p>Start flashback<p>

Santana_  
>I found a picture of you, oh oh oh oh<em>  
><em>What hijacked my world that night?<em>  
><em>To a place in the past<em>  
><em>We've been cast out of, oh oh oh oh<em>  
><em>Now we're back in the fight<em>  
><em>We're back on the train, yeah<em>  
><em>Oh, back on the chain gang<em>

Britt  
><em>Circumstance beyond our control, oh oh oh oh<em>  
><em>The phone, the TV and the news of the world<em>  
><em>Got in the house<em>  
><em>Like a pigeon from hell, oh oh oh oh<em>  
><em>Threw sand in our eyes and descended like flies<em>  
><em>Put us back on the train, yeah<em>  
><em>Oh, back on the chain gang<em>

Mercedes  
><em>The powers that be<em>  
><em>That force us to live like we do<em>  
><em>Bring me to my knees<em>  
><em>When I see what they've done to you<em>  
><em>But I'll die as I stand here today<em>  
><em>Knowing that deep in my heart<em>  
><em>They'll fall to ruin one day<em>  
><em>For making us part<em>

All  
><em>I found a picture of you, oh oh oh oh<em>  
><em>Those were the happiest days of my life<em>  
><em>Like a break in the battle was your part, oh oh oh oh<em>  
><em>In the wretched life of a lonely heart<em>  
><em>Now we're back on the train<em>  
><em>Oh, back on the chain gang<em>

Rachel, Kurt and Blaine sat in the empty auditorium and watched the Trouble Tones disband. They sang and danced for each other, Shelby and Beth had already left town. The circumstance there were very mysterious but one thing was clear, it was all over now. Britt and Santana were going back to New Directions, most the dancers were joining dance club. Mercedes hadn't decided what to do so maybe she was saying goodbye to everybody, too.

They all hugged, and cried, and hugged some more. Mercedes handed each of the dancers a small box. They cried some more and then left. Just the singers were left and Santana and Britt were begging Mercedes. Mercedes just shook her head and paced the stage.

"I can't. I just can't go back. You weren't there, you didn't see that last day. I won't do it! It almost killed me the last time. If it hadn't been for Shelby..."

"Schuester said it's going to be different this time." Santana pleaded.

"Bullshit. He's so full of bullshit! He's never going to give me a lead and evidently the judges agree with him. I cost you Sectionals as sure and Rachel and Finn cost us Nationals. Now he's got proof that I'm where I belong. He wants you because you're pretty. You sing as well as I do and you're gorgeous. Thanks to Shelby Britt's a better singer than last year and she's hella sexy. The only reason he might possibly need me is to fill out his roster. That's all I mean to Schuester. That's one thing Shane was right about." She reaching into her backpack and pulled out two packages. "I got these for you. Thanks for the best three months of my life." she walked off-stage and the two girls followed her, still trying to change her mind.

"Talk about over-reacting." Rachel said.

"Damn it Rachel, don't you know pain when you see it?" Blaine said angrily.

"We beat them fair and square."

"Fine, we won. Do we have to be arrogant about it?" Kurt said. "The judges liked what we did better than what they did. They were still damned good, as good as we are. A different set of judges would have come to a different conclusion. Think how much stronger we'd be together!"

"Santana and Britt aren't going to stay long if we greet them with that attitude." Blaine observed. "Neither of them really needs New Directions. They have Cheerios and each other."

But what does Mercedes have? Kurt asked himself. He fired off a text.

* * *

><p>Kurt rolled over in his bed covered with Egyptian cotton sheets and reached for the phone. He'd always loved the feel of these sheets and now there was more, the faint scent of Blaine. Burt and Carol were spending so much time on the road and Finn's so tied up with Rachel that's there's plenty of time after school when the house is empty. Maybe they were getting reckless but Blaine's worth whatever price he'll have to pay eventually. Whenever Blaine touches him, even in a completely non-sexual situation, Kurt can feel the tension drain from his body. He'd never noticed how tense he was, almost all the time, until he met Blaine. He smiled thinking maybe this was Blaine now, wanting a little phone sex late at night.<p>

"Hey!" he said sleepily.

"Hey! I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"Mercedes? No, I wasn't asleep." he lied.

"Okay. You asked me to call you, remember? You said don't worry if it's late. It's not too late, is it?"

Kurt looked at the clock, 11:30.

"No, it's fine. I really want to talk to you."

"I'm, not going back, you know. There's nothing you can say to convince me." She figured that would be what he wanted to talk about.

"Then don't come back." he said simply.

"Well, that's not what I expected you to say."

"Remember, you're talking to the guy who left McKinley to go to Dalton and then came back. Your mental health is more important than show choir. You should do what makes you happiest."

"Thanks for saying that."

"It's true. I'm worried about you, not New Directions. So what are you going to do instead? You should still find a way to sing."

"I really don't know. Nothing maybe."

"Well, while you're figuring that out can you do me a favor? Will you sing with me?"

"Sing with you? I just said I'm not going back."

"Not sing with me for New Directions. Sing with me, for Blaine."

"For Blaine? Is it his birthday or something?"

"No." he laughed. "He's never heard us sing together, he mentioned that again today. We saw "_Chain Gang_" and he wondered what we sound like because he knows we used to sing together all the time. So it would be a private performance for Blaine at my house. Remember "_My Own Best Friend"_ from Chicago? I know it's a girl song, banned from my repertoire per Mr. St. James, but I love that song."

"And I'm nobody's idea of Velma or Roxy." she said laughing. "So this will be the only chance I'll get to sing it. I'm in."

* * *

><p>"Okay, Blaine! Here it is." he backed up from where Blaine was sitting on the sofa.<p>

"There's only one person who can help you now Kurt!" he winked at Mercedes.

"There's only one person you can count on now Mercedes!" she winked back.

Blaine watched the two old friends tear through their duet. Sure, neither of them would ever get cast in those parts but listening, Blaine realized it was the world that would lose. Damn, they were impressive together. Better than Rachel and Kurt together because Mercedes' voice is deeper. Blaine jumped up applauding when they finished.

"You guys are so good! Thank you, thank you, thank you." He hugged Mercedes and kissed Kurt.

"But wait, there's more!" Kurt said pushing Blaine back onto the sofa. "This is also from Chicago."

_(Mercedes) Whatever happened to fair dealing  
>And pure ethics<br>And nice manners?  
>Why is it everyone now is a pain in the Ass?<br>Whatever happened to class?_

_(Kurt) Class.  
>Whatever happened to Please may I<br>And Yes thank you  
>And How charming?<br>Now every son of a bitch Is a snake in the grass  
>Whatever happened to class?<em>

_(Mercedes) Class._

_(Both) Oh, there ain't no gentlemen to open up the doors,  
>There ain't no ladies now there's only pigs and whores<br>And even kids'll knock you down so's they can pass  
>Nobody's got no class!<em>

Kurt picked this song because Blaine loves it when he talks dirty, and Blaine's liking this song. He almost lost his place, wondering how quickly he could get rid of Mercedes and they could get up to his bedroom.

_(Both) Whatever happened to class? __Class._  
><em>Oh, There ain't no gentlemen that's fit for any use,<em>  
><em>And any girl will touch your privates for a deuce<em>  
><em>And even kids'll kick your shins and give ya sass<em>  
><em>Nobody's got no class!<em>

_(Mercedes) All you read about today is rape and theft_

_(Kurt) Jesus Christ, ain't there no decency left?_

_(Both) Nobody's got no class!_

_(Kurt) Every guy is a snot_

_(Mercedes) Every girl is a twat_

_(Kurt) Holy shit_

_(Mercedes) Holy shit_

_(Kurt) What a shame_

_(Mercedes) What a shame_

_(Both) What became of class?_

They were standing, their arms around each other's waists, singing about sons of bitches, whores and pain in the asses – all in perfect harmony. Blaine was loving it. So was Sam who had just walked in with Finn and Rachel. Finn was dismissing the whole thing, even Schuester's not incompetent enough to take that to a competition. Plus Mercedes is out and he makes a point to remind people of the ever expanding details of her last day when their memories start fading.

Rachel is having conflicting thoughts, which happens a lot when she thinks about Kurt lately. He seems happy and that's good. And bad. Is she losing him to Mercedes? That's crazy, they have so much in common. They're going to NYADA, that's the plan. He wants to go to NYADA with her, that's a fact. She needs to work on something for his application but he's definitely going to NYADA with her. Kurt and Mercedes go back, way back, and he was as worried about leaving home and going off to college as Rachel was. This is nothing to worry about, if he wants to strengthen some old ties before he leaves.

But Blaine, what about Blaine? That's a real problem. Blaine left Dalton for Kurt, Kurt can't leave him behind, can he? Can he transfer to a school in NY, there must be private schools there. If Kurt had to choose between NYADA and Blaine what would he do? Blaine pretty much does whatever he wants to do, he could come to NY if he wanted to. Probably.

"That was awesome! Vulgar but awesome." Sam said from behind then.

"I didn't know you were there!" Mercedes and Kurt said, turning at the same time. They both blushed but it was much more obvious on Kurt's face.

"It's late. I've got to get home!" Mercedes said quickly.

"I didn't see your car outside."

"I walked. It's only a couple of blocks."

"Do you want me to walk you back, protect you from muggers or something?" Sam asked smiling.

"No, I've got it under control." she said, avoiding looking into those dangerous green eyes and almost running from the room.

* * *

><p>Mercedes sat in Emma Pillsbury's office and wondered why she had been called there. She avoided trouble, which translated into avoiding Mr. Schuester. No glee club and she'd dropped his Spanish class. She occasionally saw him in the hallway and answered his questions with vague excuses. She was getting regular reports about meetings from Kurt and a couple of kids she knew in band but she hadn't been to a meeting in weeks. It didn't sound like she was missing much, but glee club meetings had always been heavy on drama and light on learning. She was sitting there thinking when Mr. Schuester walked in and shut the door behind him.<p>

"Hello, Mercedes." she felt her stomach start to tighten and took a deep breath. Relax. He has no power over you. Relax. She exhaled slowly.

"Hello, Mr Schuester." She even managed a smile. "How are you?"

"I'm good. How are you doing?"

"I'm good." She smiled again. "I'm singing in a competition with the Jazz Band." He looked confused. "The band that plays for glee club practice? You must have noticed that their drum set is marked McKinley Jazz Ensemble? No? Well, anyway they're a Jazz Ensemble and when Brad, their director, noticed I wasn't in glee club anymore, which he noticed right away," Yeah, somebody missed me, asshole. "He asked me to sing with them. They don't have a vocalist so they never competed in that category but there's this one guitarist, Tim, and he's a decent singer. I've been coaching him, techniques I learned from Shelby," a competent coach but I won't say that out load "and we submitted something for a competition in New York. It's a blind competition so it doesn't matter what we look like, it's strictly based on how we sound." See, I'm doing fine without you, jerk.

"Is that why you won't come back to New Directions?" he asked casually.

"Are you asking me to come back?" she answered just as casually.

Schuester sat back and stared at his hands. Mercedes tried not to gloat as she waited for him to say something. "Yes, I'm asking you to come back."

"Why?"

"Because we need your voice."

"You never use my voice for more than two notes." She leaned forward, feeling brazen. Free. Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose - the lyrics to _Me and Bobby McGee_ ran through her mind. She took the plunge. "Maybe you're worried about using random band kids to fill out your roster and you'd like actual singers when you go to Regionals." Yeah, she thought, I know about that. "Maybe I need an apology for 'booty camp'. I felt like you were implying my dancing skills cost us Nationals, and not that on-stage make-out session. Maybe I got used to being treated with respect from Shelby and I can't go back to being ignored."

She sat back in her chair and waited for his reply. When none came she continued. "Did you ask Santana and Britt to come back?" Yeah, I know they got pissed off and walked out again she thought to herself.

"Yes, I did." he admitted. "They won't come back without you."

She didn't know that, and hearing it made her feel like one of the three Musketeers. Her girls had her back. She needed to talk to them, it's all for one and one for all. She stood up. "Well, you know my conditions for coming back. Goodbye, Mr. Schuester."

**Which is why a week later Mercedes, Santana and Britt are standing in the choir room holding hands and singing before New Directions.**

_Oh, why you look so sad?_  
><em> Tears are in your eyes<em>  
><em> Come on and come to me now<em>  
><em> Don't be ashamed to cry<em>  
><em> Let me see you through<em>  
><em> 'cause I've seen the dark side too<em>  
><em> When the night falls on you<em>  
><em> You don't know what to do<em>  
><em> Nothing you confess<em>  
><em> Could make me love you less<em>

_ I'll stand by you_  
><em> I'll stand by you<em>  
><em> Won't let nobody hurt you<em>  
><em> I'll stand by you<em>

_ So if you're mad, get mad_  
><em> Don't hold it all inside<em>  
><em> Come on and talk to me now<em>  
><em> Hey, what you got to hide?<em>  
><em> I get angry too<em>  
><em> Well I'm a lot like you<em>  
><em> When you're standing at the crossroads<em>  
><em> And don't know which path to choose<em>  
><em> Let me come along<em>  
><em> 'cause even if you're wrong<em>

_ I'll stand by you_  
><em> I'll stand by you<em>  
><em> Won't let nobody hurt you<em>  
><em> I'll stand by you<em>  
><em> Take me in, into your darkest hour<em>  
><em> And I'll never desert you<em>  
><em> I'll stand by you<em>

_ And when..._  
><em> When the night falls on you, baby<em>  
><em> You're feeling all alone<em>  
><em> You won't be on your own<em>

_ I'll stand by you_  
><em> I'll stand by you<em>  
><em> Won't let nobody hurt you<em>  
><em>I'll stand by you<em>  
><em><br>_

* * *

><p>Back on the Chain Gang – Pretenders<p>

My Own Best Friend, Class – Chicago Soundtrack

I'll Stand By You - Pretenders


	12. If You Only Knew

**Okay, back to our story, which picks up the next day after Sam was lurking under Mercedes' window.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>You go south to get from Kurt's house to school. This morning Blaine, who was driving, turned north.<p>

"Aren't we going to school?" Sam asked from the back seat.

"Yes, but we have to pick up Mercedes first." Kurt said from the front passenger seat. "She asked for a ride today."

"Oh." Sam wasn't sure if he was looking forward to seeing her again or not, maybe she was half asleep when she agreed to go out with him last night. Maybe she had changed her mind.

She was waiting on her front porch when they pulled up. She pulled open the back door and hesitated a second when she saw Sam. Maybe he had changed his mind. "Oh. Hi Sam. Do you mind switching seats with Kurt? I need to talk to him before we get to school."

"Sure." Kurt and Sam switched seats.

"So Kurt, you remember Sugar Motta?" she started.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "_Big Spender_ is burned into my memory. I wish I could erase it. You didn't see that Sam, it was horrific."

"Agreed, it was awful. But! Sugar's full of ideas, almost all of them better than that one. Yesterday we were hanging out at the Lima Bean, and Artie's talking about non-traditional casting again." This time Mercedes rolled her eyes. "I'm so over Maria, but anyway Sugar starts talking about Chicago, a weak spot of mine, as you know. Well, Sugar said she could dance Roxy but never sing her."

"True." Blaine said from the front seat.

"Right!" She continued. "And Artie could sing Billy Flynn but for obvious reasons he can't dance him. Well, Sugar said "Isn't Billy sitting down during most of _We Both Reached for the Gun_ and Roxy only has one spoken line during that. I can talk, you know." Damn, we know she can talk, she never stops. But Artie looks at her as says "That's freaking brilliant!"" She sat back triumphantly. "So Sugar's daddy, hah! I love saying that, arranged for us to put on a cabaret style version of Chicago down at Breadsticks and we need another Billy Flynn. See where I'm headed with this?" She beamed at Kurt.

"Why me? Billy's not gay." Kurt was afraid to believe what she was offering him.

"He's not in a wheelchair either, is he? He's gay if you say he is. Besides which, I buy you as straight, other people could too. Anyway Blaine can help you with the dancing, you can scale it up or down, however you want. That's the beauty of the idea. Britt can carry Sugar through _Nowadays_ and the two of them can dance the hell out of _Hot Honey Rag_. Santana and I can do _My Own Best Friend_ whereas Britt couldn't. Santana can more than handle_ All That Jazz_, the singing and the dancing. Now that's something to see, it makes me wonder how that whole bi-sexual thing works." Sam glanced back at her. "Oh, Sam! You went out with her. When she turns on the heat, watch out! Anybody with a pulse can feel it. Anyway." she turned back to Kurt, "Tina does a hell of a _When You're Good to Mama_. A_ll I Care About is Love_ and _Razzle Dazzle_ are where we want you. Artie's doing _Mr. Cellophane_ and you can switch off on _All I Care About_. We're doing three shows so we're all switching around. So, you in?"

"What about Rory?"

"Well, the only weekend we could get, two weeks from now, Rory's at something related to his exchange program, some Irish bonding thing. And before you ask Puck's not interested. Besides, this is better for you anyway."

Kurt hesitated. "Kurt," Blaine said from the front seat, "Why do you even have to think about it! This is great for you. And NYADA, it'll help with that."

"Yes, I'll do it!"

* * *

><p>The minute Blaine parked Sam hoped out of the car and raced around to Mercedes door. "I get to carry your books now, now that we're dating."<p>

"We're dating?" she laughed.

"It was only last night." he reached for her books. "I asked you, you said yes. That makes it official."

"Don't we have to go on the actual date to make it official?" she pretended to hold the books back.

"Nope. I can show you in the rulebook after school at the Lima Bean."

"Well I'm sure you wouldn't make up a thing like that." she smiled and handed him her books.

* * *

><p><strong>two weeks later<strong>

"So, Kurt." Rachel started, suddenly appearing at his locker. "Santana is your new best friend?"

"Not in a million years." He closed his locker. "Why do you ask?"

"You've been spending a lot of time together. Some kind of gay support group?"

"That's a good idea but no, she's helping me with a project. You can see the end results, we're playing Breadsticks this weekend."

"We?"

"Santana, Britt, Sugar, Tina, Mercedes, Artie. And Me. We're doing Chicago, cabaret style."

"And you didn't invite me to be in it?" she sounded hurt.

"I love singing with you, you know that Rachel. But this wasn't my project, it was Sugar's idea and Artie's directing. I should have said I'm helping her instead of the other way around." He looked at Rachel tenderly. "And I really need this for NYADA. You have West Side Story. I still don't have anything. Happy for me?" he flashed that smile that melts her every time.

"Sometimes I don't know how I'm lucky enough to have you for a best friend." She hugged him. "I think that's why I get so scared. Who could ever replace you?"

* * *

><p><strong>Next Monday<br>**

"You were great at Breadsticks the other night." Rachel said sliding into a seat next to Mercedes. Mercedes had asked her to meet before practice, the first time that's happened in a year.

"Thank you. I never told you this, but your Maria was fantastic. I don't know if I could have done as good a job with the acting part. And you sang the hell out of that role. NYADA will be lucky to have you."

"Thank you, Mercedes. I'm sorry we fought about something so temporary."

"It's okay." she paused. "And now that we've agreed on the general awesomeness of singing ability at this table, can I ask you for a favor?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Cole Porter, every hear of him?" she grinned.

"Never. Cole who?" she joked back.

"Well take a couple of minutes to look him up. We're doing another show next month and I can't make it that weekend. You're the only person I know with the pipes and the spine to stand up to Santana."

"Must be important, if you're missing something like that." She smiled broadly. "Remember, I already said yes!"

"It is important. Remember that Jazz Band thing I did before? I mean that's what I did after the Troubletones and before I came back to New Directions. Well, we submitted something to a contest, and we made the first cut! We're going to New York that weekend for the final competition. I don't expect to win, just getting invited is a big honor."

"Congratulations! You deserve it. What are you singing?"

"We have to do Duke Ellington, that's the theme. Mostly he's instrumental but I'm singing on a piece called _Kissin' My Baby Goodnight._ Then we may do_ It Don't Mean a Thing._ Then a piece called _Mood Indigo_. All three pieces you can do with our without vocals. Most groups don't use a vocalist at all so we don't know if I'm a good thing or a bad thing. I have to practice scat singing, it's harder than I thought."

"I'll be terribly disappointed if you don't come back with a trophy." she said hugging her former and maybe one day again, best friend "If anybody can it's you."

**Later that day**

"Yes, Sam." Mr. Schuester called on the blond jumping up and down in the first row.

"I have an announcement to make."

"Go ahead."

"Well," he said bounding to the front of the room. "First, I want to congratulate all of the band kids on getting invited to play at Lincoln Center with Wynton Marsalis at their competition." He clapped for the band, who waved their instruments in the air, and the rest of New Directions joined in. The band kids are playing at the Lincoln Center? "And I want to sing a song for Mercedes. One's because she's going with them as a vocalist, and the other reason she already knows about but I wanted to make it official." He nodded to the band kids.

_If you only knew how much I love you_  
><em>I believe that you would love me too<em>  
><em>Everybody knows how the story goes<em>  
><em>I have nothing to conceal<em>

_Everyone but you knows I love you too_  
><em>I think you feel the same way I feel<em>

_If you only knew how much I need you_  
><em>I believe that you would understand<em>  
><em>I'm at your command<em>

_If my heart could talk to you_  
><em>I know that it would say that you love me too<em>  
><em>If you only knew<em>

"Mr. Schuester?" Mercedes raised her hand. "Can I respond to that? Country style."_  
><em>

_Baby, don't turn out the light_  
><em>I wanna see you look at me<em>  
><em>Whisper only truth tonight<em>  
><em>Not just promises and empty fantasies<em>

_I don't need a bed of roses_  
><em>'Cause roses wither away<em>  
><em>All I really need is honesty<em>  
><em>From someone with a strong heart<em>  
><em>A gentle hand<em>  
><em>Who'll take me as I am<em>

_Baby, I need for you to know_  
><em>Just exactly how I feel<em>  
><em>Fiery passions come and go<em>  
><em>I'd trade a million pretty words<em>  
><em>For one touch that is real<em>

_I don't need a bed of roses_  
><em>'Cause roses wither away<em>  
><em>All I really need is honesty<em>  
><em>From someone with a strong heart<em>  
><em>A gentle hand<em>  
><em>Who'll take me as I am<em>

_From someone with a strong heart_  
><em>A gentle hand<em>  
><em>Who'll take me as I am<em>

She guessed Sam would be impressed with her twang. She guessed wrong. He looked slightly upset. The smile he gave her was strained, remote. She smiled at him and sat down, trying to figure out what she had done wrong.

His song included the words "I love you" and her's didn't. Was that it? Hadn't they gone over this last night? He said he loves her, she thought she loved him back in June. Then she though she loved Shane. Not with the intensity she felt towards Sam but still she thought she loved him. Now she doesn't know if she loves anybody. He said he understood, he'd give her time. Now he's acting like he's pissed off.

She focused on Rachel singing _You'd Be So Nice To Come Home To_. Well at least Cole Porter is taken care of. She wondered if this was a record, how quickly he's ignoring her. Had he always been like that, and she just never noticed? Well, she had a competition to prepare for and second-guessing to do for that Cole Porter show.

* * *

><p>"Mercedes" he called after her as she started to leave with Artie and Tina. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"<p>

"Sure." She sat down while they waited for the room to empty. "You didn't like what I sang?"

"No, it was beautiful. You're beautiful. It's just..." he hesitated. "It was about honesty, and I haven't been honest with you."

Here it comes, she thought. Here's where I get dumped. "About what?" she asked, trying to remember to breathe.

"I didn't exactly lie, but I wasn't honest. It's about Louisville."

"Okay." Does he have a girlfriend down there? She reminded herself to breathe.

"Well." he was staring at his shoes. "In Louisville I needed money, desperately. So I took a job, a terrible job."

"A legal job?"

"Yes, it was legal. I was a dancer. A stripper."

"That horrible!"

"I know. And you deserve a respectable boyfriend."

He felt her grab his hand. He looked up into her brown eyes, pools of concern. "It's horrible that you HAD to do that, not that you did it. It was a job and you needed a job. Rachel said it wasn't totally seedy, you weren't getting pawed or anything. And you were wearing more than in Rocky Horror, which Schuester made you do for free!"

"Rachel told you?" He would have never guessed that Rachel would blab.

"I first heard about it from Tina, who got it from Finn. I specifically asked Rachel just to hear another version of it. She didn't volunteer the information."

"Why didn't you tell me you knew?"

"How exactly? Hey, I heard you're a stripper now? I figured if you trusted me you'd tell me yourself. Thank you."

She kissed Sam and felt some of that old spark from the Spring. Maybe she did still love him.

* * *

><p>If You Only Knew – Little Jimmy Scott<p>

Take Me As I Am – Faith Hill

You'd Be So Nice To Come Home To - Nancy Wilson


	13. Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

"Well, fancy meeting you here." Sebastian Smythe kicked Blaine Anderson's ski-pant clad leg to one side and sat down beside him on the loveseat facing the fireplace. He handed Blaine a drink. "Drink this" he said, handing him a glass of milky liquid. "It'll warm you up." He sat back and drained his glass. "That's what I love about Europe, no minimum drinking age."

Blaine tasted the alcohol. Liquorice? "What is this?"

"Absinthe. Makes the heart grow fonder." he laughed at that ancient joke. "Hard to get back home. Montreal, that's where I go to get it. Legal drinking age is 18 up there. I'll take you sometime."

"Kurt too?"

"You dog!" he laughed again, his grey eyes reflecting the firelight. "I would have never guessed you for a 3 way. No, he'd just slow us down." He leaned closer to Blaine and whispered conspiratorially. "One man at a time. That's my motto and Kurt's not the man to make me change my mind. No offense."

"None taken. You don't like Kurt?" Blaine was starting to feel the glow of the alcohol.

"What little I know about Kurt I don't like. Sounds fickle, here one day and gone the next. Funny, normally I don't mind that in a guy." He tossed back the drink. "Skipped out on the Warblers to go to Nationals with his old friends. I saw their performance. Hah! Talk about embarrassing. And he left you for that." he signed thoughtfully. "And the way he dresses? That must have taken some getting used to. God only knows what he's doing right now." He added with a sideways glance to Blaine.

"I'm not worried. I trust him." Blaine finished his drink.

"Yeah, a guy like that you probably don't have to worry about somebody hitting on." Sebastian waved his hand and two more drinks magically appeared. "How long will you be here?"

"Til Wednesday. The rest of my family is still on the slopes. We come here every Christmas. That and..." A warning light flashed deep in Blaine's brain.

"And what?" Sebastian pressed.

"My birthday." He said ignoring the warning light. "Yesterday was my birthday."

"It was?" Sebastian sounded very pleased to hear that. "I'll have to come up with something extra special to do do for you." He smiled, a dangerously seductive smile. "To celebrate your birthday." Sebastian looked down at his empty glass and suddenly grabbed Blaine's arm and pulled him to his feet. "Let's go!"

"Go where?"

"Don't panic, you're not getting kidnapped. We're going to the bar to see the whole ceremony. You don't just pour absinthe in a glass and slide it across the bar. There's specific water fountains and special spoons to go with this."

* * *

><p>Two more drinks and suddenly they're in Sebastian's room, standing on a freezing cold balcony. "We have to do this outside" he explained, "because there's a slight risk of explosion and even I can't get get away with blowing up a hotel." Blaine watched as the older boy, dipped the sugar cube in absinthe, put it on a spoon over the absinthe and water mixture, and lit it.<p>

"Ohhhh" Blaine said, giggling like he was seeing fireworks.

Sebastian laughed and put his arm around Blaine. "Give it a minute, we've got to let the flame go out." He leaned over and kissed Blaine, a test kiss to see how he'd respond. The next 10 seconds are critical, Sebastian knew from previous experience, and he wasn't totally disappointed. Not the response he was hoping for but not a complete NO either. He decided Blaine's had enough to drink, time to move this party indoors.

With Blaine, there's a thin line between drunk and passed out, a line Sebastian crossed before he knew it. One minute Blaine's sitting on the edge of the bed and Sebastian is showering him with kisses. He's not responding much but he's not running for the door either. Sebastian unbuttoned the younger boy's shirt and gently brushed his nipple with his tongue. Blaine giggled, a good sign. The next time Sebastian looked up, Blaine was sound asleep.

Sebastian looked at him while he tried to decide on his next move. Getting a guy drunk in order to get laid was one thing, raping a guy was a whole other thing – a thing to which Sebastian Symthe didn't have to stoop. And was Blaine even worth the effort? It had been easy, too easy, to find out he'd be here. Back at Dalton they loved to talk about the fabulous Blaine Anderson. Ditching his family, also easily done. As long as he's asking for money they never say no. It's love and affection that's rationed in his household.

He was standing by the window, looking at the sun setting on the French Alps, when Blaine's phone rang. Sebastian picked the phone up from the floor. Kurt! A plan formed in his mind.

"Hey Kurt! What's up?" He said cheerfully.

"Who is this?" the soft, high voice came back.

"Sebastian. Remember me? From Dalton."

"Where's Blaine?"

"Sleeping. I guess he's worn out. Sorry, all my fault. Want me to wake him up?"

"I don't believe you." he said after hesitating for a few minutes.

"I can send you a picture if you want. Hold on for a second." he hung up and took a picture of a sleeping shirtless Blaine. He composed the picture carefully so that it appeared that Blaine was completely nude - if Kurt was the suspicious type. He hit send and called Kurt back.

"Got it?"

"Yes. Can you deliver a message to Blaine? Tell him to go to hell!"

"Got it! Anything else I can do for you?" he asked with a smirk in his voice.

"Yes, you can go to hell too!" Kurt hung up.

* * *

><p>Kurt sat on Mercedes' sofa, ruining Mercedes and Sam's plans for the afternoon. Her folks were in Columbus visiting her brother, they had the whole house to themselves, and who came knocking on the front door but Kurt. Kurt, who hadn't been her friend for most of last year, and now it seems to Sam that she can't get rid of him. That's the trouble with dating such a sweet girl, Sam thought. Her maternal instincts kicked in the moment she saw Kurt and now she's force feeding him hot chocolate.<p>

Losing Blaine ain't losing much, in Sam's opinion, but he decided to keep that opinion to himself. Sam had to admit that was a hell of a way to find out about Blaine's cheating on him and this Sebastian sounds like he could give Shane asshole lessons, which is a feat in itself.

There's no point in sending her 'get rid of him' signals, not where Kurt is concerned. "Are you hungry? I'm making lunch. Unless you have somewhere else you need to go?" he said hopefully.

"Thank you. The rest of my family, and Rachel, went to Toledo."

"So you've got all day?" Sam asked, trying to hide his disappointment. He only had two hours before he had to be at work.

Mercedes, who was currently rocking Kurt like a baby, shot Sam a dirty look. "Kurt, I need to talk to Sam for a minute. I'll be right back." She kissed the top of his head.

She walked over to Sam with her 'gonna give you a piece of my mind look', which dissolved the minute he reached down and brushed her hair back behind her ear. She looked up at him and laughed, a laugh Kurt had never heard before. Then they started kissing like Kurt wasn't there.

"Shit!" Mercedes turned and stared at him, Kurt's not one for profanity. "You guys probably had plans and here I am, blubbering all over the place. I'm going. You two have fun." he laughed ruefully.

"Going where?" she asked, alarmed.

"Don't worry, I'm not headed for the nearest bridge. I'm going to Santana's."

"Santana?" they both said in shock.

"We're kind of a McKinley gay support group. When Finn outed her a couple of other gay kids, kids I never even knew about, reached out to her. There's about a dozen of us and we get together sometimes. I found out Santana can be nice when she's not being defensive. Plus Britt's out of town for the holidays and I've talked to her a couple of times so I know she's around."

"Cool! Bye." Sam said opening the front door before Kurt got a chance to change his mind. The last thing Kurt heard was Mercedes laughing her new laugh.

* * *

><p>Kurt sat in a far corner of McKenna's, waiting for Santana. Santana likes this place and Kurt figured he could get to like it too. It's near the college so high school kids don't hang out here much, at least not the straight ones. Bill McKenna, the owner, prides himself on his tolerance. He'd have to, his wife is black and his son is gay. Ben McKenna, and his boyfriend Tim, are two of the gay kids he met though Santana. Sometimes Ben and his sister Alice, a TroubleTone dancer who is apparently straight, open the coffeehouse on Saturday nights for gay-friendly teen mixers. He was going to need help to move on from Blaine.<p>

The chatter in the room died down for a second and Kurt knew Santana was there. She always gets that reaction when she walks in a room. How does she do that?

"Hey, babe!" she said leaning over to plant a kiss on his cheek. She was wearing a long leather coat over a short red dress and red boots. Her thick black hair was pulled back with a blood red headband. Stunning, the girl was stunning, and half the coffeehouse noticed. "What's up?"

He slid a cup of coffee to her. "Well, to tell the most predictable story in the world, Blaine's cheating on me with someone who's sexy, rich and has a magnetic personality."

"Male or female?"

"Male of course! Blaine's gay."

"Blaine always struck me as..." she backed up seeing Kurt's expression. "Okay, he's gay. I just thought if it's a girl there's not much you can do to compete, is there? Do you know for sure or is it just a bad feeling you have?"

Kurt showed her two pictures Sebastian had sent. One of the shirtless Blaine, the other of the two of them laying in bed. Santana studied the pictures.

"Wow, that looks really bad." She handed the phone back to him. "Did you talk to Blaine yet?"

"No. I haven't heard from him. Looking at the pictures he's going to be asleep for a while."

"And you know the guy?"

"Sebastian. Sebastian Smythe from Dalton. He's been chasing Blaine for a while. Looks like he caught him."

She moved her chair closer to his and put one arm around him. "Do you want Blaine back?"

"He cheated on me!"

"Yeah, but do you want him back?"

"How could I want him back? How could I ever trust him again?"

"Do you at least want to know why he did it?"

"Because he's a slut?" He looked at his coffee cup. "I don't give a damn WHY he did it."

"Sure you do, you'd be out looking for a replacement if you didn't. Let me tell you something about cheating, I'm somewhat of a an expert. It's almost never about the person you're cheating with, they're just a penis you're using. It's always about you and the person you're cheating on. It's because you're hurting, hurting in a way you can't put in words and you feel like you can't talk to the person you love. Maybe you think you can't trust them to understand you, at least that's my issue. Who knows what his issue is. But, the new person is just a diversion. If you can't express it to the new person then two weeks from now there'll be another new person." She looked at Kurt to make sure he understood what she had just said. "Maybe you guys should see somebody."

"See somebody?" he said slowly.

"I see somebody." She handed Kurt a business card. "I used to be so angry, and so scared. That day with Finn, I was crazy that day, out of control crazy. It's no wonder he went off. And then, the worst thing that could possibly happen to me happened and you know what?"

"What?"

"I survived. I got help and I survived. You should go at least couple of times, with or without Blaine. Maybe he's a douche-bag. If so, you can't let that affect the whole rest of your life, thinking a douche-bag is the best you can hope for." She lifted his chin to make sure he was looking into her eyes. "You know what the first guy I fell in love with taught me?"

He shook his head.

"He taught me I was only good for one thing. It took years for me to wipe that out. I almost lost Britt cause I couldn't stop replaying that, over and over again. No matter what, don't start believing shit like that about yourself. You're so too good for the likes of Blaine Anderson." She laughed. "And Sebastian's not all that sexy if he can't even keep a man awake."


	14. The Modern Prometheus

Blaine was awakened by something hard pressing into his arm. He feigned sleep while he tried to think of where he might be. It was warm, overheated almost, what with the weight of the blankets he could feel and the crackle of the fireplace he could hear. Other than the lack of a shirt he seemed to be dressed in what he'd been wearing yesterday. That's good. He opened his eyes. The hard object was Sebastian's knee, who was sitting cross-legged on the bed, reading a book. That was good, kind of. He was also totally naked. That was bad, very, very bad.

"Good morning!" he said, leaning over for a kiss.

Blaine rolled away and jumped off the bed. Sebastian shrugged and turned back to his book.

"Where's my stuff?"

"Where ever you dropped it." he said without looking up. "There's food over there if you're hungry. For food. If you're hungry for something else..."

"No, thank you." Blaine said, buttoning his shirt and reaching for the doorknob.

"Fine by me. By the way, three things. Thing one, can I borrow this book?" He held up the Blaine's copy of Frankenstein, the book he'd been reading by the fireplace yesterday. "I should have read it last year instead of paying somebody to write the report. I thought the monster was all monosyllabic grunts, like the movie. It's fascinating."

"That's why they call it a classic. Keep it, I can get another."

"I'll treasure it always." He smirked at Blaine. "Thing two, Kurt called. He sounded mad. Probably something I said."

Blaine took a deep breath. This was not unexpected news. "Third thing?"

"Huh?" Sebastian asked, looking up from the book.

"You said you had three things to say."

"Oh, yeah. Happy Birthday!"

Blaine slammed the door behind him.

* * *

><p>"You look..." Santana cast through her mind, carefully selecting the word that best described Mercedes right now. Radiant, glowing, ecstatic, "satisfied." was the word she settled on.<p>

Alice looked between the young blond boy behind the counter and her friend opposite her. "Isn't he kind of young?"

"He's eighteen, same as you." Mercedes answered.

"Sorry, I like college guys. Technique." Alice winked at Santana.

"Sam was trained by a master." Santana boasted. "And he's young enough to be trained. College guys! How a guy could get so many bad habits in such a short period of time." she shook her head in disgust. "But catch 'em when they're young?"

"This is my boyfriend you're talking about, not some puppy you found in a parking lot." A blushing Mercedes redirected the conversation. "Besides we're here to cheer up Kurt."

"No, I'm here delivering an order." Alice said, placing the fruit salad Santana ordered on the table. "Gotta get back to work."

"Hands off my man!" Mercedes said with a laugh, her new deep and sexy laugh Kurt noticed she used whenever the topic was Sam Evans. "Don't even think about what Santana just put in your head."

"There's so many strays hanging around this place, I don't have to steal the ones that are taken." she said, eyeing a guy sitting alone at the counter.

"Feeling better today?" Mercedes asked.

"Yes. Sorry for barging in on you yesterday but I was in shock. Should have seen it coming, a guy like Blaine couldn't really be interested in me."

"You mean a guy dumb enough to cheat on a prize like you?" Mercedes asked.

Kurt's phone vibrated. He glanced at the photo id. Blaine. He turned the phone off.

"Not speaking to him?"

"I want to say it in person. Breaking up over the phone seems tacky."

"And you're sure you're breaking up?"

"Unless his story involves a drugged abduction I'm breaking up with him. Sebastian of all people! The only way this would be worse is if it was Rachel."

"Why would Rachel be worse?" Santana asked.

"One, she's a girl. Two, then they'd both be cheating on me."

"How well do you know Blaine?"

"Evidently not at all."

"Suppose the drug in question is alcohol?" Mercedes said. "I mean, you complained about how he gets when he drinks. And you said Sebastian's a heavy drinker. Maybe Blaine's got a drinking problem."

* * *

><p>Blaine was sitting in his hotel room, half a world away, staring at a half-empty bottle of wine and wondering the same thing. He put down his glass and walked into town, headed for the stationery shop he'd passed on his way to the wine store earlier. Writing in a journal had helped enough to get him out of that treatment center four years ago, maybe it would help now.<p>

When he got back he was shocked to find Sebastian in his room, sitting at the desk by the window, writing a letter on hotel stationery.

"How did you get in here?" he asked, stopping near the still-open door.

"Like I do everything. I paid somebody." Sebastian answered, folding the letter he was writing and putting it in an envelope.

"Well, what do you want?"

"Three things."

Blaine sighed. "You're still playing that game?"

"Thing one," he ignored Blaine's statement "thank you for the book. It changed my life."

"Too bad I didn't get it to you earlier."

"Thing two – this is for Kurt." He held up an envelope. "You can read it, you probably should because it describes our little..." he paused "encounter, in excruciating detail. You probably don't remember much of it. I want him to know that I initiated everything, it wasn't your fault what happened, which wasn't much as it turns out."

"Thing three." Sebastian continued. "I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for crashing through you life like Prometheus here." He waved the copy of Frankenstein. "Just because I'm..." he paused again "unhappy, is no reason to destroy any glimmer of happiness I stumble across just to prove I can." He stood up and looked down at the book. "It's funny, he was mad at Victor, for creating him and abandoning him, and Victor was totally clueless." He looked at Blaine. "Goodbye Blaine, I need to go home. I'm truly sorry for what I did to you."

* * *

><p>"Is Kurt home?" Blaine asked, standing on the front porch of the HummelHudson household.

"Nope." Finn looked at his nails. He stood there, making no effort to let Blaine in.

"Do you expect him home soon?"

"Nope." He leaned against the door frame.

"Do you know where he is?"

"Maybe." He smiled vaguely.

"Who is it, baby?" a female voice called from the other room.

"Blaine." Finn yelled back to the living room.

Rachel materialized at his side. "Come in!" she said, her voice and manner on the sympathetic side of neutral, as opposed to Finn who was definitely on the hostile side. Finn disappeared deeper into the house and left the two of them alone in the living room.

"How is he?" Blaine asked, turning over the envelope in his coat pocket.

"I was out town when he found out. We all were, so he went to Mercedes. By the time I got back he'd calmed down. A lot." Rachel seemed concerned about how calm Kurt was. "I don't know, he's in the "I'm young, I'll get over it." phase, which I guess is good."

"Do you know where he is?"

"Yes, I'll take you there."

* * *

><p>Kurt was at McKenna's, which appeared to be a hippie coffee house, one of five kids squeezed around a table for four. Kurt, Mercedes and Santana he expected. Santana was sitting on Mercedes' lap, which was unexpected and the other two people at the table were total wild cards. Dave Karofsky and an unknown black guy with Dave's same stocky build. The black guy and Dave were sharing an order of fries in a very couple-like manner. All five of them were laughing, especially Dave and his date, those two in a very new-couple kind of way. None of them noticed Blaine and Rachel walking in.<p>

"Kurt!" Rachel said as she reached the table. "How are you?"

"I'll live." he said standing up and hugging her. Over her shoulder he saw Blaine standing near the door. Everyone at the table turned and looked. "I wish you had warned me."

"You're going to see him at school tomorrow. This is a better place, don't you think? You feel safe here."

"You know me too well." he said with another hug. "Give me a few minutes." he walked towards Blaine, who hadn't moved from the doorway.

Rachel sat in Kurt's vacated seat. "Rachel, Rachel Berry." she said thrusting her hand at Dave's date when the others neglected their host duties in favor or staring at Kurt and Blaine.

"Steve. Steve Jackson. From Dave's new school."

"And you and Dave hang out here?"

"Sometimes." Dave answered. "It's nice here, comfortable."

They were still watching Kurt and Blaine standing near the door. Blaine took one step forward, Kurt took one step backwards.

"Ouch!" Mercedes said. "Between that and your bony butt I don't know what's more painful."

"People like my ass just fine!" Santana said.

"Well, what else are they gonna say?" Mercedes said jokingly.

"What'll you have?" Alice asked Rachel. Rachel stared at the waitress, trying to figure out how she knew her.

"It would be obvious if I were holding a guitar. Band kid, former TroubleTone." she said with a laugh. "Now, I have to say the curried chicken salad is great. Tim's finally found the right recipe. And Sam's cream-sickle frozen yogurt? Awesome. It's new, not a lot of demand for cold desserts this time of year but come summer? Anyway, it's healthy, yogurt instead of ice cream. Good for your New Years resolutions and all that. So what'll you have?"

"Get the frozen yogurt." Mercedes recommended. "Sam's been testing it on me all week." Santana giggled lustfully. "Can you get your mind out of the gutter for 10 minutes?" Mercedes asked, bouncing the Latina on her lap.

"I'll bring you a sample." Alice said before she walked away.

Kurt came back, dropped an envelope on the table and picked up his coat. "We're just going for a walk around the block. Back soon." Of course nobody heard him, they all stared at the envelope, wanting to touch it but afraid to at the same time.

"I guess it would be terribly rude..." Rachel started.

"Unfortunately, it would." Mercedes said. "What did Blaine have to say for himself?"

"Not much. He's not much of a talker, really. He didn't deny anything, just said it wasn't as bad as it looked."

Steve and Dave reached for the last fry at the same time. Then they laughed at each other. "Damn, look at the time!" Dave said standing up.

"Yeah, we've got...stuff..to do before it gets late." Steve said, also standing up.

"Stuff, huh?" Santana asked, before being tossed from Mercedes' lap.

"Yeah, stuff!" Dave said, grinning at Santana. "Tell Kurt to call me if he needs somebody beat up. And tell Blaine not to worry, Kurt's the forgiving type. Look at what I did and he forgave me."

* * *

><p>Frankenstein - The Modern Prometheus - Mary Shelley<p> 


	15. A Case of You

"Magandang gabi." Tim said. It was a guess, the nationality of the Asian woman at the counter, but she looked like his cousin so he took a shot. The dark-haired woman smiled and responded.

"Magandang gabi. Kmusta ka?"

"Mabuti naman. Ako si Tim."

"Ako si Esperanza." she held out her hand.

"Well, Esperanza," he said shaking her hand, "that's about all the Tagalog I remember. Hello, how are you, fine thank you. It doesn't come in much use here in Ohio."

"You're good. Drop you in Manila and you'd do just fine."

"Sometimes my dad wishes he could drop me off in Manila. Then I'd be somebody else's problem. Anyway, what will you have today? Coffee, tea, latte, hot chocolate, smoothie?"

"Coffee, thank you. And can I ask you a question? I'm looking for Kurt Hummel. I was told he comes here sometimes."

Tim frowned. Why was this gorgeous Filipino woman, Tim guessed her somewhere between 25 and 30, looking for a gay high-school boy? "Why? Not being rude, okay maybe it is rude, but he's a friend and..."

"Oh," she smiled again. "It's nothing like that. I need to talk to him, about Blaine."

* * *

><p>"Hi, I'm Esperanza. Esperanza Santos?" she added at Kurt's blank expression. "Okay." she said sitting down opposite him, "that name obviously means nothing to you. So Blaine never mentioned he has a sister, or more accurately a half-sister." Kurt nodded. "Well, he does and that would be me."<p>

"Blaine's not one for talking." Kurt said, adding this piece of information to his list of things Blaine never bothered to mention. "He mentioned his younger brothers, Spencer and Sterling. They're half-brothers, correct?"

"Correct. Blaine's mother is my mother. His father is their father. He lives with them. Our mother lives in Toledo."

"May I ask where you live?"

"I live in Philadelphia. I'm in town to visit Blaine." She spun her coffee cup in her hands. "He's thinking of moving. To Philadelphia. Not that I wouldn't love to have him but...I think he's being impulsive."

"And you think I should take him back?"

"Not necessarily. He screwed up, big time. And the fact that you've never heard of me makes me think there's other things you haven't heard, things you should know before you make up you mind about him. Things he needs to let go of if he wants to make room for you in his life."

"Things like what?"

"Oh no," she said shaking her head "he'll have to tell you himself. If he can't, or won't, that makes your decision much easier."

* * *

><p>"I met your sister." Kurt said, leaning against the row of lockers.<p>

"You did?" Blaine said, opening his locker.

"Yes, She said you're thinking of going to Philadelphia. Why? Why not back to Dalton?"

"Besides the obvious reason, my dad, or I should say my stepmother, has gotten used to not paying tuition. I can't afford to go back to Dalton, not that I'd want to go there anyway for the most obvious of reasons."

"Because Sebastian's there?"

"That would be correct."

"He acted perfectly normal at Regionals. He even congratulated us without any snark."

"Who knows how long that's going to last? I'm not going back." he shut his locker. "I just don't want to be here, around you, anymore. I mean, this whole being friends thing is fine in theory but every time I see you it reminds me what a idiot I am." He opened his locker, remembered he didn't need anything in it, and shut it again. "You don't trust me, you'll never trust me again. I understand why you feel that way. It's hopeless."

"I'd like to trust you again." He touched Blaine's arm lightly. "She said there's things I need to know, before I make any decisions."

"Did she say what they were?"

"No, she said that was up to you."

Blaine closed his eyes, as if he were making a big decision. "We're going to Toledo this weekend, Hope and I. Do you want to come, meet my mother?"

"I thought your sister's name was Esperanza."

"It is, in Spanish. It's Hope in English."

"Oh. When do you need to know? If I'm coming with you or not?"

"By Friday's okay. There's a guest room you can stay in. We'll be back by noon Sunday."

* * *

><p><em>I remember that time you told me you said<em>  
><em>"Love is touching souls"<em>  
><em>Surely you touched mine<em>  
><em>'Cause part of you pours out of me<em>  
><em>In these lines from time to time<em>  
><em>Oh, you're in my blood like holy wine<em>  
><em>You taste so bitter and so sweet<em>

_Oh I could drink a case of you darling_  
><em>And I would still be on my feet<em>  
><em>I would still be on my feet<em>

_I met a woman_  
><em>She had a mouth like yours<em>  
><em>She knew your life<em>  
><em>She knew your devils and your deeds<em>  
><em>And she said<em>  
><em>"Go to him, stay with him if you can<em>  
><em>But be prepared to bleed"<em>

_Oh but you are in my blood_  
><em>You're my holy wine<em>  
><em>You're so bitter, bitter and so sweet<em>

_Oh, I could drink a case of you darling_  
><em>Still I'd be on my feet<em>  
><em>I would still be on my feet<em>

Blaine watched Kurt singing in the choir room, his voice sweet and pure. Like that day he sang _Blackbird_, the day he realized he loved Kurt. He wasn't trying to sound like Joni Mitchell, he was being Kurt, sweet beautiful trusting Kurt. Kurt who deserved better. Mercedes and Rachel were both learning forward, examining Kurt's performance for clues to his state of mind. They are so dissimilar Blaine thought, Rachel and Mercedes, but together they seem to be helping him to heal. They both jumped up, applauding when he finished. They both said the song was competition ready. They both scowled at Blaine as he walked to the front of the room.

_What can I say, dear, after I say I'm sorry?  
>What can I do to prove it to you, I'm sorry?<br>I didn't mean to ever be mean to you  
>If I didn't care I wouldn't feel like I do<em>

_I was all wrong but right or wrong I don't blame you  
>Why should I take somebody like you and shame you?<br>I made you cry, and I'm so sorry dear  
>So what can I say, dear, after I say I'm sorry?<em>

"That's deep." Sam whispered in her ear.

"What? Who didn't know Blaine could sing?" Mercedes answered, trying to push away any sympathetic feeling she was starting to feel towards Blaine.

"Yeah, but who knew he felt things? He seems nice enough, but kinda cold, you know?"

"That from the guy that sang about a man who can't decide between staying home with his girlfriend and going fishing."

"That's a really sad song." Sam said with a smile. "And that's ironic comment coming from the girl who sang about a drug dealer."

"Well, he was sad when the cops kicked down the door. I told Schuester I can't get into all this "Week of Heartache". I'm just not feeling it. And I'm not the only one. What the heck was Rory singing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, wohoo, I love your thighs?"

"The Pogues. He's representing for his people. Say's he's only covering Irish singers from now on. And it's all my fault you're not feeling the angst. Speaking of which, there's not a decent fishing hole within 100 miles of here."

"And I care, why?" she asked with a half-smile.

"Oh, you know you care! And you know why."

She suppressed a laugh. "Let's see if we can come up with something to make up for the shocking lack of fishing holes in western Ohio."

* * *

><p>"It can't hurt to go." Rachel said, flipping through outfits for her date tonight with Finn. "You always wanted to meet his family." She held up a cotton candy pink dress. Kurt shook his head. "His sister will be there if he tries anything." She held up a robin's egg blue dress. He shook his head. "You said she was nice, the sister?"<p>

"Yes, Esperanza is nice. Also totally different from Blaine. She dress very..bohemian I guess you'd call it. Blaine grew up with money in America, and she grew up poor in the Philippines. Blaine's dad was in Manila for business. Their mom worked at the hotel, head of the housekeeping staff, and she was also raising Esperanza alone. They fell in love, got married and moved here. She was ten when Blaine was born. Ten, fifteen years later they got divorced and the mom moved to Toledo, where there's an uncle and some other family. Anyway the stepmother he's mentioned before and that's how they're different. Esperanza told me all of that over a cup of coffee. Blaine – not a word. Like it was some deep dark shameful secret." She held up a navy blue dress. He nodded. "I don't know why you buy pastels. Where are you going?"

"Art gallery reception down at the college. Double date with Sam and Mercedes, wanna come?"

"Strange place for a double date."

"Well, Mercedes evidently really likes art. That's why Sam likes it and also because it's free. Finn's trying to make up to Sam for that stripper foolishness. Why don't you come too? We're just going to the reception together. After that Sam's got to go to work, at that coffee house you like. I'm not sure what Mercedes is doing later."

"Let me check with Mercedes to see if she's busy later. If it's okay with her, sure, I like art."

* * *

><p>Esperanza studied the canvas in front of her. The Muses. Four girls, sitting at a table in what looked like that coffee house she visited last week. She stepped back to get the effect of the overall composition. She stepped forward to look at the brushwork.<p>

"What do you think?" asked Tim from the coffeehouse.

"Hello, Tim. Is this that same coffeehouse?"

"Yes, it's McKenna's." He studied the painting too.

"I really like the skin tones of the girls. Sometimes black people are hard to paint, but this is a good job." The four muses were a fair-skinned blond, an olive-toned Latina or possibly Native American, and honey-colored bi-racial girl and an African-American girl. They were sitting at a table, laughing like they'd been captured mid-joke. "I also like that they're not holding lyres and shit. That would be hokey." She pointed to the canvas hanging next to the one they were looking at. "And this one, same girl, totally different feel." It was a portrait of the bi-racial girl and a white boy, sitting on a bench, heads touching, smiling. Maybe a comedy/tragedy theme because the girl's smile had a touch of sadness to it, sadness missing entirely from the boy. "Much more ambiguous. It's hard to tell the relationship between them and between them and the artist, where it's obvious that they're friends in the other painting."

"Do you think these are good?" Tim asked frowning at the paintings.

"The artist needs a little more polish but the eye is there, that's the most important thing. For a college student, I'd guess third/fourth year, it's damned good."

"Are you an artist?"

"No" she said laughing. "Ask anybody who's seen my work. I'm a buyer for a chain of boutique hotels. Mostly abstracts and landscapes. I'm here visiting family and decided to drop in." she looked at the price tag on the Muse painting, $200. "This would go for twice that on the East Coast. I live in Philadelphia but New York, or better yet Washington? I'm buying one, not sure which one yet. This one, AB, seems too intimate, too personal to be hanging on a stranger's wall. Yes, I'm buying the Muses."

"Hello Tim, Hope." Blaine said walking up to them.

"Esperanza." she corrected him, rolling her r's just a bit.

"That's really nice, Tim." he said, missing the correction as he stared at the painting. "When did you have time to do this?"

"You painted these? And you let me ramble on. Suppose I said it was awful?"

"That would be good to know, if a professional art buyer thinks I'm an awful painter. Save me from wasting a lot of time.

"So how do you know my brother?" Esperanza asked.

"Blaine's your brother?" he looked closely at the two of them. He would have never guessed, but people never guess Alice and Ben are related either. "School. I'm a senior at McKinley. I also take classes here."

"You're still in high school? Maybe I will buy both. You're going to be valuable one day."

"Hopefully while I'm still alive and get to spend the money."

"Tim, when did you finish?" Mercedes said hugging him from behind. "It must be still wet. Awesome! Can my dad buy it?"

"Too late, sold it." he said with a laugh. "Meet Blaine's sister, Esperanza. Santos, right?"

"Correct." she looked from the girl in front of her to the girl on the canvas. Tim had done an excellent job in capturing her.

"Mercedes, Mercy, was my inspiration. Only there's three Graces and I had four models I wanted to paint. Therefore, Muses instead of Graces."

"Tell you what Mercedes. You dad can buy this one if Tim agrees to takes a commission. I'll send you a picture of one of our coffeehouses, I need that for the background. $600 and that's still a good price." She pulled a business card from her wallet and handed it to him. "Blaine can reach me anytime."

Blaine was staring across the room at Kurt, who was standing with Sam, looking a photograph. "Excuse me" he said heading towards Kurt.

* * *

><p>A Case of You – Joni Mitchell<br>What Can I Say After I Say I'm Sorry – Nat King Cole

Mercedes' song – Kid Charlemagne (Steely Dan)  
>Sam's song – I'm Gonna Miss Her (Brad Paisley)<br>Rory's son – Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah (The Pogues)


	16. Corner of the Sky

**Lima, Ohio**

Sam almost tripped over Kurt, sitting alone in the dark on the front steps at 6am in the morning.

"What are you doing?" he asked sitting down opposite him.

"Waiting for Blaine." he said softly. "We're going to Toledo."

"What's in Toledo?"

"His mother. I'm finally getting to meet his mother."

"That's good, isn't it?" Kurt didn't sound like it was good.

"It would have been good if it was his idea. His sister forced him to do this."

"Still, you're going to meet her. And you've met his sister. Isn't that what you wanted, to meet his family?"

"I don't know what I want." he said with a short laugh. "So why are you out so early, going to another job?"

"No" he said beaming. "I'm going home. It's my mother's birthday and Mercedes is going down there with me to visit her. So we're doing the same thing, meeting the family, only she already met mine, but still."

"I guess. Here's Blaine now." He stood up and started towards the car. "Have fun."

"You too!"

**Lima to Louisville, Kentucky**

Mercedes smiled as she listened to Sam ramble on about home. He was so excited to be going home, and the fact that Mercedes had offered to drive his there was the icing on the cake. You'd think she'd just given him $1000, he was so happy. He'd only be gone for two months, but he missed them as much as if he'd been gone for two years. He wondered how much Stacey and Stevie had grown, Mercedes reminded him children don't grow that fast. He wondered if his mother remembered how to make his favorite dinner, Mercedes reminded him that his mother's not old enough to be senile yet. He wondered if his Uncle Jesse would recognize him. Okay, that one she'd give him the benefit of the doubt on. He hadn't seen his Uncle Jesse in three years. Sam went on and on about fishing with Uncle Jesse and how Jesse was the only one patient enough to teach him to drive.

"You'll like my uncle."

**Lima to Toledo, Ohio**

Kurt stared out the window at western Ohio. This must be the quietest car trip ever. Blaine and his sister are sitting in the front set, and Kurt is realizing just how softly they both speak. They're not whispering, they're just speaking softly about people Kurt never heard of. Oh, he could write a book full of Blaine's relatives he's never heard of. The only interesting thing to happen is Blaine keeps calling her Hope and she keeps correcting him, loudly. He wished he'd remembered to put his i-pod in his coat pocket instead of in the trunk.

"Can we please stop soon? I need to get something from the trunk."

**Louisville, Kentucky**

Mercedes sat on the living room sofa, staring at the Evans family portrait. Sam's hair was short and brown, so this must have been taken after they left Lima. She's concentrating on the picture, doing a mind-focus exercise Shane taught her, trying to block out the argument going on in the kitchen.

Dinner had started out innocently enough. Sam's parents were happy to see them and the twins were jumping up and down with excitement. Unfortunately Uncle Jesse couldn't make it but Sam's mother was capable of remembering what he liked to eat and is an excellent cook. They lived at a motel in Lima so Mercedes had never tasted Mrs. Evans' cooking.

After a delicious dinner Stacey and Stevie brought out the birthday cake, a cake they had decorated. Mercedes ohhed and ahhed and hoped it tasted better than it looked. They were just about to blow out the candles when there was a knock at the door.

"It's me, Jesse! I made it after all!" the voice on the other side of the door announced.

Sam lept from his seat to answer the door and greeted his uncle with a bear hug. Mr and Mrs. Evans exchanged worried glances. Uncle Jesse was all smiles. All smiles that is, until he saw Mercedes.

"Who is she?" he asked pointing.

"Mercedes Jones, a guest in our house so give it a rest." Mrs. Evans answered.

"Sarah..." Jim, Sam's father, said in a cautious tone.

"What?" she snapped. "He's your brother, control him!"

"Maybe you should came back later." Jim said to Jesse.

"Come back later? I'm here to visit my nephew! He won't be here later."

"Then show some respect for his girlfriend." Sara said.

"His what!" he said, clearly shocked.

"Mercedes, can you please take Stevie and Stacey to the other room for a second?" Mercedes took the two children's hands and hurried from the room.

Stevie retreated to his bedroom and Stacey was sitting beside her on the sofa. She leaned against Mercedes' arm and then climbed in her lap. The small girl wrapped her arms around Mercedes's neck and sang in her ear.

_Good morning starshine  
>The earth says hello<br>You twinkle above us  
>We twinkle below<em>

_Good morning starshine  
>You lead us along<em>  
><em>My love and me as we sing<em>  
><em>Our early morning singing song<em>

"My momma sings that to me every day. And I sing it to myself when I'm sad. Don't be sad Mercedes."

"Thank you Stacey," she said hugging the young blonde. "I'll try not to be sad."

"Good." Stacey giggled. "You know what? My momma said a bad word today."

"She did? I'm sure she didn't mean it."

"She meant it." Stacey said with conviction. "She said it again, when Uncle Jesse knocked on the door." Stacey lowered her voice. "She called him an...ass."

"Stacey, you shouldn't repeat words like that. Those are for grownups." Though secretly she agreed with Mrs. Evan's assessment. "Maybe he just doesn't know any better."

"My momma said it's silly to hate people if you don't even know them. If they really are bad you'll find out soon enough."

"Your momma is very smart." She kissed the top of her head. "But you still shouldn't use bad words." They both jumped when the door to the dining room was suddenly flung open.

"Then I guess I'll never see you again!" Sam yelled. He sat down and put his arm around Mercedes. "Stacey, go get Stevie and put on your coats. We're going out for ice cream."

"But the cake..." she started to whine.

"When we get back. First thing, I promise."

"Get the hell out of my house!" Sara Evans said, storming across the living room and opening the front door.

Stacey looked at Mercedes. I told you so, the look said.

"This is my brother's house!" Jesse yelled back.

Mr. Evans stood beside his wife and put his arm around her. "Jesse, I think you should leave now. I'm not raising my kids the way we were raised. If you can't respect that then I can't allow you to be around them."

**Toledo, Ohio**

Kurt flipped though the Santos/Anderson family album. Carmen, Blaine's mother, is an attractive woman today and she was positively gorgeous when she was younger. Curly black hair, sparkling brown eyes, obviously where Blaine got his looks. Actually, Esperanza was also very pretty, just the way she dresses distracts from her looks, at least in Kurt's opinion. Esperanza dresses like a person who doesn't care much about clothes.

Here's a picture of the mother and daughter at a funeral. Maybe for Esperanza's father? Kurt hates funerals so he turned the page. Here's a picture of a wedding so this must be Blaine's father. He was much thinner then, 15 years ago, than he is now. At least Kurt thinks that was Blaine's father that he met briefly after Sectionals last year. Not that Kurt was actually introduced to the man, the Warblers had a party at Blaine's house and his father answered the door.

He looked at more pictures, Blaine as a baby, then a toddler, then in middle school. He wore his hair longer then. Long and curly. Kurt's trying to decide which way he likes it better when suddenly his hair is slicked back and he's wearing a Dalton uniform. Kurt compared the last picture before Dalton to that one, trying to figure out how much time had passed. Blaine seemed taller and more muscular in the Dalton picture.

"Hey" Blaine said sitting on the floor near Kurt's feet. "What are you doing?"

"Looking at this photo album." He pointed to the pre-Dalton picture. "When was this taken?"

"Looks like late fall. That tree is in our backyard. This was before..." He hesitated. "We all lived in Columbus back then."

"What year?"

"I don't remember."

"What I'm asking is – how much time between this picture and the Dalton one?"

"A year? Maybe two."

"That's a big gap, I mean compared to all the other pictures." He waited for Blaine to clarify the gap. He knew, or he thought he knew, why Blaine went to Dalton, he just hadn't realized there was such a big time difference between the public and the private schools. Somehow he'd always thought the switch was immediate, like his had been.

"I suppose." Blaine stood up. "Do you want me to show you where the guest room is?"

"Yes, thank you." Kurt closed the photo album.

**Louisville to Lima**

"Do you want to stop? Get a cup of coffee or something?"

"Yes, thanks. I really need a bathroom break. We can switch, no reason why you have to drive all the way back to Lima."

"You sure you don't mind?"

"After all you've done for me? This is nothing. Listen, about my uncle..."

"You don't have to apologize for him. Your mom and dad already did. Your mom's awesome, by the way." Mercedes glanced over at Sam. "I know he's your favorite uncle.."

"Was my favorite uncle" Sam interrupted.

"Was. I'm just sorry I caused a family fight."

"You didn't cause that fight. Jesse's ignorance caused that fight. You were a lady, a really classy lady."

"Thanks."

The Starbucks they stopped at was deserted, there was no reason why Mercedes had to wave like a maniac when Sam came out of the bathroom, but wave she did.

"I ordered for you." she said sliding a cup of coffee across the table.

"Thanks, honey." He said, kissing her. "Remember last night after the cake, and you girls all settled on the sofa to watch that cheesy movie?"

"I beg your pardon." she said in mock indignation. "Cinderella is not a cheesy movie. And that Filipino prince was hot. If you hadn't come back and if Tim wasn't gay..." she said with a teasing smile.

"That's a lot of ifs. Anyway, while you were watching the movie I couldn't help but overhear it, and it reminded me how beautiful you are and everything." he started singing

_Do I love you because you're beautiful_  
><em>Or are you beautiful because I love you<em>  
><em>Am I making believe I see in you<em>  
><em>A girl to lovely to be really true<em>  
><em>Do I want you because you're wonderful<em>  
><em>Or are you wonderful because I want you<em>  
><em>Are you the sweet invention of a lover's dream<em>  
><em>Or are you really as beautiful as you seem<em>

"Oh, that's so sweet, Sam." she looked around. "And luckily I'm in a town where nobody knows me. Don't do that again." she said laughing.

"Okay, but can I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead, ask away."

"Wanna get married? To me that is? Please?"

"Right now?" she sputtered.

"No, not right this minute. The minute graduation's over."

"That's not funny." she said solemnly.

"It's not supposed to be funny. I'm serious."

"You haven't even asked me to the prom yet."

"So we can get married after I take you to the prom?"

"Sam, I can't get married." she said sadly.

"I know I don't have much to offer..."

"If I could get married I'd take you, empty-handed, over a a guy with a Super Bowl ring. I can't get married, period."

"Why not?"

"I just can't. We should leave now." She stood up and reached for her purse.

"Is this about me," he asked, grabbing her wrist "or is this about your father?"

"How do you know about that?" She sat down again.

"I'm not stupid, I could see that something was wrong so I asked him. My grandfather had Parkinson's. That's one of the things I talked to my dad about, and your dad's going to live another 20 years like my grandfather did. You can't put your life on hold like he'll be gone tomorrow." He looked deep into her brown eyes. "If anything you want to get married sooner rather than later. Your dad was in his 40s when you were born. I know you're worried about him, but do you really think you parents want you to hang around the house for the next 20 years, afraid to live because you're waiting for him to die? They wouldn't want that. Promise me you'll think about it."

**Toledo to Lima**

"Do you want to stop? Get a cup of coffee or something?"

"Yes, thank you. We can switch if you want. Since we left Esperanza there's no reason why you have to drive the whole way."

Kurt was staring out the window of the Starbucks when Blaine returned from the bathroom.

"I ordered for you." he said sliding the cup of coffee across the table.

"So you met my family," Blaine started. "Did it make any difference?"

"It just reinforced how little I really know about you. We've been together almost a year but I don't really know you."

"What does that mean?"

"You seemed more relaxed than I've ever seen you. Unguarded. Then I wondered why you're so guarded around me. Why you don't trust me."

"You think I don't trust you?"

"There's a whole year of your life missing, the year after you left public school and before you went to Dalton. Whatever happened that year, you don't trust me with. It's okay, you don't have to. I don't want to pressure you. I'm just trying to explain why...why...why we're breaking up."

"Okay. Fine." Blaine stood up with his coffee. "Are you ready to leave?"

**Lima, Ohio**

Blaine was just sitting there, sitting there and singing. That's the main thing everyone noticed about his performance in the choir room that day. Normally he dances while he sings, and this song could use a little dancing. But no, he's just sitting there with a guitar and singing.

_Everything has its season_  
><em>Everything has its time<em>  
><em>Show me a reason<em>  
><em>And I'll soon show you a rhyme<em>

_Cats sit on the window sill_  
><em>Children sit in the show<em>  
><em>Why do I feel I don't fit in<em>  
><em>Anywhere I go?<em>

_Rivers belong where they can ramble_  
><em>Eagles belong where they can fly<em>  
><em>I've got to be where my spirit can run free<em>  
><em>Gotta find my corner<em>  
><em>Of the sky<em>

_Every man has his daydream_  
><em>Everyman has his goal<em>  
><em>People like the way dreams have of<em>  
><em>Sticking to the soul<em>

_Thunder clouds have their lightning_  
><em>Nightingales have their song<em>  
><em>And don't you see I want my life<em>  
><em>To be something more than long<em>

_Rivers belong where they can ramble_  
><em>Eagles belong where they can fly<em>  
><em>I've got to be where my spirit can run free<em>  
><em>Gotta find my corner<em>  
><em>Of the sky<em>

_So many men seem destined  
>To settle for something small<br>But I, I won't rest  
>'Til I know I have it all<em>

_So don't ask where I'm going  
>Just listen when I'm gone<br>Far away you'll hear me singing  
>Softly to the dawn<em>

_Rivers belong where they can ramble_  
><em>Eagles belong where they can fly<em>  
><em>I've got to be where my spirit can run free<em>  
><em>Gotta find my corner<em>  
><em>Of the sky<em>

* * *

><p>"Principle Figgins, I've noticed that Blaine Anderson's been out of school for a week. Is something wrong?" Kurt asked.<p>

"Have you tried calling him?" Figgins asked the pale, thin boy standing in front of his desk.

"Yes, I can't reach him."

"Well, we have strict rules about confidentiality." he said, leaning back in his chair.

"I know, but he mentioned transferring and I wondered if he had his records sent somewhere."

"No, his records are still here, there's been no request for a transfer."

"So he's still in Lima?"

"Yes, he's doing independent home study the rest of the year but technically he's still a student here." And that's a shame Figgins thought, Blaine's one of the few students that hasn't caused any trouble. Yet. What a nice school this would be if he could put most of the kids on home study. Figgins smiled thinking about that.

"Thank you." Kurt said, leaving the office.

* * *

><p>Kurt sat in his car, watching Blaine's house, feeling like a stalker. He wasn't even sure Blaine was home, his car was there but he could be out with his family. Kurt was about to give in to the feeling of being ridiculous and go home when Blaine came out and headed down the street.<p>

"Blaine!" he called, getting out of the car. Blaine stopped but didn't turn around. He waited until Kurt caught up and started walking again.

"How are you?"

"Okay."

"We missed you, at school."

"Okay." he shoved his hands into his pockets.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"Okay."

"Are you going to say something other than okay?"

"What do you want me to say?" he asked, stopping so suddenly that Kurt almost ran into him.

"Ummm..."

"Sorry for snapping at you. I guess I'm not used to being around people these days. Sorry."

"Isn't you family home?"

"Yes, they're around, but they've been avoiding me, until this all, ahhh, blows over, as they say."

"And your mom and sister?"

"Esperanza went home and I can't show up in Toledo when I'm supposed to be in school down here, can I? Let's go back, I didn't realize it was so cold out. I'll make coffee."

Kurt looked around the kitchen. It was big, full of granite and stainless steel. The oven was large, you could feed an army from this kitchen. How many people lived here? Blaine, his two brothers, his father and stepmother. Kurt wondered if they had a lot of big parties, the kitchen was definitely set up for that. He watched Blaine make coffee.

"You want some dinner?" Blaine opened a huge refrigerator. "Everybody else is at a recital, they won't be home for hours. They left food. I think it's lasagna."

The two boys ate in the kitchen, sitting at the island in the middle of the room. "So it's decided. I'm going to Philadelphia for senior year. Esperanza set all kinds of conditions." He frowned, so many conditions. "One of them is finishing the school year here. So I'm leaving in June."

"And you're not going to Nationals with us?"

"No." He separated the onions from the rest of the salad in front of him. "You'll be fine without me."

"Blaine, please come back."

"Why?"

"I've been thinking about us." Kurt pushed around the lasagna on his plate. "Rachel thinks secrets in a relationship are bad. She thinks they just pile up and explode in the middle of an argument, making everything worse. Mercedes thinks things that happened the past are private. Maybe it might explain why a person responds in a particular way but it's the past and can't be changed. She says it takes time to feel comfortable enough to share those kinds of things." He pushed the plate away. "I think whatever happened that year is private, not a secret. If that's important to you, to keep it to yourself, then I have to respect that. It wouldn't make a difference to me anyway. I'd still love you."

He stared at Kurt for several seconds before answering. "Like you said, you don't know me."

"I love the part I know. Even if you spent that year in jail I wouldn't love you less." Kurt said maintaining eye contact.

"I wasn't in jail."

"That's good to know." Kurt said with a small smile.

Blaine stood up and turned on more lights in the kitchen. The room was now as bright as an operating room. "Let me show you something." He sat down opposite Kurt and pushed the sleeves on his sweater up to his elbows. He put both arms down on the counter top, palms up. "See that?"

"See what?"

"That." He traced a small scar on his left wrist. "That was a test. To see if it would hurt, what would happen. It wasn't what I expected, it just dripped. So this one," he pushed his right wrist closer to Kurt. "was deeper. Not spurting like in a horror movie but it definitely bled more. I didn't know what was supposed to come next, was it going to start hurting or would I pass out? So I sat on the bed, waiting for something to happen, and I realized that it would be a big mess for somebody to clean up, that's why people do this in the bathtub. I hadn't thought of that before. That's where I was headed, to the bathroom, when I unexpectedly ran into my mother. She'd gone to work but came back for something or other. That dance I told you about was in the fall, then I stayed home for a while. This..." he held up his hands "was in January. Then I was in a psychiatric hospital for a while. It was too late to start at Dalton by the time I got out."

Kurt reached over and took Blaine's hands in his. He lightly kissed the scars on the shorter boy's wrists. "Thank you for telling me that."

"And you're not worried? Worried that maybe I really am crazy?"

"No, I don't think you're crazy. I thought about it and I'm not crazy. I still love you."

"But you didn't do it, did you?"

"You know why I didn't do it? My dad. He buried my mom, I couldn't bear the thought of him burying me too. Just visualizing him finding my body." he shrugged. "That's the only reason I didn't do it."

"I love you, Kurt. Thank you for coming here, I don't think I would have been strong enough to do that."

"That's 'cause I love you."

* * *

><p>All three are from musical soundtracks.<p>

Good Morning Starshine (Hair) - okay, I used it before but it's the Evans' family goto happy song

Do I Love You Because You're Beautiful (Cinderella)

Corner of the Sky (Pippin) - the Jackson Five has a really nice version


	17. Don't Get Round Much Anymore

Kurt tried to sleep, but Tim and Ben seemed intent on making that impossible and he couldn't exactly be mad at them. If it wasn't for them, Tim specifically, he'd be spending the weekend home in Lima. But thanks to Mercedes and Tim, here he was singing at a jazz competition. The two had convinced Brad to add another vocalist, vocalizing, not singing, is what they call it around here. And Brad, who it turns out is capable of speech, actually likes Kurt's voice.

"What the hell! Buy your own plane ticket and we'll squeeze you in a room somewhere." the grey-haired pianist said. "Leave the falsetto in Lima, it's distracting."

That's why he's sharing a room with Zach, a saxophonist, Tim and Ben. Zach fell asleep the minute his dreads hit the pillow but Tim and Ben, who are sharing the other queen-sized bed in this room, not so much. For the last half hour they've been giggling and trading sloppy kisses. Damn, he wished he was kissing Blaine right now. Is this what college is like, sharing a room with strangers who have their own ideas of appropriate behavior? He wondered if Zach had a problem with the activities going on across the room.

"Can you guys give it a rest?" Zach said, suddenly sitting up and throwing a pillow across the room. "I'm trying to sleep here! Jesus!"

The giggling stopped, for about 5 minutes. Then one of them, Kurt wasn't sure who, started laughing hysterically, jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. The other one followed and Kurt heard muffled laughter and then the sound of the shower running.

"That'll keep 'em busy for a while." Zach said as he rolled over and dropped back into sleep. And he was right, Kurt was asleep when they came out of the bathroom.

* * *

><p>The next morning Kurt was the first one up and dressed. His morning routine took a long time and he didn't want to monopolize the bathroom. At NAYDA he was determined he's going to be known as the considerate roommate. Zach turned out to be a in and out of the shower and out the door in 5 minutes type guy.<p>

"So have you ever been to a competition before?" Kurt asked Tim, who was still in bed.

"We've been to competitions, just not this one. This is the first time we've qualified. I guess it's the vocalists, it's a new category for us." He reached over and tenderly brushed the hair back from a sleeping Ben's face. He smiled at Kurt. "Thanks for coming and taking some of the pressure off me. I'm a guitarist, a violinist when I have to be, not a singer. You and Mercedes are going to have to pull us over the top."

"Your singing was good enough to get you here." Kurt reminded him. "What happens next?"

"Mercedes is so good she covered for me. Anyway she told me about Nationals last year, this is different. The Essential Ellington competition is big on education so remember Aaron, who came to Ohio to teach that workshop? Well, he's our assigned mentor. His job is to help us win. Regionals - it's wasn't winner and losers, it was a jazz festival. We're here based on an audition tape. We're scheduled to play late this afternoon. Top three bands play a concert tomorrow night, with the Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra. That's what I want, just to say I played with Wynton Marsalis."

They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Open up, it's me, Alice." Kurt opened the door to Alice and Mercedes.

"Aren't you guys up yet?" she asked looking at her yawning brother.

"Christ! A thousand miles from home and you sound just like mom." Ben said, opening his eyes. "Hey pretty!" he pulled Tim down for a kiss.

"So anyway" Alice said ignoring them, "let's get going. We just got kicked out of our room so..."

"You got kicked out?" Kurt asked.

"Zach and Cara needed a little privacy." Alice replied. "So we have time to..."

"So then you know how it works, the kicking out process?" Ben interrupted. "Would you be so kind as to explain it to Kurt, on the other side of that door? Thanks much." He whispered something to Tim and the two boys started kissing again.

"God, you're both such asses!" Alice said, leaving and slamming the door behind them.

* * *

><p>"Have they always been like that?" Kurt asked Alice as they browsed the breakfast bar set up in the exhibition room.<p>

"Like what?" She handed Mercedes a cup of yogurt.

"So physical?"

"I guess. That's what people in love do, isn't it?"

"I suppose. They're just so different from Blaine and me."

"Wouldn't you expect that to be the case? I mean a hundred straight couples would have a hundred different kinds of relationships." she picked up an orange and put it in her purse. "You just don't know a lot of gay couples. Most of the gay kids at McKinley are only semi-out. None of them are out like you are, and Blaine, since he's your boyfriend. Tim and Ben are out in the band, and some other kids must know, but they don't get the shit you get handed on a regular basis. Maybe it's because the band is bigger and gets more respect in general. Plus, some of the college kids that come into the coffeehouse are gay and grabby. They set a bad example for my impressionable brother." she paused and peered across the room. "Great! There's a recruiter from Berklee over there and I want to talk to him."

"In California?" Mercedes asked.

"Not UC Berkley, Berklee College of Music. You never heard of Berklee?" she asked in shock. "Just about the best contemporary music school in the entire world, that's all. A freaking Grammy factory. It's in Boston, I could live in Boston. Gotta be better than Lima. Maybe I can score some brownie points after lugging that double bass all the way from Ohio."

"I thought that was a cello." Kurt said.

"Common mistake. A double bass is bigger, and damned heavier, than a cello. I prefer a bass guitar but I'm the only bassist we have." She headed off to join the cluster of kids near the Berklee table. "See you at rehearsals."

Kurt and Mercedes wandered around the exhibition hall, looking at displays for amplifiers, mutes and god knows what else musicians need for performances.

"Weird, isn't it?" Mercedes observed. "Being here, in New York, without New Directions. Must be weird for you. No New Directions, no Blaine, no Rachel."

"No Sam." he added.

"I'm kinda used to no Sam."

Kurt looked at her in surprise. "I thought you and Sam were in love."

"Love's a big word." she said after a brief hesitation.

"So you're not in love?" he clarified.

"What do I know about love? I thought I was in love with you. I was wrong that time so..." she let the statement trail off.

"Well obviously things are different with you and Sam."

"Yes. He's a sweet guy and he's good to me but...he...he could disappear at any minute."

"You really think he's going to disappear suddenly?"

She picked up an orange and stared at it, carefully avoiding eye contact. "He did once. It could happen again. Circumstances beyond his control and all that. I mean, at least Blaine has some control who he goes out drinking with. Sam, if his family needed him, would be gone by sundown. That's who Sam is. Might as well curse the sun for rising so early in the morning." She handed Kurt the orange. "Anyway, why ruin a perfect day brooding over disappearing boyfriends? Let's concentrate on reappearing friends."

He considered that. "I can never thank you enough" he said, linking arms with her. "Without you I wouldn't be here."

"It does help that you have a phenomenal voice but thanks." She grinned at him. "It's the least I can do for my oldest best friend."

"Are we again?" he practically squealed. "After all I did?"

"I made plenty of mistakes too. And there's lots I didn't do that I should have done. I'm just glad we're past all that." she stopped and pointed. "Lookie, lookie."

Off in a far corner was a lonely recruiter, a recruiter for NAYDA. They fast-walked over. "Good morning, Kurt Hummel." he said, extending his hand.

"Good morning, Pat Johnson, representing the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts. We're a small college, focusing on the dramatic arts, obviously, located here in Manhattan." The short brown-skinned woman delivered her canned speech. "Unfortunately we don't have an instrumental music program." That's the point when everybody else has politely walked away, after grabbing a free pen and a handful of candy.

"That's fine." Kurt said confidently. "I already applied to the theatre program."

"You did?" Ms. Johnson said, perking up. "That's great! Most of the students here are musicians. I think there's only three groups using vocalists this year." She looked at Mercedes. "Sorry, I didn't get your name. You are?"

"Mercedes, Mercedes Jones." she held out her hand.

"Nice to meet you Kurt and Mercedes. The theatre program is very prestigious. Actually, we've just started a vocal arts program, not many guidance counsellors know about it. I'd hoped to drum up some interest here but most seniors have made up their minds by now. Good luck, Kurt. That's a really competitive program you picked."

"Thank you, Ms. Johnson. Are you staying for the competition?"

"Wouldn't miss it! Fortunately the bands using vocalists are competing in group two. If you'd like, I can give you a tour of NYADA after that. It's not far, we could be back in time to see the next group of performers."

"Oh yes, we'd love that," he tugged Mercedes' arm. "wouldn't we?"

"Great. Good luck Mercedes, Kurt."

"Thank you. Do you mind if I pick up an extra brochure? My friend also applied."

"No, feel free. And take as many pens as you want." She made notes on her clipboard as the two walked away.

* * *

><p>"Alice, Tim, Zach. You all need to do something about your hair. Seriously." Brad looked up from his consultation with Aaron and starting checking items off his list. Alice opened her mouth to speak. "We can talk about Esperanza Spaulding some other time. Prove me wrong. Talk smack all you want when you're accepting your Grammy award. I look forward to hearing you say "Suck it, Brad!" in front of the whole world. But for the next half hour I want you to control that hair. By any means necessary."<p>

Alice ran her hands through her abundant thick brown curls. "I will see you at the Grammys, Bradley!" she said, exaggerating his name.

"Hope so. Next - stop laughing Zach cause I'm also talking to you! Tim, whatever you put in your hair to make it stand straight up like that, wash it out." Zach looked around for something to hold back his shoulder-length dreads. Tim winked at Ben. "Alone!" Brad added.

"Next - Ben, I mean it, Tim can manage that on his own. Go stand over there where I can see you. Next – Kurt! No dancing, this ain't show choir. Sway if you can't control yourself but no dancing. And pay attention to your cues. Mercedes, I want the two of you to be seamless, got it?"

"Got it!" they answered in unison.

"That's what I'm talking 'bout. Okay, Cara, let me hear it." Cara played a scorching piano solo. "Good. See if you can help Alice with her hair. Horns, let's go over this again. The rest of you stay close-by."

"Who's Esperanza Spaulding?" Kurt whispered.

"Jazz bassist who snatched the best new performer Grammy from Justin Bieber last year. She's black with an awesome 'fro. Also the reason why Alice started up with the bass again. Measha Brueggergosman also has a fierce head of hair." She saw Kurt's blank stare. "Operatic soprano, sang at the winter Olympic opening games? I'll show you when we get back to the hotel."

* * *

><p>A television is typically the last thing you'd see at McKenna's. But today there is one sitting in the middle of the stage normally occupied by whatever musician is playing at the coffeehouse.<p>

"What's up, Bill?" one of the students asked. "World cup time again?"

"Nope." Bill McKenna said proudly. "The kids are in a competition in New York. It's being simulcast."

"Playing guitar?"

"Tim's singing and playing the violin, Ben's playing the guitar and Alice is playing the bass. Between the three of them they can play anything with strings. Sam!" the blond peeked out of the kitchen. "Take a break, they're up."

Sam sat down next to Rachel. They watched the band kids file on-stage. Tim, Mercedes and Kurt stood near the piano.

_Missed the Saturday dance  
>Heard they crowded the floor<br>Couldn't bear it without you  
>Don't get around much anymore<em>

_Thought I'd visit the club_  
><em>Got as far as the door<em>  
><em>They'd have asked me about you<em>  
><em>Don't get around much anymore<em>

_Oh, Darling I guess my mind's more at ease_  
><em>But nevertheless, why stir up those memories<em>

_Been invited on dates_  
><em>Might have gone but what for<em>  
><em>Awfully different without you<em>  
><em>Don't get around much anymore<em>

Tina wondered how that kid stood there for two weeks while they practiced for Sectionals without saying a word when he can sing like that. Of course, she thought, the last thing New Directions needs is another singer fighting for a solo.

The second song had very little singing, which Finn found kind of odd, singing nonsense words, but he noticed one of the band kids they drafted was playing a violin now. Maybe they should find out who those kids are. Nah, why bother with that now, they have enough members.

Puck noticed Alice for the first time ever. Damn she looked sexy wrapped around that cello.

"Who is that?" he asked Artie.

"Who what?"

"That girl making love to the cello. God! Is she new?"

Artie looked. "Alice? She's been around for years. She danced with the Troubletones."

"I thought all those dancers were cheerleaders."

"Most of them were. But she's in band. Normally she plays a guitar but I guess she also plays the bass. That's a bass, by the way, not a cello."

"She's been standing there all this time?" Bass, cello, whatever it was it was damned lucky to have her fingers gliding over it.

"All this time." Artie repeated emphatically.

"How'd I miss that?" Puck focused on the girl's face. "Damn it! I know her! She punched me!"

"Love tap?"

"Almost broke my jaw. That girl's got no sense of humor." He tried to get a better look at the girl holding a trumpet.

* * *

><p>After they finished singing the second song Kurt and Mercedes took a seat near the pianist. They were watching the rest of the band and Blaine watched Kurt. The third piece was instrumental, which reminded Blaine that he didn't particularly care for instrumental jazz. He'd listened attentively while Kurt explained the genius of Duke Ellington, the difference between jazz and swing, the different kinds of saxophones, the difference between a trumpet and a cornet, but the whole time his mind wandered.<p>

He really hoped this was just a phase, Blaine liked lyrics that make sense, not random verses written to fit the melody like that second song. _It don't mean a thing do-wah, do-wah, do-wah, do-wah_. Kurt had explained the whole concept of using the vocals like any other instrument in excruciating detail. Blaine just smiled politely and hoped this newly found appreciation for jazz would end with this contest.

They were together again, Kurt had even fallen asleep in his bed a couple of time. Of course, he always woke up and acted like he was Cinderella and it was 11:58 and bolted for the door. So they had lots of cuddling but no sex. Was that normal? Was Kurt still upset? Were they ever going to have sex again? Would his sister have any useful advice? It's been years since they've lived in the same house, she left home for college the same year he left public school. Hope Anderson was left behind in Ohio and Esperanza Santos rose from the ashes in Philadelphia. Maybe she should have gone to Phoenix.

Luckily Philadelphia is only 90 minutes from Manhattan by train. Esperanza, he would have to get used to calling her that instead of Hope like his dad does, spent a lot of time with him that spring after he got out of the hospital, but this wouldn't be like that time. In Philadelphia he'll be living in her house with her rules. No alcohol, that's her main rule and it's killing him. Of course she has no way of telling if he's drinking or not. She said she'd rely on the integrity of the Anderson men, a thinly veiled dig at the circumstances surrounding his parent's divorce. Anyway now he was giving sobriety a try. No sex, no booze. He missed the alcohol more than the sex, alcohol has been a part of his life longer. What a life he thought with a sigh. Why, with Sebastian he could have both. No! Why did he even think that? Focus, Anderson, focus. This is called_ Take The A Train_. He's heard it lots of times with and without vocals, now those were some particularly pointless lyrics, so he's glad they're skipping them. Edward Kennedy "Duke" Ellington was a genius, focus on that Anderson he told himself.

* * *

><p>Damn, Sam thought, he botched that marriage proposal. You'd think a girl would be happy when the guy she supposedly loves asked her to get married. You obviously don't know Mercedes Jones. But on the other hand, Sam can see Mercedes as the engagement ring in a glass of champagne type girl. Sophisticated. Not the blurt it out on the side of the highway type girl. He'd have to come up with something classy but cheap. Not cheap, inexpensive. Simple and elegant, like her. Hell, he worked in a restaurant - a signature dessert! Something showy and low-calorie because she's worried about her weight now. More to love he'd said when she mentioned it but she didn't laugh, another screw-up on his part. Think, Evans, think. Maybe Santana knows a healthy desert, people here ask for that all the time. Somehow a piece of fruit doesn't cut it but there's got to be something that she'd like Santana would know.<p>

* * *

><p>"You guys did an excellent job," Aaron, their assigned mentor, said in the green room after the jazz band filed off-stage. "The judges tend to like big bands with a lot of brass. You took a big risk with a string-heavy small-group presentation, but, not everybody can carry off Django Reinhardt, and I think you did it. And your vocals? Excellent choice. If you're lucky the judges wrote "warm and intimate" on your score sheet."<p>

"Who's Django Reinhardt?" Kurt whispered to Mercedes.

"French jazz guitarist. His band was all strings - violin, bass, three guitars. They call it Gypsy Jazz. This was back in the 30's and you still hardly see that today – no drums, no piano, no horns. I think Aaron's talking about the bass/guitar/violin duet."

"They'll announce the winners at lunch tomorrow." Aaron continued. "Then, hopefully you'll be playing at Sunday night's concert. It's been a pleasure working with you guys. Good luck." He shook hands with each member of the band before leaving them.

"Ladies and gentlemen" Brad announced. "you have two hours before the next set of performances. You can stay or go, up to you, you're not children. I need to see each of you at 10:30pm for bedcheck. I don't care who's bed you're in but be there at 10:30 or I'm calling the NYPD. And whoever's bed you're in, stay there 'til breakfast. I'm an old man and I don't need extra aggravation."

* * *

><p>Don't Get Around Much Anymore - Etta James (covering Duke Ellington)<br>It Don't Mean A Thing – Duke Ellington featuring Ivie Anderson  
>Take the A Train <em>– <em>Michel Petrucciani (covering Duke Ellington)


	18. I'm Beginning to See the Light

"So, Ms. Jones, where do you see yourself 2, 5, 10 years from now?" Kurt asked with a laugh.

"Well, Mr. Hummel, I have no idea of where I'll be a week from Tuesday, let alone 2 years from now." She returning to her position sitting on the edge of the bed following Brad's bed check.

"See, Cedes, you have to have an answer to that question." he said seriously, rolling over on his stomach to see her better. "That's why the recruiter from NYADA asked. They don't want you wasting everybody's time if you want to be a chef or something." He sat up. "So. What did you think of NYADA? All kinds of fabulous, wasn't it? Can't you see me and Rachel there? And then Blaine, he'll be there the next year."

"I think you'll be marvellous. But, it's such a small school. How do you know all of you will get in?"

"I don't know. Positive thinking. I positively need to go there. NYU's a respectable second choice. To tell you the truth, I don't know about Blaine. I don't think he cares about NYADA one way or the other. As long as we're close. He's moving to Philadelphia next year, did I tell you that?"

"No. What's in Philadelphia?"

"His sister. He only came to McKinley because of me and he doesn't want to stay there without me." He frowned slightly.

"Why so sad?" she asked rubbing his shoulder. "I thought you guys worked everything out."

"We did. I guess that's what love is like. The first time you just jump in, you don't care what happens. Second time, you go in one toe at a time. It's crazy, I know. You either forgive and forget or you don't. Half in, half out, it's crazy and I don't know why Blaine puts up with me."

"You said forgive and forget. The forget part is impossible. Best you can do is not make the same mistake again. Can't do that if you forget."

"But is that fair? Fair to the other person if you're holding back a part of yourself, just in case things don't work out?"

"I think it's human nature, to try to protect yourself after you've been hurt. Who wants to go through that again?"

"But can you protect your heart?" He rolled over and stared at the ceiling. "It's like being slushied."

Mercedes laughed, "Love is like having a slushie thrown in your face?"

"No. A broken heart is like being slushied. No matter how much you prepare yourself for the inevitable it always feels the same. Maybe we're missing the good part because we're worried about the slushie."

"Maybe it's late and you should go to bed."

"Yes, about that." he said, preparing to make puppy dog eyes is necessary.

"Yes?"

"Well, Zach decided to spend his last night in New York in style. He got his own room, I guess Cara is joining him."

"I know that, I'll have this big bed all to myself." she said patting the queen sized bed. "I won't have to worry about being kicked by Alice all night."

"Okay, that's true. But Tim and Ben mentioned a need for privacy on their last night in New York and..."

"Sleepover?" she asked eagerly. "Like the good old days?"

"Do you think Alice will care?"

"Care about what?" she asked, looking up from her laptop.

"Care if Kurt spends the night here."

"Oh baby, they threw you out again?" She sat down on the other bed and looked at Kurt. "Does he snore?"

"No, or at least he didn't use to. Do you snore now?"

"No complaints."

"I'm hogging this bed to myself." she said, spreading her 5ft 10in frame over as much of the bed as possible. "If you want to stay it's the sofa or you guys share that bed." She stared at Mercedes with mock seriousness. "Nothing's going to happen that I have to report back to Sam, is it? You break his heart and I'm gonna pick up the pieces. Just warning you."

"Kurt's gay."

"Girl, let me tell you a thing or two about gay guys." Kurt looked at her with interest. "Let me tell you some other time. Make yourself at home, Kurt."

* * *

><p>In her list of firsts and lasts, Mercedes knew this would be the last time she'd share a bed with Kurt Hummel. We're too old for this, she thought as she felt his warm breath against the back of her neck, his arm casually draped around her waist. Kurt was a snuggler, always had been, but this was different. She wasn't sure how long they'd been wrapped around each other like this, it was just barely light now, but she knew she enjoyed the feel of his arms around him more than a girl with a boyfriend should. She wiggled out of his grasp and moved to the edge of the bed.<p>

She pushed Kurt out of her mind and considered her problem with Sam Evans. Slushie metaphor aside, Sam was the definition of a heartbreak in the making. Round two of heartbreak to be exact. He's joining the Navy, or possibly the Air Force, and that's that. Assuming he can manage to stay in Lima through the end of the school year he's definitely gone after that. Why should she get wrapped up in that? Plus, she's got family obligations of her own. Yes, her father, mother and older brother are all trying to convince her to go away to college but somebody's got to take care of her dad. Yes, he's not sick right now, but it's just a matter of time. Yes, NYADA was awesome but she's got obligations. And why can't she stay in Ohio if she wants to? She likes Lima, damn it! Who the hell wants to live in Manhattan?

She got out of bed and looked out the window. Sunrise. Sunrise in Manhattan. Again. She turned away from the window and looked at the two beds. Alice was a kicker, Kurt was a hugger. Maybe she'd take her chances with Alice, she thought, remembering what she'd felt when she first woke up and brushed against Kurt. According to what little she learned in Ms. Holliday's sex-ed class that kind of thing was totally normal for boys, even gay ones it appears, and has nothing to do with her. He's probably dreaming of Blaine, but in any case it would be embarrassing for both of them if she's still laying there if he wakes up in that condition. On the other hand, it 5 o'clock in the morning. She climbed back into bed, on the side opposite Kurt.

Mistake. An hour later she woke up with Kurt nestled against her chest. He was so close that all she could feel was his silk pyjamas against her cheek. All she could smell was his probably outrageously expensive cologne. All she could hear was the steady rise and fall of his breathing. She opened her eyes and saw his brown hair. She touched his hair, you'd think it would be stiff with all that stuff he puts in it but no, it's soft and silky. Slowly, carefully, the kissed the back of his neck. He even tasted good. This was so wrong. She gathered her things and went into the bathroom.

She stood in the shower and let the warm water run over her body. It was weird, waking up and seeing Kurt first thing in the morning. They'd never done that, Mercedes and Sam, spend the whole night together. They'd had sex several times, but it had always been fast and furtive. Just to lay there and hold each other all night, no expectations, no obligations, just because it feels good. Of course, Sam wasn't pressuring her for sex but still, what else would a boy expect if a girl asked him to spend the night? She put soap on the washcloth and started to lather up. Get real, she thought. Sam's seen Santana naked. He's seen all the glee girls in bathing suits at his going away pool party. He's on the fucking swim team! He can't see this. She hasn't figured out why Sam is still hanging around with her but she's sure it's all temporary. Why is she hanging around with him? Cause she's staying in Lima so it doesn't matter what Sam does. He's temporary. Everything's temporary. She got out of the shower, dressed, and left a still sleeping Kurt and Alice.

* * *

><p>"Hey Tim! What are you doing up so early?"<p>

"I wanted to see this game." he moved over to make room for Mercedes on the lobby sofa in front of the TV showing ESPN. "Didn't get a chance last night."

"You like football?"

"Yeah."

"You know, towards the end I started to understand what was going on. They're graceful, once you understand it. Shane called it skill, not grace."

"My dad likes football. American football. It's how we bond." he said with a laugh. "I pretend I can't stand it, just to get on his nerves."

"You don't get along with your dad?"

"Let's say he doesn't think much of Ben. Ben is chill about everything but music. That he cares about. My dad thinks that's the wrong attitude. He liked Alice better."

"You dated Alice?"

"It was years ago and calling it dating is a leap. Back when I was a good little Asian child and studied the violin. Then I met Ben and switched to the guitar. I think dropping violin makes him madder than being with Ben."

"He must be proud to see you playing the violin at a competition. You're really good."

"Gypsy jazz is not what he had in mind but thanks. When they get up, either one of them, we'll play a reel for you."

"What's a reel?"

"Irish. That improvised bit we did yesterday was an reel. That's the first thing they learned to play, Irish stuff with their dad. He's a good musician, their dad. A really decent guy."

"Who's winning?" Brad asked sitting down on the sofa between them.

"North Carolina. This was yesterday, you know. I already know who won."

"Me too. I'm showing an interest in my students, teachers are supposed to do that. Bullshit if you ask me. I'm really wondering what I'll do next year, so much of the band is graduating. Also wondering what our score sheet looks like."

"What's a score sheet?" Mercedes asked.

"Will's never shown you a score sheet?" He shook his head in amazement. "It's what judges, real judges, use to pick the winners. Now clowns, on the other hand..." he chuckled to himself. "That was hilarious. This competition, on the other hand, uses judges that know what they're looking for. The score sheet shows what the judges wanted to see, what you did well and what you need to work on. We did three songs in three distinctly different styles. I'm hoping the judges said 'versatile' and not 'unfocused'. Plus, you never know, scoring errors do happen occasionally. I'm surprised Will doesn't use score sheets to help improve your performances."

"Well, nothing to do but wait now." Mercedes said standing up. "I'm going to see if my roommates are up yet."

* * *

><p>"What did you bring me?" Alice asked looking at the tray Mercedes was carrying.<p>

"Nothing. It's all for me."

"You're going to drink three cups of coffee and eat a pound of fruit?"

"Hungry." She put the try down next to Kurt who was on skype with Blaine. "Hey Blaine! How did Cole Porter go?" Mercedes asked propping her head on Kurt's shoulder.

"Good, really good. Santana was on TV."

"See was? Let me guess – Love for Sale?"

"Good guess. _Love that's fresh and still unspoiled, love that's only slightly soiled. Old love, new love, any love but true love._ The show was good. Rachel's dads taped it so you guys can see it later."

"Great! What time is it out there, don't you sleep?"

"Got up early to wish you guys luck."

"Thanks. Alice and I are leaving now. Kurt, come on over next door when you're done. Blaine, behave!"

"You're in such a good mood this morning." Blaine said from Ohio. "What's up?"

"I finally got a good night's sleep."

"Your roommates decided to go to sleep for a change?"

"No, I spent the night over here with Alice and Mercedes."

"Alice and Mercedes at the same time? You dog you! When you switch teams you don't mess around."

Kurt laughed. "No, I'm still on your team. I just haven't been sleeping well lately and last night, well, I came to a few conclusions."

"Really?" Blaine asked, trying to hide the anxiety in his voice. "So what did you conclude?"

"I'll show you when I get home." Kurt said with a sly smile. "But really, what's the real reason you're up so early?"

"Just wanted to see your smiling face!' he said, relieved. "So you're sure you're all alone now?"

"Yes."

"Is the door locked? This is a private show for your eyes only."

"Give me a minute." he giggled.

* * *

><p>"So Miss Alice, what's the deal with gay guys? I have one particular gay guy in mind."<p>

Alice looked down the row at Tim, who was sitting several seats down. "Tim big-mouth DeCastro? For the record, he's bi, not gay. Second point, we were 13 at the time, before he knew he was bi. Not like it was last week."

"And..."

"And what? We were 13 years old! Middle school band."

"You still think he's cute." Cara observed.

"He's cute. So what?"

"Will you guys shut up!" Ben said, "They're announcing the winners."

* * *

><p>Rachel, Sam and Blaine watched McKinley's Jazz Band perform with Wynton Marsalis at the Lincoln Center. If she were singing with anybody but Kurt Sam would be concerned. They both looked so happy, deliriously happy. But why shouldn't they be happy? Third place was damned good, okay the prize was only $3000 but still, they had bragging rights. Plus they won some kind of prize for vocalists, and the string section won a prize. That's worth being happy about. Okay, the way they had hugged each other when their names were announced might have raised suspicions but Sam's not the suspicious type and Kurt's definitely gay.<p>

Rachel, on the other hand, was steaming. First NAYDA, now this. When she smelled French toast this morning she knew that meant trouble. Her dads always made French toast to cheer her up before delivering bad news and sure enough, there it was, lying on the kitchen table when she came down to breakfast. A letter, not a packet, from NAYDA. Waitlisted. She couldn't believe it. She, Rachel Berry, had been waitlisted. She was burning to talk to Kurt, he'd understand, but Blaine convinced her to wait. Kurt didn't get anything yet, might as well let him enjoy his trip was Blaine's theory. Damn, she wished she'd applied to NYU like Kurt suggested. At the time she didn't want to dilute her luck. Luck. Hah! And now Mercedes was stealing her favorite gay right in front of her face. Shameless.

_I never cared much for moonlit skies_  
><em>I never winked back at fireflies<em>  
><em>But now that the stars are in your eyes<em>  
><em>I'm beginning to see the light<em>

_I never went in for afterglow_  
><em>Or candlelight on the mistletoe<em>  
><em>But now when you turn the lamp down low<em>  
><em>I'm beginning to see the light<em>

_Used to ramble through the park_  
><em>Shadowboxing in the dark<em>  
><em>Then you came and caused a spark<em>  
><em>That's a four-alarm fire now<em>

_I never made love by lantern-shine_  
><em>I never saw rainbows in my wine<em>  
><em>But now that your lips are burning mine<em>  
><em>I'm beginning to see the light<em>

Happy, they're so fucking happy. Well, she can laugh if she wants, just wait til Mr. Schuester sees her prize winning essay. She won't be so happy then. Rachel looked at the essay Kurt emailed to her this afternoon after they announced the winners. "The three times music saved my life." Time one was singing for Kurt's mother. So far, so good. Time two was singing for Shelby. See, she totally skipped over Schuester and New Directions. Time three was singing for Brad and the jazz band. Again, no Will Schuester, no New Directions. Oh, she's gone too far this time! Rachel wouldn't need to worry about leads from that directions.

* * *

><p>I'm Beginning to See the Light – Duke Ellington (Joya Sherrill vocals)<p> 


	19. Tres Mercedes

"Sam, I'm leaving for the airport. Sure you don't want to come along?" Bill McKenna looked in curiosity at Sam and his assistants, Santana and Brittany. Santana was looking through a cookbook. Brittany was examining the commercial kitchen equipment, full of oversized ovens and refrigerators.

"Thank you, Mr. McKenna, but I'll see Mercedes tomorrow. I want to perfect this recipe before she gets back."

"Okay then, We'll be back in an hour. If you have to leave before that just lock-up."

"Thank you, sir."

"So why are we here, exactly?" Brittany asked after Mr. McKenna left.

"We're making a special dessert. For Mercedes."

"Why?" Santana asked.

"Because I'm trying to get on her good side."

"How did you get on her bad side?" Santana asked with curiosity. "She's usually so easygoing."

"Believe it or not, I asked her to marry me and she got mad."

"Why did you do that?"

"I love her. I want to be with her forever." he smiled wistfully. "Her, me, puppies, babies, maybe a pickup truck if she'll go for that. Everything."

Britt looked at Santana who was rolling her eyes. "Oh San, you know that gets you!"

"So what did she say?" Santana asked.

"Nothing really. She wanted to go to the prom first."

"Reasonable."

"Anyway, I can't afford to buy her stuff so I'm going the sentimental route."

"You're smarter than you look." Santana said.

"It was my mom's idea."

"That explains it."

"Tres Mercedes!" Brittany shouted.

"What?"

"Tres Mercedes. Three mercies. It'll have you begging for Mercy. You should sing that in class, Sam. _You got me begging for mercy, mercy. Why don't you release me? Oh baby_!" Britt started dancing around the kitchen. Santana walked over and carefully took the knife the blonde was waving around.

"So what exactly is Tres Mercedes?"

"I don't know. I came up with the name, I know it has three parts, like Tres Leches has three kinds of milk. I like fruit on the grill but that's just me. I don't know."

"Grilled fruit." Santana flipped through her cookbook. "Grilled pears, frozen yogurt, topped with a crumbled ginger snap. There you go Sam, quick, healthy, sophisticated." She kissed Brittany. "Damn, you're brilliant."

"Thanks, San. You're pretty smart yourself. Sam? Not so much."

"What?" Sam asked, insulted.

"Mercedes is scared of you, and you don't even know it."

"Scared?"

"Sure, you can see it in her eyes. She loves you, but she's scared of you too. Shane, she liked. She liked Shane a lot and he didn't scare her. She loves you, except for the scared part."

"Why would she be scared of me?"

"I don't know. Ask her. But I guessing that's why the proposal freaked her out."

"God, you're awesome!" Santana said kissing her again.

* * *

><p><strong>The next day at school<strong>

Will Schuester read the essay Rachel so helpfully provided to him.

The three times music saved my life.

Elise - Elise Hummel was my middle school best friend's, Kurt, mother and the most beautiful woman I've ever met. She had thick black hair and deep blue eyes. She was smart, funny, and sick. She was sick the whole time I knew her. When she was feeling okay Kurt and I went to his house every day after school and played a game we called "Dinner Theatre". We made dinner and put on a show while she ate.

A few times she had to go to the hospital. On those days Kurt came to my house after school and at 5:15, on the dot, his dad came to take him to the hospital to have dinner with his mom. At 9 my dad and I picked Kurt up and he would spend the night at my house. So it was 9pm and all of the Hummels were asleep, Kurt laying on his dad's chest, holding his mom's hand. My dad started to pick him up to carry him to the car.

"Thank you, Miles, but Kurt's spending the night here." his mom said.

"Sure thing, Elise. How are you doing today?"

She just smiled. Then she noticed me. "Mercedes, I'm glad you're here." she held out her hand to me. "Do you remember that song I like? Can you sing it for me?"

"Yes ma'am.

_They make me feel so happy_  
><em>They make me feel so blue<em>  
><em>fallin', no stallin'<em>  
><em>In a great big way for you<em>  
><em>My heart is jumpin', you've started somthin'<em>  
><em>With Them There Eyes<em>

_You better look out lil brown eyes, if you're wise_  
><em>Sparkle!<em>  
><em>Bubble!<em>  
><em>Get you in a whole lot of trouble..<em>  
><em>I'm lookin for the boy with the wistful eyes<em>  
><em>I fell in love.<em>  
><em>With Them There Eyes<em>"

She smiled at me. She looked happy, like she was feeling better. "Promise me something, Mercedes. Never stop singing. Do you promise?"

"Yes ma'am."

And that was the last time I saw Miss Elise.

Shelby – I tried to keep singing and for a long time I was successful. I had a lot to sing about. I had friends, a healthy family, even a little romance. Then one by one I lost them all. Friends – gone. Romance – gone. My dad's health. All gone. Then there was that last horrible day, the day I swore I'd never sing again. The next day I met Shelby. I didn't know Shelby for very long but those three months saved my life. Shelby believed in me, really believed in me, and showed it in words and actions. She put me front and center, somewhere I'd never been before, somewhere I secretly thought I didn't deserve to be. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Shelby, but being a singer, or should I say vocalist, there's a song that brings her to me.

_And she's taller than most_  
><em>And she's looking at me<em>  
><em>I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine<em>  
><em>Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower<em>  
><em>A big strong tower<em>  
><em>She's got the power to be<em>  
><em>The power to give<em>  
><em>The power to see<em>

_Suddenly I see_  
><em>This is what I wanna be<em>  
><em>Suddenly I see<em>  
><em>Why the hell it means so much to me<em>

Brad – The whole time I was in the glee club I never paid attention to Brad. He was furniture and the rest of band was nothing more than a breathing jukebox. They played for us, period. If we needed an extra body we picked the one that fit the costume. Who they are, what they do, what they think, I didn't know or care. None of us singers did. That's why is was so odd to be singing for Brad while standing behind a curtain. Blind audition is what he called it. "Who cared what Ella Fitzgerald looked like? That's the trouble with music today." So I sang for Brad. Ellington, okay, Billy Strayhorn, for this contest. Something complicated and subtle, not what I'm used to being asked to sing.

_Then you came along with your siren song_  
><em>To tempt me to madness<em>  
><em>I thought for a while that your poignant smile<em>  
><em>Was tinged with the sadness of a great love for me<em>  
><em>Ah yes I was wrong again I was wrong<em>

_Life is lonely again_  
><em>And only last year everything seemed so sure<em>  
><em>Now life is awful again<em>  
><em>A trough full of hearts could only be a bore<em>  
><em>A week in Paris could ease the bite of it<em>  
><em>All I care is to smile in spite of it<em>

_I'll forget you, I will_  
><em>While yet you are still burning inside my brain<em>  
><em>Romance is mush, stifling those who strive<em>  
><em>So I'll live a lush life in some small dive<em>  
><em>And there I'll be<em>  
><em>While I rot<em>  
><em>With the rest of those whose lives are lonely too<em>

I'm still singing with the jazz band. They don't play for me, I don't sing for them. Together, a team. We work together. This time music didn't save my life, a team of musicians did.

* * *

><p>Mercedes had been his student, and a member of his glee club, for three years and he just realized something. He doesn't know her at all. He'd never asked her why she was late for practice that day, he just assumed she'd been slacking off. Why did he automatically assume that? Would he have assumed that of any other student? Was she acting normally that day? He's not even sure what normal is for her. He doesn't know much about most of the club members. Why did Tina cry so much last year? Why is she so quiet this year? Is Brittany unintelligent or just bored? Why was Santana so angry last month? Is Blaine happy at McKinley? Where was Blaine that week he disappeared?<p>

Rachel, Finn, Kurt and Mike he knows. He doesn't know any of the other kids. He looked up from the paper and saw Rachel looking at him eagerly. "Don't you think." she started "that she didn't give you the credit you're due?"

"I think." he said slowly "she wrote how the situation felt to her. She felt alone and ignored. And some of the things she said are true. About Brad and the band kids in particular. I didn't know Tim could sing, and we used him during sectionals. She's right that we just chose kids that fit the suits."

This was not going well at all. Rachel sighed. "So I don't need to pass out copies for everyone to read?"

"No, I don't think that's necessary."

* * *

><p><strong>that night<strong>

"Oh my god, Cedes!" Kurt screamed on the other end of the phone. "I'm in! I'm in!"

"Calm down Kurt, you'll have a stroke."

"Oh my god! Wouldn't that be awful! They'd have to bury me with this packet!"

"Take a breath or Blaine's going to have to give you CPR."

"Maybe I'll just pretend about that. Win, win!"

"Much better than you dropping dead and Blaine going on a vendetta against NYADA. He'd burn the place down, they'd throw him in jail, and jail's not a good place for a guy that looks like Blaine. How did Rachel take the news?"

"I haven't talked to her yet." he said softly. "I know she'll have mixed feelings, happy for me and sad for herself, I wanted to tell somebody who'd just be happy for me."

"I'm 100% happy for you." She paused "Kurt, can you keep a secret?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"I got in." she said quietly.

"Columbia? Congratulations! We need to see how far apart we'll be. I grab dibs on your Friday nights for dinner."

"No, not Columbia. I got waitlisted, those fools. They'll regret that one day."

"Then where?"

"NYU and..."she paused again. "NYADA."

"NYADA! How did you get in? Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound that way, but, when did you even apply?"

"In the fall. I overheard Ms Pillsbury talking to you and Rachel about it and demanded an application. She acted like I'd never get in. In the back of my mind I agreed with her but I applied anyway, more out of spite than anything else. Artie helped me create a demo tape, after I guilt tripped him about West Side Story. Brad and the band helped me with the singing part of the application. And I had a ton of extra-curricular activities. Last year, after you left and before I started hanging out with Sam, I had a lot of time to fill. Church, Habitat for Humanity, Lima Food Bank. A boatload of things."

"Okay. What did you do for the drama part?"

"For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,  
>Th' oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely<br>The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,  
>The insolence of office, and the spurns<br>That patient merit of th' unworthy takes,  
>When he himself might his quietus make<br>With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,  
>To grunt and sweat under a weary life,<br>But that the dread of something after death,  
>The undiscovered country, from whose bourn<br>No traveller returns, puzzles the will,  
>And makes us rather bear those ills we have<br>Than fly to others that we know not of?  
>Thus conscience does make cowards of us all<p>

Hamlet – the middle of that "To be or not to be" monologue. Non-traditional casting, don't you know? I guess I sold that whole Danish prince thang,"

"Well, I guess it Kurt and Mercedes, together again."

"I'm not sure I'm going."

"Not going, what are you crazy?"

"I told you about my dad, I can't just run off."

"Mercedes, your parents are moving to Columbus. He'll have you mom, your brother, you sister-in-law. And, he's not that sick right now. What's the real reason, Sam?"

"Sam? Hell no! Sam's joining the Navy."

"You want to know something Cedes? Something I've never told anybody?" she heard him take a deep breath. "I'm scared. Terrified to be going away. Rachel was the only thing that made it bearable, that and the fact Blaine won't be too far away. Are you scared, scared to be leaving Lima?" he waited for a response. "You still there?"

"What if?" he could tell she was trying not to cry. "What if Schuester was right all this time? What if I'm not good enough?"

He laughed. "You honestly think Schuester is smarter than my mom, Shelby, Brad and everybody at the Lincoln Center? We'll be together. We'll be awesome together. Come on, get out your roommate application form and we'll fill them out together."

"You think so?"

"I know so. How long do I have to keep this secret?"

"Just till next Monday. I have to make up my mind, them make sure Sam hears it from me. Speaking of which, can you come over Thursday after school? We're going away for the weekend and I need your help picking out what to bring."

"Where are you going?"

"Cleveland, just for Friday night."

"And your parents are letting you do that?"

"The up-side of being forced out of the nest. If they can't trust me in Cleveland how are they going to trust me in New York?"

"Okay, see you Thursday."

* * *

><p>Elise's song - Them There Eyes – Billie Holliday<br>Shelby's song - Suddenly I See – KT Tunstall  
>Brad's song - Lush Life - Billy Strayhorn<p> 


	20. Cleveland

Mercedes was so nervous about this trip she was almost in Cleveland before she noticed Sam hadn't said a word. Normally he chattered constantly but today his vocabulary was restricted to two words, 'yes' and 'no'. That was until they passed the sign, "Welcome to Cleveland."

"So we really are going to Cleveland." he said bitterly.

"Of course we are. Where else would we be going?" What the hell was wrong with him today?

"I don't know. If you had some other plan there's no particular reason why you'd feel compelled to tell me about it, is there?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing. I'm talking about nothing. Looks nice." he said as they pulled into the parking lot. "It was nice of Tim to let us use this room Esperanza gave him as extra payment for that picture. Nice."

"Remind me to take pictures of the restaurant for him so he can use it as background for his painting. That's why she wanted him to come here."

"Okay". He opened the car door and picked up the overnight bag in the back seat. He walked around to open the car door for her.

"Can I ask you a question, Sam. Are you mad at me?" Mercedes had never seen Sam angry before, at least never seen him angry at her.

"No. Whatever you have planned we'll do. Evidently it's none of my business what you do or don't do. Where you go or don't go. I'll just wait to hear about it on morning announcements."

"Is that it?" Give me a break she thought. "I didn't know Figgins was going to make an announcement about NYADA to the whole school!"

"Of course you didn't." he said sarcastically. "Why would he announce that two students got into the most prestigious drama school in America? Who could have seen that coming?"

"Why do you care about that?"

"Yeah, why do I care? We're supposed to be, I don't know what we're supposed to be, but I wish you trusted me. That you could tell me when you're happy, when you're sad. Anything about you. But you can't, can you?" He walked silently to the front desk of the small boutique hotel.

* * *

><p>Following a dinner eaten in silence Sam was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching Mercedes flip through a magazine. "Are we still going to the prom together?" he asked.<p>

She sighed. "Why are you with me, Sam?"

"Because I love you. I keep telling you that. I thought you loved me, even though you won't say it. Maybe I'm wrong. Why are you with me?"

"Who wouldn't want to be with you? You're gorgeous and sexy. You know how many girls go to swim meets just to stare at you?"

"Is that what this is about? For some reason you're angry about swim team?"

She sighed again and sat down next to him on the bed. "Are you coming to bed or what?"

"No, I want to know what's wrong."

"So you don't want to go to bed with me?"

"Not like this!"

"So this is it?" she said with resignation in her voice. "You're leaving me again?"

"Are you asking me to leave?"

"Fuck!" she said angrily, "It's just a matter of time anyway. You won't be lonely. Quinn will take you back in a heartbeat."

"Quinn? This is about Quinn?"

"Quinn or somebody that looks like Quinn. Somebody beautiful, somebody that looks good in a bathing suit. Somebody who looks like they belong with you."

"You belong with me."

"Jesus, Sam, why do you keep saying that when anybody can see it's not true?"

"You're beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful. Your face is beautiful. Your personality is beautiful. Your voice is beautiful. Your body is beautiful."

"That's bullshit and you know it." She wrapped a blanket around herself.

"Your potty-mouth's not so pretty but I'm guessing that's stress." She laughed at that, and relaxed, just a little. He pulled off his shirt, "Your turn."

"Easy for you to do, people want to see that."

"You've got something I want to see. Something nobody else gets to see. That makes me special." He grinned and stroked the collar of her shirt. He unbuttoned the top button. "Okay?"

She reached over and turned off the bedside light. "Okay."

He turned on the light. "That's not okay. I think I saw a flash of red lace. I've got a thing for red lace."

"Sam!" she giggled and reached for the light again.

"Of course," he said pulling her hand back. "If you were wearing black satin I'd develop a thing for that. Purple polyester or white cotton. I don't care what it is, as long as I'm the one taking it off you."

"You don't want to see me naked. Who'd want to see that?"

"One day we'll laugh that you ever thought that. Do you know how many nights I've spent thinking about you naked? There was one particular dream and involved you and a bathtub full of rose petals." He dramatically rolled his brilliant green eyes. "Talk about sappy."

"That doesn't sound sappy. Sounds sweet."

"Well, the one with the nutella, that was sweet."

"What's nutella?"

"It's chocolate and hazelnuts. In a dream, a different dream, we took a shower in it. Then we licked it off." The whole time Sam had been carefully undressing Mercedes. He unhooked her bar and leaned back to look at her breasts. "Oh!" he kissed and then licked her nipples. "That's tasty even without the nutella."

She liked that, a lot. "I've got something else for you!" Sam said. He pulled a bottle of sparking grape juice and two glasses from his bag. "We can pretend it's champagne." He looked at the tears streaming down her cheeks. "Hey! Please tell me those are happy tears."

"Yes, they're happy tears. I love you Sam."


	21. Run, Emma, Run!

Emma Pillsbury, make that Emma P. Schuester, waited patiently outside the reception room, holding her husband Will's hand. The wedding had been gorgeous. Okay, maybe the dress wasn't exactly what she would have chosen. Actually, she really liked the dress she'd picked for her ill-fated wedding to Ken. That hadn't worked out but that dress was beautiful, understated and classy. This particular dress was cut a little too low in the front, and the ruffles were a bit much, but Santana had picked it. The hemline was odd, short on one side and long on the other, but Kurt said it was very fashion forward. And really, only Tina could have found white satin combat boots. Emma pulled the top up to cover her cleavage.

"You look so beautiful." Will said, gazing at her in awe.

"Thank you honey." She admired his white tux and top hat. "I love you." Her mind wandered to flowers. Mercedes wanted purple gerber daisies and Brittany wanted giant sunflowers. As a result Emma had purple flowers In her hair and was carrying a yellow sunflower bouquets. Well, the opposite would have looked crazy, these sunflowers are as big as a plate.

She got married under a canopy, or chuppah. She would have never thought of that. That's a Jewish thing that Artie, Puck and Rachel wanted. Usually a chuppah is white but Rory wanted green for Ireland and Mike wanted red, a lucky color in China so they compromised, half and half. The result was a Christmas vibe but that's okay. Will really loves those kids. And a chuppah turned out to be practical, especially after Kurt released the doves. Too bad her mom wasn't under the chuppah.

"Presenting Mr. and Mrs. William Schuester."

Emma and Will had their first dance as a married couple. Sam and Mercedes were singing.

_All alone with you_  
><em>Makes the butterflies in me arise<em>  
><em>Slowly we make love<em>  
><em>And the Earth rotates<em>  
><em>To our dictates<em>  
><em>Slowly we make love<em>

_Sign your name_  
><em>Across my heart<em>  
><em>I want you to be my baby<em>  
><em>Sign your name<em>  
><em>Across my heart<em>  
><em>I want you to be my lady<em>

It was a pretty song, very pretty. Shame she hadn't heard it before. A first dance should be a song that's special to the couple, but the kids are his family. Emma looked at her parents. They looked pretty disgusted, especially since Sam and Mercedes are grinding their hips together and swapping spit up there on the stage. Oh well, they're just kids. Now Kurt and Blaine are singing. They both have such beautiful voices!

_Just slip me on, I'll be your blanket_  
><em>Wherever, whenever I'll be your coat<em>  
><em>You'll be my king, and I'll be your castle<em>  
><em>No you'll be my queen, and I'll be your moat<em>  
><em>Oh, lover, I'll cover you<em>  
><em>Yeah, yeah, yeah!<em>

Emma's watching her parents walk out during Kurt and Blaine's passionate kiss. They stopped at the door but then Santana and Brittany started singing.

_There's a small hotel  
>With a wishing well<br>I wish that we were there together  
>There's a bridal suite<br>One room bright and neat  
>Complete for us to share together<em>

_Looking through the window_  
><em>You can see that distant steeple<em>  
><em>Not a sign of people - who wants people?<em>  
><em>When the steeple bell says,<em>  
><em>"Good night, sleep well,"<em>  
><em>We'll thank the small hotel together<em>

Her parents walked out. Well, that's one good thing about this night. Maybe they'll never speak to her again. Now Rory's singing.

_Well, I wanna make love to you tonight_  
><em>I can't wait 'til the morning has come<em>  
><em>And I know that the time is just right<em>  
><em>And straight into my arms you will run<em>  
><em>And when you come my heart will be waiting<em>  
><em>To make sure that you're never alone<em>  
><em>There and then all my dreams will come true, dear<em>  
><em>There and then I will make you my own<em>  
><em>And every time I touch you, you just tremble inside<em>  
><em>And I know how much you want me that you can't hide<em>

Puck's singing now. Shit, what's going to happen tonight when she's alone with Will? How much do the kids know about that?

_When I get that feeling I need sexual healing._  
><em>Sexual healing<em>  
><em>Is something that is good for me.<em>  
><em>I'm your medicine,<em>  
><em>Open up and let me in.<em>  
><em>Baby, you're so pretty<em>  
><em>I can't wait to see you operate.<em>

Finn's standing on stage, a bit unsteady. Maybe he's still upset about his dad or maybe he's been drinking.

_She said "I can't believe it!_  
><em>You can't possibly mean it<em>  
><em>Who said anything about love?<em>  
><em>Give me all you've got without love.<em>  
><em>Don't you know she said<em>  
><em>Don't you know that it's different for girls?<em>

Now Rachel's crying in her red solo cup.

_It's not that I wanna say goodbye_  
><em>It's just that every time you try to tell me that you love me<em>  
><em>Each and every single day I know<em>  
><em>I'm going to have to eventually give you away<em>  
><em>And though my love is rare<em>  
><em>And though my love is true<em>  
><em>Hey I'm just scared<em>  
><em>That we will fall through<em>

_I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away_  
><em>I don't know where my soul is,<em>  
><em>I don't know where my heart is.<em>

Artie is also holding a red solo cup and staring at Brittany. What's in those cups Emma wondered.

_I'm a fool to want you_  
><em>I'm a fool to want you<em>  
><em>To want a love that can't be true<em>  
><em>A love that's there for others too<em>

_I'm a fool to hold you_  
><em>Such a fool to hold you<em>  
><em>To seek a kiss not mine alone<em>  
><em>To share a kiss that Satan has known<em>

_Take me back, I love you_  
><em>Pity me, I need you<em>  
><em>I know it's wrong, it must be wrong<em>  
><em>But right or wrong I can't get along<em>  
><em>Without you<em>

And Tina's dancing on the tabletop.

_Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen  
>Tonight we'll put all other things aside<br>Get in this time and show me some affection  
>We're goin' for those pleasures in the night<br>I want to love you, feel you, wrap myself around you  
>I want to squeeze you, please you, I just can't get enough<br>And if you move real slow I'll let it go  
>I'm so excited and I just can't hide it<br>I'm about to lose control and I think I like it  
>I'm so excited and I just can't hide it<br>And I know I know I know I know I know I want you  
>I want you<br>_

Now Will is standing up and frankly Emma's getting madder by the minute. Or she would be if she had the right to get mad, but she doesn't have the right. Will and the kids put so much effort into this. She should love it but none of this means anything to her. She's never heard half of these songs and she doesn't like the ones she has heard before.

_There goes my baby_  
><em>She knows how to Rock n' roll<em>  
><em>She drives me crazy<em>  
><em>She gives me hot and cold fever<em>  
><em>Then she leaves me in a cool cool sweat<em>

_I gotta be cool relax, get hip_  
><em>Get on my track's<em>  
><em>Take a back seat, hitch-hike<em>  
><em>And take a long ride on my motor bike<em>  
><em>Until I'm ready<em>  
><em>Crazy little thing called love<em>

Crazy, he thinks she's crazy? "That sucks, doesn't it?" she turned and saw, Carl! Her ex-husband Carl is sitting there and and body else seems to notice. Maybe she is crazy.

_Look into your world pretty baby_  
><em>Is it everything you'd hope it would be?<em>  
><em>The wrong guy, the wrong situation<em>  
><em>The right time to roll to me!<em>  
><em>And I don't think I have ever seen<em>  
><em>A soul so in despair<em>  
><em>So if you want to talk the night away<em>  
><em>Reach out, I'll be there.<em>

She reached out to Carl, just as he disappeared. She stood up. Everyone stared at her. The couples making out on one side of the room, Kurt and Blaine, Sam and Mercedes, Brittany and Santana, Mike and Tina. The boys crying into their plastic cups, Finn, Puck and Artie. Quinn and Rachel hugging, crying and stroking each other's hair.

"Excuse me?" Emma cleared her throat. "Excuse me!"

_I wanna ask you._  
><em>Do you ever stop and wonder<em>  
><em>It's so strange that we could be together<em>  
><em>For so long and never know, never care<em>  
><em>What goes on in the other one's head.<em>  
><em>If I'm the person that you think I am<em>  
><em>The clueless chump you seem to think I am<em>  
><em>A crazy bitch who occasionally escapes and needs a shorter leash<em>  
><em>Then why the fuck do you want me back?<em>  
><em>Maybe it's because<em>  
><em>You don't know me<br>At all_

She sat down and took Will's hand in hers. "The proposal, the wedding. None of this is about me. It's what you wanted, what the kids wanted. This was such a mistake. Oh!" She clapped her hand to her mouth. "Did I say that out loud? Goodbye Will. Have fun with the kids."

Quinn stood up. "I wanna sing!" she slurred.

_Let's dance to joy division_  
><em>And celebrate the irony<em>  
><em>Everything is going wrong<em>  
><em>But we're so happy<em>

_Let's dance to joy division_  
><em>And raise our glass to the ceiling<em>  
><em>'Cause this could all go so wrong<em>  
><em>But we're so happy<em>

Quinn started crying again and Rachel kissed her cheek. Emma shut the door behind her as the kids continued to chant "So happy! So happy! Yeah, we're so happy!"

"Hey, Emma!" Carl said, leaning against her car and flashing his dazzling smile at her. He opened the car door. "Ready to roll?"

* * *

><p>SamMercedes - Sign Your Name -Terence Trent D'Arby  
>KurtBlaine – I'll Cover You – Rent Soundtrack  
>SantanaBrittany – There's A Small Hotel - Frank Sinatra (Pal Joey Soundtrack)  
>Rory – Moondance – Van Morrison<br>Puck – Sexual Healing – Marvin Gaye  
>Finn – It's Different for Girls – Joe Jackson<br>Rachel – I'm Like a Bird – Nelly Furtado  
>Artie – I'm a Fool to Want You – Billie Holiday<br>Tina – I'm So Excited – Pointer Sisters  
>Will – Crazy Little Thing Called Love – Queen<br>Carl – Roll to Me – Del Amitri  
>Emma – You Don't Know Me – Ben Folds<br>Quinn – Let's Dance to Joy Division - The Wombats


End file.
